Daily Affirmations for Bloggers

• When I post under an assumed name or funky handle, I can get in closer touch with my Inner Sociopath.
• I have the power to channel my perceptions of my enemies into ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia.
• I assume full responsibility for my posts, especially the good ones that are just links to someone else's.
• I no longer need to punish, deceive, compromise or reveal either the extent of my blogging or the URL of my secret blog where I post the truth about my co-workers' bodily functions. Unless, of course, I want to stay employed.
• At either Indymedia or Little Green Footballs, most of what I post would be considered normal.
• I honor my grammatical flaws, for without them I would have no writing style at all.
• I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, whimper, complain, cut, paste, and link as well as troll my own comments.
• It is regrettable that I do not know who I have to bribe to get a spot on Instapundit's blogroll. Maybe Sekimori? Maybe a set of styling chrome rims for an RX-8?
• As I learn to trust the wheezing servers of Technorati and Blogrolling, I no longer need to carry a gun to developers' meetings.
• All my posts are beautiful and valuable, even the ugly, stupid, and disgusting ones because they are made mostly of links from other people.
• I honor and express all facets of my blather and my spew, regardless of state and local laws, or common standards of civility and decency.
• I take careful and detailed notes in a large clip file of what other bloggers have posted, for there are no sweeter words than "I told you so."
• False rumors are better for traffic than no rumors at all.
• I accept that I will never outgrow my compulsion to fisk Paul Krugman.
• A good flamewar in the comments is nearly as good for traffic as hosting a film clip of Hillary Clinton trying on bathing suits.
• Why should I waste my time reposting past observations when I can spend it worrying about what tomorrow's sitemeter will show?
• The complete lack of evidence behind what I write is the surest sign that I have posted the truth.
• I have admitted to myself that the only thing BlogAds and the PayPal Donation button give me are slower loading times.
• I am learning that trolling is not nearly as effective against my enemies as a massive DOS attack.
• To read the entire blogsphere is not nearly as terrifying as having to write it.
• Joan of Arc heard voices too, but she was wise enough to have herself set on fire before she logged onto the Daily Kos.