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Ladies and Gentlemen, closing out a fact-fractured Friday at the end of another long cancer-coated, covid-soaked, cardiac-clotted week of the “Let’s Pretend ” presidency of Mr. Mumbles, lift up your weary hearts at last, at long last, to salute a real American. . . . but first these few words of introduction. . .

[HT: Curry]

What greater fortune have we?

In an endless universe of infinite matter and energy, where we have been given consciousness to gaze upon it all and understand. What greater fortune have we to live in America, to stand side-by-side on the forth of July, to behold THIS MAN? What greater fortune?

Like the force of life itself, he is written on the world, a belief etched in the shining machinery of our mind, immune to the vagaries of time, forever intwined in the grift that binds our atoms together.

And when history collapses, and existence has no meaning, he will still stand for his obligation. Stand to fight at any cost for an idea, for a conviction, for freedom.

For his is the blood of a nation, and his journey is ever onward and to the breech, pressing the charge, blind to all except the object of his fury. And the roar of his assault will sound in the dome of heaven to reach the ears of God, Himself.

Yes, the number one-ranked eater in the world. The Nathan’s Famous champion of the world. JOEY CHESTNUT!

And here he is back again this year to both retain the crown and choke out the soyboy without missing a munch. . .

Chestnut chalked up his 15th win after powering down 63 hotdogs. Strangely, none of his many thousands of fans wanted to hang out with him the following day at his home.

Comments on this entry are closed.

  • Increased Dependence on Pharmakeia July 22, 2022, 7:00 PM

    How did Jo Jo get the COV with all the boosters uber alles?
    HL Mencken laughs from beyond as the people get the candidate they really wanted in Brandon.
    Egalitarian Zuckerborg Dominion drop boxes for all comrades of the glorious unity collective.
    Be careful out there, CPUSA true believers are getting stabby with it and then released on their own recognizance after 24 hours.

  • Rev.Bro. Generik Broderick July 23, 2022, 1:01 AM

    Whatever you do don’t give gun grabbers ammunition and make it look like an accident.

  • Kerry July 23, 2022, 12:24 PM

    That’s some f’d up hilarious shit right there! Wow!