Making Reverend King's Dream Acceptable to Today's... What?

With less than a week left before his birthday, Democrats everywhere are scrambling to make Martin Luther King's I Have a Dream Speech acceptable and fit for general consumption. Here's a section of a draft by Harry Reid being passed around the Congressional Black Caucus with his notes:

[Brothers, As you know thanks to my BIG MOUTH we've just lost the fallback N-word and King Day is closing in. Sorry about that. Here's some of my suggestions about what to do about "The Speech." Please get back to me with what you need. -- Your pal, Harry]

"Five score years ago,[Isn't that too tough to parse figure out? Let's just say "Eighty," otay?] a great American [Lincoln? A Republican? C'mon. Maybe strike and insert "ectomorph."], in whose symbolic shadow [Too close to the general concept of "darkness." Ask the "Lightworker" for "guidance" with this one.] we stand today, signed the Emancipation Proclamation [Might have to go. Get's a little too close to the "Sl-very" word. Depressing for the young people in the projects.]. This momentous decree came as a great beacon light of hope to millions of [No N-word of any kind. Not even "Neros" with it's empowering connotations.] [Not the S-word either. See above.] who had been seared in the flames [Strike flames. Too reminiscent of certain unpleasantness in antebellum times] of withering [Too big a word. Use "bad" but not in the good sense.] injustice. It came as a joyous daybreak to end the long night [Same problem that we had with "shadow" above.] of their captivity. [No. Sounds too much like what happens in a Z-word.]

"But one hundred years later, the [Insert latest acceptable word or phrase] still is not free. One hundred years later, the life of the [Insert latest acceptable word or phrase] is still sadly crippled by the manacles [Find another word. Those incarcerated brothers will be sensitive to this one and may forget to vote after we give them the vote.] of segregation and the chains [Same objection as "manacles"] of discrimination. One hundred years later [Isn't it "Eighty" as I said above? Maxine, check my math, otay?], the [Insert latest acceptable word or phrase] lives on a lonely island of poverty [Try "island of the transitory out of money experiences"] in the midst of a vast ocean of material prosperity [Maybe "vast ocean of giant LCD TV screens"]. One hundred years later [See above. Again! Good speaker that King, but just couldn't count.], the [Insert latest acceptable word or phrase] is still languishing in the corners of American society [delete and insert "the corners of white oppression by bankers and CEOs and Republicans"] and finds himself [Sexist and genderist. Strike and insert him/her/heshe/shehe] an exile in his own land. So we have come here today to dramatize a shameful condition [Insert and make sure we get ours].

That's it from me. Get those additions and corrections back to me and don't forget to stop by the office for those tickets to the sky boxes at Superbowl, otay?

Posted by Vanderleun at January 11, 2010 11:17 PM