Headlines from the Year 2020

• Man denied access to heart surgeon for failing to report lack of exercise on last year’s federal health return

• Pennsylvania court faces hate-crime quandary: Muslim immigrant murdered gay-rights activist who opposed construction of mosque

• Meat Czar oversees dismantling of U.S. beef industry; barns and pens converted into rest homes for elderly cows, bulls, and the transbovined

• Rare July snowstorm disrupts track-and-field events at Chicago Olympics; police round up global-warming deniers

• Community in northern Minnesota refuses to accept Maoist history textbook; Marine battalion sent in to “restore tolerance”

• Harvard’s entire graduating class of MBAs accepts job offers in China; “it’s Bush’s fault for making America such a heartless place to live” declares provost

• Divorce rate reaches 85%; Dept. of Labor sets up work camps to handle flood of indebted ex-husbands

• Supreme Court declares First Amendment unconstitutional because “it was formulated and enacted without the participation of a single woman, African-American, Hispanic, or Muslim” and therefore “violates the Equal Protection clause of the Fourteenth Amendment”

-- via AWOL Civilization where there are many, many more.

Posted by Vanderleun at November 4, 2009 8:02 AM