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“Everybody remember where we parked!”

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  • Mike Austin January 10, 2022, 2:00 PM

    My first and lasting thought was of my Guardian Angels rescuing from my latest self-inflicted mistake. I have kept them busy over my 68 years. I doubt that they are entirely pleased about my choices. There is no doubt whatsoever that I, however, am entirely pleased with theirs.

    • Rob De Witt January 10, 2022, 8:10 PM

      One of the opportunities I arranged for my Guardian Angel was a – literal – train wreck.
      I was scraping by in Chicago when somehow enough money accumulated all at once to finance a trip to visit my daughter in Dallas, some time in the early ’70s.

      Took the Illinois Central to St. Louis, and then I guess the Cotton Belt to Ft. Worth, and then a bus. Anyhow, somewhere just outside of Ardmore, Oklahoma we started taking a dirt road. I remember sitting with some girl just holding hands and making eyes at each other when suddenly the door at the end of the car shot sideways and “up” got sort of re-defined. I remember my guitar case sailing over my head off the overhead rack and banging off the opposite seats. Everybody was screaming and scrambling for the exits until the voice of the Stentor (that would be me) was heard intoning “Stay down.” Which they did.

      Somehow the train crew got us passengers off and up on a hill overlooking the scene. The whole train was just scattered over the landscape like toys, just surreal. I may have been a little stoned…..Eventually buses arrived to take us down to Ft. Worth. Never did find out what happened to that girl.

    • Bruceph January 12, 2022, 10:16 AM

      Is that a choir of bourbon glasses clinking I hear?

  • gwbnyc January 10, 2022, 2:43 PM

    worked for conrail long ago, part of the drill was repairing wrecks. there’s a panel at the top of the front plate, a rectangular box maybe 30″ long by 10″ high for wiring. anyway if the engine hit a semi trailer there was usually an aluminum plate of the trailer’s siding punched into the box. we found scalp in the cabs now and then. if less than say 40% lengthwise of the engine was wrecked we’d clear that away and rebuild to the undamaged section. called it head hunting.

    insurance jobs.

    • Mike Austin January 10, 2022, 3:11 PM

      Damn. The things that go on behind the scenes of which normal folk are unaware.

  • KCK January 10, 2022, 2:48 PM

    Look at the good, and the potential good, in the LAPD cops. My hat’s in my hand.

    I don’t mean that as half praise; I fully mean these guys did an heroic thing. Would that their organization could live up to the mettle in these men.

    • Mike Austin January 10, 2022, 3:18 PM

      I never had any problem with cops. There are those who make a good living writing about the errors and mistakes—real or imagined—that cops make. It sickens me. No man, no profession, is free of such things. One phrase that really pisses me off is this one: “You are never in such danger as when the police show up at your home.” Hey then buddy, don’t call them. Deal with the problem otherwise. Cops have the hardest job in America. They can follow all the rules, practice their craft very well, and still end up in prison. Derek Chauvin anyone?

  • Dirk January 10, 2022, 4:19 PM

    Ahh, Mike a good cop is a cop who’s able to laugh at himself. Turn your weaknesses into your strengths. Some of the crap cops see daily, a good laugh is critical. A kind word, or a good deed, is always win-win.

    This got brought up yesterday. A fellow officer whom I’ve not seen in 20 years was in town, came by. The very first thing out of his mouth was, hey Dirk, remember when you took an asswooping from a lil fat 11 yr oldred headed kid? Na, Roy I don’t recall, let me guess your going to walk me thru it.

    I remembered as he told the story, of course he’s acting it out as he tells the incident,,,

    We’d gone to a house fire in the hood. When we pulled up, I knew instantly who was responsible. Was the lil 11 yr old fat red headed kid standing at the top of the stairs.

    I approached the lil turd, asking ok Jonny what happened this time. “he’d burned a shed down the day before”

    Lil Jonny goes into a very lengthy overview, his mothers sitting on the steps right next to lil Jonny.
    Finally! Lil Jonny’s done. WOW Jonny that’s a pretty tragic story, but Jonny I told you justttttt yesterday if anything around here burned down you were going to kiddie jail! Lil Jonny flys off the handle. . . I set him up, it was his evil twin brother, the devil made him do it, and finally yea I did it, but it wasn’t my fault.

    I’m at the bottom of the stairs, made of rock. I take maybe three four steps up, telling lil Jonny he’s coming with me. And lil Jonny says NO IM NOT, lil Jonny was serious about not going. Lil Jonny takes a step forward and kicks me square in the nuts, ahhhhh shit, this is gonna hurt.

    As I’m falling backwards I’m able to punch this lil psycho right in the nose and forehead. And I’m down, practicing breathing, o good god I’m down hard, as I’m laying on the lawn, my partner Roy’s, laughing so hard he’s laying on the lawn next to me.

    Lil Jonny’s out cold, his mothers screaming at lil Jonny about some nonsense. I’m down I really thought I’d blown a left or right nut. And my fucking cover officers still on the ground laughing so hard he’s in tears. I puked, and puked again, man he got me square.

    I’m finally up, Roy’s on his radio, stating that 2834 “ me” just got dumped by an 11 year old psycho. Units are racing from every corner of the city. When ol Roy said I got dumped, everybody thought I’d been shot.

    I limped up the stairs, started first aid on Lil Jonny. I’m thinking I gave as good as I got. I get Jonny up and just about cleaned up, when the other units arrive, all have M4s and shotguns pointed at us. And I’m thinking whats going on.

    Ol Roy cleared up the Dirk got shot info, then told em all how I’d just taken an ass Whooping from the lil fat kid on the stairs. I mean he’s graphic, demonstrates just how I went down. I guess it was slow mo.

    Anyway lil Jonny s in my units back seat, his mothers yelling at him she’s moving while she’s in jail, and not telling him or anybody where she’s going. Now lil jonny the psychos breaking my unit’s rear passenger window out, and I’ve finally had it with lil Jonny.

    Lil Jonny got hogtied and gagged. I was on the phone with a local judge who instructed me to lodged Lil Jonny.

    Which I did. My god the day from hell, he’s screaming I’m my ear, when we get to detention I remove him from the cage, and he falls on the ground. No matter what I said or did lil Jonny would not get up. I finally pick lil Jonny up by his pants carry him like a suitcase, and who’s standing their watching everything, several judges. Great, I’m going to jail for having to manhandle this hellion .

    I got lil Jonny booked lodged, quickly. I had calls backing up. As I exit JV, the judges yell hey Dirk, do not bring him to our courtrooms, that kid’s hell on wheels. I never saw lil Jonny ever again. Not a clue where he ended up.

    In fact I’d forgotten the event, but ol Roy just had to refresh my memory. I’ve never ever been kicked in the nuts like that. I’ve been in some major fights, always managed to shift my leg before I took direct hit.

    That’s the thing about being a poopoo, we never start the fight, yet we’re expected to finish it quickly, honestly, I didn’t get in a lot of fights, but those I did, were straight up you lose your dead kinda fights.

    Every time a cop’s on-scene there’s a gun involved, the policeman’s gun, these folks are mostly spun on crank, every one’s a texas tiger. Unless your a trained grappler ”street fighter” the last place you ever want to be is on the ground. Fortunately Klamath falls PD did extensive street fighting training. I didn’t mind going to the ground.


  • ghostsniper January 11, 2022, 4:29 AM

    Got no use for any of them.
    Dam ALL gov’t employees.