June 28, 2007

For Men Only: Decoding Female Expressions

No gurlz aloud.... Wi meen it! It iz seekrit.

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Posted by Vanderleun at June 28, 2007 10:51 AM | TrackBack
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"It is impossible to speak in such a way that you cannot be misunderstood." -- Karl Popper N.B.: Comments are moderated and may not appear immediately. Comments that exceed the obscenity or stupidity limits will be either edited or expunged.

Is this available as a poster?

It should be.

Posted by: Roderick Reilly at June 28, 2007 12:26 PM

I think all those angry/unpleasant expressions are the result of that ugly hairstyle she's wearing. You sure she isn't looking into a mirror?

Posted by: Annalucia at June 28, 2007 2:46 PM

It's been around, but it's worth repeating:

WORDS WOMEN USE

FINE – This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use ‘fine’ to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.

FIVE MINUTES – This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the garbage, so it’s an even trade.

NOTHING – This means ‘something’, and you should be on your toes. ‘Nothing’ is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. ‘Nothing’ usually signifies an argument that will last ‘five minutes’, and end with ‘fine’.

GO AHEAD (With raised eyebrows) – This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over ‘nothing’ and will end with the word ‘fine’.

GO AHEAD or WHATEVER (Normal eyebrows) – This means ‘I give up’ or ‘do what you want because I don’t care’. You will get a ‘raised eyebrow GO AHEAD’ in just a few minutes, followed by ‘nothing’ and ‘fine’, and she will talk to you in about ‘five minutes’ when she cools off.

LOUD SIGH – This is not actually a word, but a nonverbal statement often misunderstood by men. A ‘loud sigh’ means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over ‘nothing’.

SOFT SIGH – Again, not a word, but a nonverbal statement. ‘Soft sighs’ means that she is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe or otherwise attract attention to yourself, and she will stay content.

THAT’S OKAY – This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. ‘That’s okay’ means that she want’s to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever you have done. ‘That’s okay’ is often used with the the word ‘fine’ and in conjunction with a ‘raised eyebrow’.

GO AHEAD – At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

PLEASE DO – This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn’t get a ‘that’s okay’.

THANKS – A woman is thanking you. Do not faint. Just say you’re welcome.

THANKS A LOT – This is much different from ‘thanks’. A woman will say ‘thanks a lot’ when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the ‘loud sigh’. Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the ‘loud sigh’, she will only tell you ‘nothing’.

Posted by: ed in texas at June 29, 2007 5:18 AM

Now how about a guide to decoding politicians' (male or female or Hillary) expressions?

Posted by: Connecticut Yankee at June 29, 2007 3:41 PM
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"It is impossible to speak in such a way that you cannot be misunderstood." -- Karl Popper N.B.: Comments are moderated to combat spam and may not appear immediately. Comments that exceed the obscenity or stupidity limits will be either edited or expunged.










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