A piping stale Liz Smith column is always good for at least one item that sets my teeth on fire. That's why, for reasons of dental health, I usually avoid her. But, alas, there's always a Liz Smith speed bump lurking around the next tight curve on the Information Highway. This morning's jarring item tells us that there is, lurking in the single cell cerebellums of those who decide what movies to make, the dream of a "Dallas" movie. This shows, above all, that our long national nightmare is far from over.
LAST YEAR word came that the small screen phenom of the '80s, "Dallas," might be made into a big-screen movie. For some time we have wondered who on earth could portray such over-the-top characters as the manipulative J.R. Ewing and his tormented wife, Sue Ellen?Now comes news that the project is inching forward, with Robert Harling of "Steel Magnolias" fame writing the script.
So what about the cast? We could definitely envision Jack Nicholson putting a manic spin on the role Larry Hagman made his own. Paul Walker, of "The Fast and the Furious" fame, might be right as the good guy, younger brother Bobby, perhaps paired with Reese Witherspoon as his wife, the sweet but strong-willed Pamela. (Patrick Duffy and Victoria Principal were the sometimes happy couple on the original TV series.)
Ah, but what of Sue Ellen, dipso deluxe, forever betrayed by J.R.? Linda Gray played this to a fare-thee-well. Thinking back on Michelle Pfieffer as the love-crazed Catwoman of the big-screen "Batman Returns" (a great and underrated performance), I bet she could nail Sue Ellen's frantic, hard-drinking glamour. (I saw Michelle looking like a million bucks, talking with Matt Lauer the other morning. She was promoting her voice-over in "Sinbad." Michelle said she might be looking next for a romantic comedy. "Dallas" won't be especially romantic or funny. But it'll be rich red meat for actors to chomp on.).
"Rich red meat for actors to chomp on." Ah, if only human sacrifice was back in fashion. I can just see the actors chowing down at the Palm. "We'll have the filet of Liz Smith, please." "And how would you like her cooked, Ms. Pfieffer?" "Don't bother. Just wheel her to the table and give Jack the axe."
Posted by Vanderleun at July 3, 2003 8:58 AM