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This Just In! God Develops Ultra-Realistic Metaverse Where People Can Talk, Learn, And Work With Other People, Calling It ‘Universe’

“This is more realistic than any virtual reality I’ve experienced before,” said reality enthusiast Miles Kann while walking through one of the Universe’s city parks in real-time. “I can literally smell the fresh air, touch the cool grass, and interact with other players in incredible ways.”

Another early adopter of God’s Universe demonstrated how detailed and immersive the player-to-player interaction was as she showed off her humble home, complete with husband, children, and dog. She thanked God for providing her with a sense of purpose and fulfillment unmatched by any competing product.

Critics were quick to point out possible bugs in the Universe, listing wars, injustices, violence, and disease, and suggested God either label it “Early Access” or reboot altogether. These criticisms, however, were countered by God’s supporters who were well-versed in the instruction manual, stating a truly realistic Universe must come with the full experience of joy and pain, choice and accountability, life and death, but that the end game was worth it. — — Babylon Bee


A world of made
is not a world of born — pity poor flesh

and trees, poor stars and stones, but never this
fine specimen of hypermagical

ultraomnipotence. We doctors know

a hopeless case if — listen: there’s a hell
of a good universe next door; let’s go

E. E. Cummings


Comments on this entry are closed.

  • ghostsniper February 4, 2022, 11:07 AM

    sad, idn’t it?
    where my “Box of Colors” iz?

  • Mike Austin February 4, 2022, 12:16 PM

    If Mark Zuckerberg really wanted to improve the universe—real or imagined—he would hang himself. In both places.

  • John A. Fleming February 4, 2022, 3:44 PM

    It’s going to be a long time and a Matrix away before any VR/AR can even come close to the real world. I’ve been doing some skiing this winter, trying to get my skillz and confidence back. I’ve got some solo backcountry ski trips planned. No AR/VR can fully immerse me in the moment like skiing in the backcountry. There is a real and non-zero chance that I might die: avalanche, snow-bridge collapse, broken limbs far from rescue. When Reinhold Messner was asked if he was afraid he might die while solo climbing in the mountains, he replied: “No, it makes me hold on tight.” No VR/AR can bring the immersive experience of commitment, because there are no lasting consequences for failure.
    So what’s the value of MMORPG with AR/VR? To simulate alternate social systems. Yay. We can now watch all those damn fools simulate the thousand flowers blooming, and watch them every single time fall into chaos and tears and tyranny as the psychopaths that claw their way to the top of the heap feed everyone else into the virtual meat grinders of their imaginations. All we’re going to learn is that there are a lot of psychos out there, and not having any success in the real world they will flood into the virtuals, find their niche, and begin destroying the souls of all the other fragile trusting participants.
    I can safely say that all these VR platforms will end in terror, because the psychos will not have sufficient constraints on their behavior, not like the real world. The VR curators/administrators/designers will always be playing catch up, and will eventually be captured by the psychos.
    Some a-hole will come in, wreak havoc, everybody else will pull the plug and say, “What a waste, five years of my real life and my real money gone because of that jerk. It’s because of a-holes like that that we can’t have nice things.”

    • Mike Anderson February 4, 2022, 7:19 PM

      Heck, even skiing the groomed slopes is better than any of that VR crap. It’s a fully immersive whole-body experience that knocks all that rat-race noise* right out of your head. And the beer and burgers apres ain’t bad either.

      *Name that Classical Reference, anyone?

      • James ONeil February 5, 2022, 11:22 AM

        Classical reference? Damnedifiknow but a cultishical reference might by Bob Marley’s Rat Race.

  • Mike Seyle February 4, 2022, 4:22 PM

    Your first four or five sentences sent me to a question I asked my mother many years ago: “Are you afraid of death?” She answered: “I’m not afraid of death; I’m afraid of dying.”

  • Zaphod February 4, 2022, 5:13 PM

    Once went on a company hike with a bunch of HK Chinese IT Nerds who had to be dragged from their big screens and dragged out of the concrete flatland canyons and into the un-built-upon high places. You could really see that this vast blue scary thing looming over their heads was seriously oppressing them. Much fingering of various electronic devices ensued.

    Just found this article via the Orthosphere site:


    Much food for thought.

  • jwm February 4, 2022, 5:29 PM

    Picture a world of avatars that look like Playboy centerfolds.
    All run by fat ugly gamer dudes with Adderall and VR headsets.


  • jwm February 4, 2022, 5:29 PM

    Picture a world of avatars that look like Playboy centerfolds.
    All run by fat ugly gamer dudes with Adderall and VR headsets.


  • LP February 4, 2022, 8:09 PM

    The meta verse creeps me out even more than the idea of TV watching which is nothing more than sitting in a room alone staring unmoving at a wall for hours and not realizing that your life is ticking away. The meta verse creeps me out because you’re wasting the valuable moments of your life on something not real- there’s no fresh air no smell of flowers no physical exercise or body movement. No interaction with the world or other human beings. What’s the point?

  • Nori February 4, 2022, 8:50 PM

    Insanely wealthy pedos are so bored with their existence they choose to torment US.
    Epic fail.

  • James ONeil February 5, 2022, 11:37 AM

    In the real and in the virtual, far too many NPCs.

  • PubliusII February 10, 2022, 3:14 PM

    That photo of Zuckerberg (I presume) has optics different from what he’s thinking it has. He looks like a child with a toy that’s got him captive, sort of like the creature in Alien. All he needs is an IV feed and occasional hosing down to keep the waste products to a reasonable level. If that’s the future he wants, he’s welcome to it. The only change I’d make is to make the mask unremoveable and put a mountain lion in the room with him.