October 27, 2004

NY Times Anonymous: The Twelve Steps

Study of these Steps is essential to progress in NY Times Anon . The principles they embody are universal, applicable to everyone except Hopelessly Addicted Liberals. In NY Times Anon, we strive for an ever-deeper understanding of our addiction to NY Times Blather and devote ourselves to ending it forever. We are always mindful that even one small sip of a Maureen Dowd column can lead to a life of despair and intellectually bottoming out.

1. We admitted we were powerless over The NY Times -- that our reading lives had become unmanageable.

2. Came to believe that a Fox News greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity, truth, justice and the American Way.

3. Made a decision to turn our New York Times subscription (and our lust to feel smarter than the guy next door who reads the LA Times) over to the care of Fox News as we understood It.

4. Made a searching moral inventory of Howell Raines, Maureen Dowd, Paul Krugman, Pinch and the other tight bodies giving backrubs in the NYet Times editorial hot tub.

5. Admitted to Fox, to ourselves and to Andrewsullivan.com the exact nature of our misplaced credulity and lust after a front page review of our next book in the NYet Times Sunday Book Review.

6. Were entirely ready to have Fox News and our local proctologist remove all copies of the NY Times from our memory banks.

7. Humbly asked Bill O'Reilly to remove our shortcomings.

8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed by quoting the NY Times in arguments and blatherfests, and became willing to send them gift subscriptions to the National Review.

9. Watched Fox News wherever possible, except when to do so would cause our teeth to burst into flames.

10. Continued to guard against reading the NY Times and when we slipped promptly watched Fox News.

11. Sought through Anne Coulter to improve our conscious contact with Fox News as we understood it, praying only for Geraldo.

12. Having had a huge amount of spare time added to our lives, especially on Sundays, as the result of not reading the NY Times, we tried to extend our watching of Fox News to others who were still addicted to the NY Times.

First published here in July of 2003, but in light of Dan Okrent's assessment in today's Sunday Times it might be useful to many who still sit in darkness.

Or, as JustOneMinute Over so aptly states today "So often I find myself wondering - is it true, or did I just read it in the Times?"

And, as Roger Simon notes today in : Roger L. Simon: A 'Skimmity Ride' for Pinch

"Now who is responsible for this cheap smear? Well, as one real smart fellow once said, "Freedom of the press belongs to the man who owns one." And nobody that I know of has been able to successfully contradict him. And the man who owns The New York Times is Pinch Sulzberger. He'd evidently rather see George Bush lose than his newspaper print the truth. "

Posted by Vanderleun at October 27, 2004 1:06 PM
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"It is impossible to speak in such a way that you cannot be misunderstood." -- Karl Popper N.B.: Comments are moderated and may not appear immediately. Comments that exceed the obscenity or stupidity limits will be either edited or expunged.

How timely. I recently bit the bullet and ended a 30-year love-hate relationship with the Times. I was raised on the Times, and the parting was long in coming. The person I spoke with wanted to know exactly why I was terminating my subscription and I told her. She said she would relay my comments to management (yeah, right). She also offered to drastically lower my rate, but I would have none of it. The whole ritual felt like pulling the plug on a family member who had been brain-dead for a long time.

Posted by: Jonathan at July 25, 2004 5:53 PM


I canceled my subscription to the Times over two years ago and I still get dead-tree communications imploring me to resubscribe-- even after I told one of their subscription people over the phone that I wouldn't abuse my cats by lining their litter boxes with the Times. They're like pushers who can't believe anyone would refuse their dope (bad pun intended).

Posted by: Connecticut Yankee at October 27, 2004 12:15 PM

Nice to see the head rebuilding was successful.

Posted by: Anonymous at October 27, 2004 2:32 PM