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Sunday Sermonette: 10 Safety Tips For Going Back To Church

Well, folks, unless you live in Communist countries like China or California, you can probably go back to church now. Playing hooky was fun while it lasted, but it’s time to get out of our pajamas and head back into church. But the deadly coronavirus is out there. We won’t have to worry about dying once it’s gone, but as long as it’s still here, we need to put safety over other, lesser things like liberty, life, property, and worship.

So here are ten great ways to stay safe when you go back to church:

1) Avoid sticking your entire face into the communion goblet.We recommend using separate straws for each person.

2) Replace side hugs with more sanitary “air hugs.” More sanitary AND holier.

3) Make sure your kids don’t eat the frosting off the donuts and then put them back. Kids are known to do this, but wait until the pandemic is over.

4) Wear pants. This one’s easy to forget after months on lockdown. Especially important if you’re the pastor…


Comments on this entry are closed.

  • Jewel July 19, 2020, 2:28 PM

    Talk amongst yourselves. Scott Adams said he was going to ban people on his Twitter account who disagreed with the science of wearing the mask. He uses a word that doesn’t mean what he thinks it means, or perhaps the science He is talking about isn’t preventative, but more coercive. We will see.
    But this video. Think it too conspiratorial. The Churchians seem to think so.

  • PA Cat July 19, 2020, 3:11 PM

    I’d add an 11th safety tip for Roman Catholics: make sure your church has some kind of security setup (cameras, a member who is a LEO, whatever) to prevent (or at least minimize) desecration. A church near the apartment where I used to live was vandalized in midweek:
    I’m a member of a different parish/different denomination, but I once attended a funeral in that church, and I’m heartsick to think of its being desecrated in that way.
    In any case, I doubt the criminals who are responsible for these attacks are going to stop with the Roman Catholics.

  • Kevin in PA July 19, 2020, 3:20 PM

    yeah, the pants thing is difficult to remember.

    And Jewel, re; the video – ….Always for the “Greater Good”.
    Globalism = Communism – Islam shares much in common with the communist doctrine and dogma. The globalists will use any vehicle to attain their ends.
    Their ends are to have the mass of humanity under their control, as in they are the masters and everyone else is a serf on their global plantation. Debt plays a huge part in this. Ignorance of history, of economics and of natural law contribute as well.

  • Jewel July 19, 2020, 4:46 PM

    I find it unnerving how cowed people became overnight. Because I quit watching news and stopped listening to talk radio, my frame of mind might be less poisoned, but the Christians seem the most likely to capitulate to the Clipboard Stasis and Karens. Almost TOO eager to help. A good priest I know is completely unquestioning of the Deep State and Deeper Church, and wouldn’t entertain any of the possibilities presented in That video, in what I thought was a quiet and reasonable tone. He thought it all right wing conspiracy quackery. I fear, that when the Burning Looting Murderers come around to my Big Bad Gothic church and make us take a knee for Black Jesus or else, the greater good bishops will publicly apologize for the “See what we made them do to us” destruction. I still haven’t heard from any bishops or even the Pauxp about the burning of Nantes Cathedral. That too, was a See what you made me do to your nice Church.

  • Margot July 20, 2020, 9:12 AM

    I’m nearly 74 years old. I have a long-time friend who is, she used to refer to herself as Mexican, now she’s Hispanic. She’s five years older than I. I have known her since I was 19 years old. She has bought the Black Lives Matter BS hook, line and sinker. She thinks all white people are racists, hates the police and hates our President Trump with a disturbingly wild passion. The last time I talked to her, she was so wound up with hatred, I could hardly speak. She has become a useful idiot of the left.

  • WDS July 20, 2020, 11:17 AM

    2) Replace side hugs with more sanitary “air hugs

    Aww crap. Is this like that jazz hands and elbow bumps stuff? Sheesh….