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“These are the laws of my administration..”

At a party to celebrate Rufus T. Firefly (Groucho Marx) being made new president of Freedonia, Mrs. Teasdale (Margaret Dumont) launches into this song to ask what his leadership of the country will be like.

For our information
Just for our illustration
Tell us how you intend to run the nation

These are the laws of my administration:
No one’s allowed to smoke
Or tell a dirty joke
And whistling is forbidden

We’re not allowed to tell a dirty joke
Hail, hail Freedonia

If chewing gum is chewed
The chewer is pursued
And in the hoosegow hidden

If we choose to chew we’ll be pursued

If any form of pleasure is exhibited
Report to me, and it will be prohibited
I’ll put my foot down, so shall it be
This is the land of the free
The last man nearly ruined this place
He didn’t know what to do with it
If you think this country’s bad off now
Just wait till I get through with it

The country’s taxes must be fixed
And I know what to do with it
If you think you’re paying too much now
Just wait till I get through with it

(instrumental break)

I will not stand for anything that’s crooked or unfair
I’m simply on the up and up, so everyone beware
If anyone’s caught taking graft and I don’t get my share
We stand him up against the wall and pop goes the weasel


So everyone beware
Who’s crooked or unfair
If anyone’s caught taking graft unless he gets his share

If any man should come between a husband and his bride
We find our which one she prefers by letting her decide
If she prefers the other man, the husband steps outside
We stand him up against the wall and pop goes the weasel


The husband steps outside
Relinquishes his bride
They stand him up against the wall and take him for a ride


This verse was removed from the movie.

The population must increase,
With great rapidity.
We give a couple seven years,
To raise a family.
If, by that time, there is
No branch upon the family tree,
We stand ’em up against the wall,
and Pop goes the Weasel.

Comments on this entry are closed.

  • Jack January 25, 2021, 7:51 AM

    Groucho was just genius. Love those old clips.

  • gwbnyc January 25, 2021, 8:54 AM

    It has come to this.
    Whatever shall we do, wherever shall we go-
    there’s always tomorrow. Tomorrow is another lie.

    as long as I’m here: In this or another film there is a two-shot of Marx&Dumont where she cracks.

  • Casey Klahn January 25, 2021, 9:16 AM

    This is the only form of Marxism of which I approve.

  • ghostsniper January 25, 2021, 10:05 AM

    I ignore laws made by criminals.

  • Kevin PA January 25, 2021, 10:57 AM

    There is an entire era of films that seem to have vanished. I’m not sure if these films have been lost due to age and inferior quality of preservation methods or if there is another explanation.

    Among the missing; The Marx Bros., Laurel and Hardy – Babes in Toyland / March of the Wooden Soldiers was a Thanksgiving TV standard in the NY Metro area for years, Spanky and Our Gang, The Little Rascals (could it be that Buckwheat is too un-PC for the modern temperament?), W.C. Fields and May West. Those are just the names that come to mind.

  • Vanderleun January 25, 2021, 1:54 PM

    Not all gone yet Kevin…

  • ghostsniper January 26, 2021, 4:30 AM

    The teacher asked Buh-weet to stand up and use the word “dictate” in a sentence.
    Buh-weet stood up, pondered for a moment and said, “Darlene say my dictate good.”

  • Kevin in PA January 26, 2021, 5:46 AM

    Good stuff, G.
    Brings back memories of rainy Saturday afternoons in a long ago childhood.

  • Jack January 26, 2021, 8:09 AM

    Ghost…..I’m dying. HI-larious

  • gwbnyc January 26, 2021, 11:38 AM

    the rascals- my mother saw them as shorts in the theater when she was teenaged. summer vacation that was my lunchtime- a bowel of campbells soup, a bologna sandwich (wonder bread, bologna, MIRACLE WHIP) and the LR on a noon kid’s show (Capt Penny, ABC WEWS channel 5, Cleveland).

    I remember TV not being on all day, barely.

    stymie had his own low-down clarinet background music and he knew how to shoot craps.

  • gwbnyc January 26, 2021, 11:40 AM

    yeah, I MEANT to use “bowel”…


  • Andrew R January 26, 2021, 12:13 PM

    Every time there is a republican in the White House the Democrats refrain is “Whatever it is, I’m against it.” Just like Groucho’s song from ‘Horse Feathers’.


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