"Mother of Mercy! Can this be the end of Rosie?" @ AMERICAN DIGEST

April 25, 2006

"Mother of Mercy! Can this be the end of Rosie?"

"Isn't it rich? / Isn't it queer, /Losing my timing this late / In my career?
And where are the clowns? / There ought to be clowns. / Well, maybe next year."

Was it the spouting of "truther" spume like a poleaxed whale? Was it the random eructation of spittle across Barbara Walters' face? Was it the hanging upside down like a fecund moonbat in a cave? Was it the compulsive snatching of testicles long retracted in front of a festival of New York Society doyens?

"The loose-lipped lesbian dropped the F-bomb as Barbara Walters lowered her head on the dais and covered her face with her hand. O'Donnell concluded a rant about Donald Trump by grabbing her crotch and shouting, 'Eat me!'"

Was it then way too much information for her to announce, "it was always my dream to give an old, bald billionaire a boner." Was it, finally, just the continuing emission of toxic poetry into an already overloaded atmosphere? WTF

i called oprah
right after columbine
desperate and rambling
thru tears and tequila....

Nah, ya mug, it was none of dose. It was the same thing that powers punks since the beginning of time -- money and power. And like Rico in Little Caesar Rosie wanted "MORE!" More money, more power, more screen time. And like "Big Boy" ABC declined to give it. Knowing Rosie's infinite capacity for self-delusion followed by implosion in everything but her weight, she most likely made a play for Walter's spot. "I'm bigger than U. S. Steel" was probably her first and last bargaining position.

Cue Barbara Walter in her Powder Puff Girls office asking, "Who will rid me of this meddlesome bozo?"

ABC execs probably took a quick meeting with Walt Disney and got back to Barbara waving hands saying, "Me! Choose me! Please! Please!"

If you could hear the voices in Rosie's head (and who can't when she's so willing to share?) you might have heard something Little Caesaresque like:

Rosie: I could do all the things that Walters does, and more, only I never got my chance. Why, what's there to be afraid of? And when I get in a tight spot, I shoot my mouth off. Why sure. Shoot my mouth off first and argue afterwards. You know, this TV game ain't for girls that's soft!

Or perhaps if Rosie's private home webcam had been left on, you could have heard a chat in the kitchen:

Rosie: Yeah, money's all right, but it ain't everything. Yeah, I'll be somebody. Look hard at a bunch of girls and know that they'll do anything you tell 'em. Have your own way or nothin'. Be somebody.
Kelli: You'll get there, Rosie, you'll show 'em.
Rosie: Kelli? This was our last stand in this burg. We're pullin' out.
Kelli: Where are we goin'?
Rosie: MsNBC! (She gestures toward the screen displaying a sputtering and ranting Keith Olbemann ) Where things break big!

But do not despair! Rosie, like the ever retiring yet eternally returning Barbra Streisand, will be back with her own show. If not better, it will certainly be bigger in all regards. And you can be sure it will have title sequences and many, many clips of Riding the Bus with My Sister just so the audience gets the point.

For now, you'll all have to be happy with the View's future plans for her.Rosie O'Donnell

So we part as friends, and hope that we can entice Rosie back next year to take part in a series of one-hour specials for us like our recent show on Autism.

Contemplating that we can all say, with that other giant of show business Jackie Gleason, "How sweet it is."

While you're waiting, here's something to do: "Rosie O'Donnell fired. Google it."

Posted by Vanderleun at April 25, 2006 9:03 AM

Gandalin,

I can tell you why. Think Don Imus here. She was a huge lawsuit/boycott waiting to happen with that loose cannon mouth of hers.

If you look at all the signs it was clear that ABC has been trying to get rid of her for the last six months. The first clue of this is when Barbara Walters dissed her in that phone conversation with The Donald. But they could not get rid of her easily because of her contract. If ABC did essentially "fire" her when her brain started imploding six months ago she would have sued their butts off not to mention all the negative publicity and negative public relations with the hyper activist LLL and gay/lesbian communities. It just wasn't worth it to push her out at that time.

What they did was kept on handing her the rope she demanded (while doing what damage control they could) and waited for her to hang herself with it.

She hung herself at that Matrix awards dinner last week. Her "performance" there not only offended alot of very highly placed people but also led to "someone" wanting to have the NYPD look into her performance "contributing to the delinquency of a minor" seeing as there were 17 high school students in attendance. The mere hint of that was enough for ABC legal to jump in and terminate her employment citing the morals clause in her contract. They probably gave her the choice of going right now peacefully and all chummy and they will pay her for the rest of her remaining contract and give her the "warm, fuzzy farewell". Or go very painfully (and alot poorer) when law enforcement stepped in and if they did ABC would wash their hands of her and make it clear that they had been trying to get rid of her for months but couldn't because of her contract. They would also point out to her that if she went this way they were under no obligation to pay her one penny more and would sue her for breach of contract and damages to the reputation of the network. If that would have occurred that would kill off Rosie's career totally. So Rosie took the offer she couldn't refuse and left.

Now I do not think she will pop up with her own show on broadcast/syndication/cable any time soon. No network can afford an obnoxious idiot like her anymore (think Don Imus again-which I remind you she actually defended during the Rutgers thing. Perhaps she saw the handwriting on the wall with that one.) I wouldn't be surprised if she popped up on HBO with another former ABC employee Bill Mahar. You see there are no sponsors on HBO, just subscribers. And HBO can always tell people if they don't like their product they don't have to buy it.

Posted by: Ennis at April 27, 2007 12:01 PM

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So...being an optimist (most of the time) I'm hoping this will be the end of the daily Rosie reports. But wait...there is still Alec Baldwin. There is just no end to the entertainment.

Posted by: Mary*Ann at April 26, 2007 8:53 PM

Gerard,

I'm not sure Rosie was axed. Her ratings were great. I think she wanted more money and the opportunity to do her own show. I will wager that she'll be b-a-a-a-c-k all too soon.

Posted by: Gandalin at April 27, 2007 3:54 AM

"So we part as friends, and hope that we can entice Rosie back next year to take part in a series of one-hour specials for us like our recent show on Autism."

How about a special on coprolalia? It seems to me that Rosie knows all about that.

Posted by: Pat at April 28, 2007 3:31 AM

Posted by: Pat at April 28, 2007 3:45 AM