At long last, I am able to say a few words of my own because my dominatrix has gone to the Lady’s Room with RuPaul. I have never wanted to withhold my essence, but until now it has not been possible for me to speak with my testicles in Megan’s lockedbox.
A few hours ago I discharged my last duty as Prince, and now that I have finally taken a cast-iron strap-on by my dominatrix, my first words must be to declare my allegiance to her Steely Dan. This I do with all my heart.
You all know the reasons which have impelled me to renounce my title formerly known as Prince. But I want you to understand that in making up my mind I did not forget the country or the empire from which, as Prince, I have for all my life a parasite always taken the multi-million-pound annual handout.
But you must believe me when I tell you that I have found it impossible to carry the heavy burden of grifting and to discharge my duties as the ginger known as Prince as I would wish to do without the whips chains discipline and Steely Dan from the dominatrix I love.
I now quit altogether public affairs and I lay down my burden of living fabulously on the tax-rolls and inherited wealth. It may be some time — maybe forever — before I return to my native land, and we’re not, she who must be obeyed informs me, never ever going to be in the United States as long as the bad orange man rules there, but I shall always help my dominatrix of the snapping turtle hoover up fortunes in dildo endorsements.
Harry the Red-Haired Windsor, Formerly known as Prince