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The “Hot Crazy Matrix” — NO Girls Allowed

This is just for the guys, or those that for mere convenience identify as guys. Everyone else such as girlz and things like them is not aloud in. This is done on the honor system. You non-guy gilrz know who you be, right? Right.

{ 20 comments… add one }
  • SoylentGreen September 20, 2022, 9:20 AM

    In all my decades I have not found a single contradiction to this matrix. Including my wife. And my ex.

  • Karen September 20, 2022, 9:35 AM

    He’s not wrong and yea, I’m a girl. I’ll leave now. -Karen-

    • Lance de Boyle September 20, 2022, 10:25 AM

      See ya later!

  • Francis W. Porretto September 20, 2022, 10:27 AM

    That fellow did an interview afterward in which he was asked whether he meant his “hot-crazy matrix” to be taken seriously…and he smiled and changed the subject.

  • ghostsniper September 20, 2022, 11:40 AM

    He didn’t address the idea of how to discover the chameleon aspect.
    All females, when they are in the market, are chameleons, presenting their most alluring side.
    Many doods don’t realize this until it is too late.
    The mask usually does not come off until after the wedding.
    THAT is when the crazy side starts making it’s appearance.
    The smartest dood I ever knew once sed to me, “Remember boy, they don’t think like we do.”

    Anyway, I’m firmly convinced that you have to test drive the hell out of it before you buy it.
    If it can’t stand the test then you don’t want it cause it just won’t hold up over time.
    1. You have to give her free and open access to any and all of your good looking best friends.
    If she succumbs, you’ve lost nothing, if she sticks with you she’s a keeper.
    So far.
    2. Next, get a low limit (say, $1000) credit card in both of your names and she has free and open access to it. If she succumbs you’re only out $1k, if she doesn’t use it she’s a keeper.

    From age 18 to 29 I did this 7 times before I found my wife of 38 years.
    Sometimes it never got past number 1, only one got past number 2.

    You can’t find what you’re lookin for if you don’t know what it looks like.
    If she runs it up to the moon

    • ThisIsNotNutella September 20, 2022, 1:50 PM

      All true.

      Another good test is to go on an extended vacation / road trip with a woman. It’s very hard to stay in (gamer term) Demo Mode after a cranking up a big chunk of area under the combined daily frustrations and delays, Bombay Belly, Baksheesh Mister? and Hell is Other People curve.

      After a week or three away from the routine of ‘home’, the Real Woman will out.

      Good way also for the 1% sane and sensible females to filter out flakey loser men who’ve been putting on a pose.

  • Casey Klahn September 20, 2022, 11:40 AM

    True Dat

  • Walter Sobchak September 20, 2022, 12:08 PM

    Not mine, but worth considering:

    December 02, 2008
    Beyond the planet of the crazygirls
    Tom Smith

    Imagine the entire human universe is like the surface of a sphere. So all its dimensions, social, economic, cultural, sexual and so on, are represented as points on the surface of this sphere. Yes, it’s a simplification. On this sphere somewhere, perhaps where we might put Uzbekistan on a real map of the physical world, is the land of the crazygirls. It is fairly populous. Get to the other side of the globe and get there now.

    There live the ladies who fall in love with someone else the moment they get engaged to you and have mad everything-but-actual-sex with him (because that would be wrong) and then write all about it years later in the New York Times. There live the young women who canoodle with you all summer long but won’t go all the way because they say (falsely) they were raped, but when they finally do sort of have sex with you, they hate you because you made them feel such a strong emotion. The girl with whom sex is sometimes good and sometimes bad, but always deeply, deeply confusing.

    Go into any English or comp lit or psychology class at any of America’s elite universities and throw a stick and you will hit a half dozen of these young ladies. Anyway, that’s where they dwell.

    And this, I assure you, is just the beginning. Down the road lie the hours, the years of ultimately fruitless therapy, the crazykids fluttering like frightened bats against the windows, the absolutely, no kidding, forget about due process and just get her out of here, certifiable lunatic mother in law. The father in law who packs the wooden sailboat his uncle left him with 20 pounds of dynamite, sails out into the sound and is never heard of again, save once.

    What you want to do is draw a line from the land of the crazygirls through the center of the earth and then out to the other side of the world. That is maximum distance from the land of the crazygirls and that’s where you want to dwell. This is nothing to fool around with, not even as a tourist.

    But as the father of sons the main thing I feel is, God, I hope none of my sons ever marries a crazygirl. Heaven forefend. It makes you think the cultures where the parents choose the kids’ spouses really have something to be said for them. You can at least give your boys some clues: Favorite book The Bell Jar? Out. Ambition is to be a poet — novelist — ‘performance artist’ — other vague art-thing? Out. Weird friends? Out. One could go on.

    Somebody told me of a group of brothers who entered a pact that any one of them could veto the wife-choice of any other. Someone was in fact vetoed to the later gratitude of the intended victim. Not a bad idea.

    Sometimes the kindest, best, most useful six words one man can say to another, whether son, brother, friend, or whatever are:

    “She’s crazy, get rid of her”.

    http://rightcoast.typepad.com/rightcoast/2008/12/beyond-the-planet-of-the-crazygirls-tom-smith-.html

    • Brian_E September 27, 2022, 7:46 PM

      My dad’s version of the ‘most useful six words’ was: “Are you sure you want to do this?”

      OK, so it’s eight words, which is probably why I didn’t understand what he was trying to tell me until it was far, far too late.

      It was an expensive endeavor – but at least I got several children from the deal, of which at least two of are what I think most people here would consider productive upright citizens – and they are producing families. They make me proud. I’m still waiting – and have hope for the third. I guess time will tell. As for the ex? Well – things get better and better the longer the intervals are between her crossing my mind and/or making an appearance. I don’t wish her ill. If anything, I want her to be happy (she’s less likely to try to make my life unpleasant that way) – but in the final analysis – I just don’t want anything to do with her – ideally, ever again.

      Fortunately, I’m now spending the rest of my life with my true sweetheart.

  • BroKen September 20, 2022, 1:45 PM

    Years ago a friend suggested the reason for this matrix. Beautiful women have a built in friend-attractor and never have to develop any other personality trait. The less attractive have to develop a sense of humor, or kindness, or empathy, or something. Also, when you see a beautiful woman, she will always have a less attractive friend around.

    • ThisIsNotNutella September 20, 2022, 1:53 PM

      “Also, when you see a beautiful woman, she will always have a less attractive friend around.”

      AKA: The Cock Blocker.

  • james wilson September 20, 2022, 2:21 PM

    “By the time you say you’re his, shivering and sighing; and he vows his passion is infinite, undying – lady, make a note of this – one of you is lying.”

  • Callmelennie September 20, 2022, 3:27 PM

    This is an oldie .. but a goodie. I saw this same dude draw up the same matrix (without the bald headed Ed McMahon stand in) ten years ago.

    Dude has a great dead pan delivery

  • Callmelennie September 20, 2022, 3:50 PM

    Went out with a pretty older lady named Eileen who had a cock blocking hag of a best friend named Irene So, one time when E was out of room I politely asked, “So, what do you do for a living, Irene” And she c#ntastically answered, “I’m a hooker; and you cant afford me.”

    Well, the relationship with E was winding down, so I decided to bite the bullet and strike a blow against cock blocking hagdom by replying, “Dont be so sure; after all, my Mom does give me an allowance of $10 a week.”

    Then I got up and said, “Good night, Irene. Im pretty sure you’ll never be in my dreams.”

  • anonymous September 20, 2022, 10:07 PM

    I have spent years observing and thinking about the problems of pretty women vs. those of plain women. I am not speaking here of those poor gals who are born looking like their daddy. I am speaking about those average gals–not beautiful, not lovely–just plainly average. It has been my experience that those are the gals with the most psycho problems. Here’s my theory: the ugly gals understand the situation and most work on being pleasant to be with–to EARN friendships. The beautiful gals either love the mirror or ignore it. It’s those gals in the middle with real issues. They keep trying to be fashion book beautiful and they never will make that category. They try to be crazy cute–that is to say “Interesting and exciting”. They are the ones with purple hair and red eyeglass frames. There are those in the middle who will repeatedly tell you (whether you ask or not) that “looks aren’t everything”. The middle group always has a subclass that won’t even try to enhance their looks because any man who looks at a pretty woman is some kind of beast and she knows for sure she doesn’t want one of those! There are those who become very, very agitated that they can’t improve their looks above a certain level–no matter how much they spend on clothes, hairstyles, etc. They are the ones who really tried to be beautiful for a few years in early adulthood but have since given up. Now they just want to be all-powerful! It’s a revenge attack. It is this entire class that are slightly angry most of the time.

  • Jack September 21, 2022, 6:51 AM

    I wish I had know some of these things when I was out there….young and pretty, chasing hotties and blowing my cash simply trying, like all of my other buddies, to get laid. Nah, maybe it wouldn’t have helped during my Lust Phase but it probably would have helped when I finally got serious about things and before I married a straight as a plumb line, Southern Baptist accountant with a streak of bitch that I have never seen in anyone but her, ever.

    But I didn’t have that info and because I didn’t know squat about women, I entered into a 15 year marital relationship (that produced two wonderful daughters) with the devil herself. Actually it was longer than 15 years…..I had two young daughters and had to endure the parenting demands of Satanica until they reached maturity and then some.

    I’m well beyond her now with an amazing wife that was borne into my life on the Wings of God Himself but I can assure you that with her I learned lessons that no man should ever have to learn.

  • Walter Sobchak September 21, 2022, 8:43 AM

    “If You Wanna Be Happy” by Jimmy Soul
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6EqFVWzOfN8

    If you want to be happy for the rest of your life
    Never make a pretty woman your wife
    So for my personal point of view
    Get an ugly girl to marry you

    A pretty woman makes her husband look small
    And very often causes his downfall
    As soon as he married her and then she starts
    To do the things that will break his heart

    But if you make an ugly woman your wife
    Ah you’ll be happy for the rest of your life
    An ugly woman cooks meals on time
    She’ll always give you peace of mind

    Don’t let your friends say you have no taste
    Go ahead and marry anyway
    Though her face is ugly, her eyes don’t match
    Take it from me, she’s a better catch

    Songwriters: Carmela T. Guida / Frank Joseph Guida / Joseph F. Royster

  • hooodathunkit September 21, 2022, 8:47 AM

    So many still worshiping the root of it all. Looking back, the only ‘crazy’ is how 150+ centuries of practice that shepherded men and women safely all that time got discarded in a few years on the illusion of “hot”. 600 generations of knowledge discarded as ignorance in order to satiate what we’ve been warned is deadly. Jeez.

    Mass hysteria? Assuming the future, our culture will be fascinating research —interesting but a laughing-stock— for archeologists and historians.

  • Dirk September 21, 2022, 9:57 AM

    Think I’ll continue to include girls, nothing more sexy then a stunning woman who knows who she is, and what she wants.

  • whatever September 22, 2022, 11:01 PM

    Wife 1 went from 4 crazy while dating to 10 crazy by year 7. I stuck it out a few more years for the kid but had to get away. She also hit the wall hard going from a 7 looks to way way low, but the bat shit insanity is just terrible and still growing. I did have warning, just had to look at her mother, but ignored it.

    Wife 2 is smoking 8+ and way chill more than 12 years later. A bit of a unicorn.

    In between I did the fun zone for two years, but dating got old in middle age and I settled back down.

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