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WOKEY DICK: New Diversity version of literary classic


Barnes And Noble Scraps Diverse Editions After BacklashA publishing initiative to celebrate Black History Month by putting cartoon black and brown protagonists on the covers of classics novels written by white people — including The Secret Garden, Moby Dick and Alice in Wonderland — has been scrapped after backlash that called it literary blackface.

WOKEY DICK: New Diversity version of literary classic

Responding to criticism that its initial diversity version of Moby Dick was merely a “fish tale in blackface”, Barnes and Noble vowed to radically restructure Melville’s ponderoous tome

Too begin with, the whale will no longer be a neutral symbol of unstoppable, remorseless nature. Rather, it will be recast as a sort of immense guardian whale shepherd who protects the more vulnerable members of the “oppressed cetacean community” from the “genocidal depredations of a heartless, hypocritical Christo-fascist patriarchy who would despoil the Earth itself in its hysterical racist fear of ….. The Darkness.”

As such, the captain of the vessel will retain many of Ahab’s characteristics, but he will be motivated more by a need to sublimate his fears of latent homosexuality necessitated by living in a patriarchal, hetero-fascist time. It was decided to go in this direction rather than make him a gay man named Gayhab. After all, you don’t want a gay man as criminal

As for the “whiteness of the whale” this was deemed exclusionary of “Cetaceans of Color”; not to mention non-validating of inner city “readers of color” who were eager to delve into cryptic, unreadable 19th century maritime literature. Accordingly, a black whale character has been introduced. Among the names considered were Marcus Dick, Marlon Dick, Moses Dick, Kobe Dick and Tariq Diq. For a moment the name Malick Dick popped up; but resistance soon stiffened; causing enthusiasm to flag.

Moreover, the name Toby Dick surfaced momentarily but was immediately dropped as it triggered some traumatic memories of the show “Roots” In the end the debate swirled around the highly descriptive names Mocha Dick and Cocoa Dick. As the committee found itself deadlocked on this issue, it was decided to adopt two whales of color and call them the “Sperm Squad”….

RTWT AT THE PEOPLE’S CUBE’S WOKEY DICK: New Diversity version of literary classic

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  • Schill McGuffin February 14, 2020, 9:57 AM

    Honestly, Queequeg, a tattooed pagan cannibal South Pacific islander, would make a perfectly appropriate cover for a “Diverse Edition” cover — certainly less of reach than you’d have to make for an edition of Pride and Prejudice, or The Scarlet Letter.

    Of course, Queequeg is good-natured, rather than “outraged”, and, as a skilled harpooner, earns more than the white protagonist of the book, so he’s probably not truly acceptable for the “woke” crowd.

  • Callmelennie February 14, 2020, 2:05 PM

    To quote my childhood hero, Nick Danger, “What an unsuspected exprise!”

    You happened upon this at just the right moment, Gerard. I did some major tweaking of the text just this morning to make it flow better. My best add was probably the “eager to delve into cryptic, unreadable 19th century maritime literature”

    I almost ruined my own keyboard reading that back.

  • Desert Rat February 14, 2020, 4:23 PM

    This is the fruit of “higher education” in what was formerly Christendom. The people who run these companies have virtually all been subjected to the university/college system of indoctrination which builds on the conditioning applied in K thru 12 that sets the mind in a state to receive even the most outrageously insane doctrines. And the “leaders of industry” of today are only the first truly “woke” cohort to work their way in to positions of authority – but they are only partially “woke” as their early education still contained traces of traditional values and morality. The younger cohorts coming after them have had their “education” delivered with much greater purity of message and in a more sustained manner than previously and so they will hold back on nothing – there will be no apologies or back pedaling from them.

  • Callmelennie February 15, 2020, 9:51 AM

    Some of the best stuff I’ve done on the internet are musical spoofs of the novel “Moby Dick”; two of which are on the “Wokie Dick” thread

    Here’s yet another group of parodies done by the “The Breech Boys” — my notional Herman Melville tribute band (parodying Sloop John B, Wendy and Help Me Rhonda)

    We went to harpoon Moby
    My crazed captain and me
    Round the whole damn globe we did roam
    Prepping all night
    Attacked at first light
    Well, the Pequod’s broke up
    I wanna go home

    So hoist down the harpoon boats
    See how the white whale acts
    Gawk at the captain in horror, let me go home
    I wanna go home