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June 5, 2015

Welcome to the toilet paper aisle. The decisions you make here will not be easy.

Look here, for example, this pack of 15 mega-rolls, equal to 30 regular rolls, appears to be the best deal, right?
But wait, then what about these 10 humungo-rolls, equal to 40 regular rolls? Or these 6 giganti-rolls, equal to 48 regular rolls? Or this 3-pack of super-rolls, weighing in at whopping 54 regular rolls? Each pack costs marginally more than the previous while providing just a bit more paper. So, which will it be? Wait, don’t answer that. We’re not done browsing yet. McSweeney’s Internet Tendency: Welcome to the Toilet Paper Aisle.

Posted by gerardvanderleun at June 5, 2015 1:44 PM. This is an entry on the sideblog of American Digest: Check it out.

Your Say

Or you could just go to Caracas, where the toilet paper aisle is empty. Socialism takes away the headache of making decisions.

Posted by: Milo Galt [TypeKey Profile Page] at June 5, 2015 6:47 PM

It'll wear ya out man.

Couple weeks ago they got me. I stood there in the aisle and studied all of it and then found out after getting home that I bought single ply. WTF????

Coulda drove the 25 miles to exchange it but instead I packed the rolls in some 5 gallon buckets for *future use* and went to a local store and bought the good stuff.

I collect styrofoam, the packing material, and use regular gas to melt it down into a makeshift see-four application which is then loosely poured over the TP in the buckets after it's laced with mothball crystals. Install the lid and caulk the seams. 20' of clothesline rope will haul it up into the trees where it'll sit in wait.

Posted by: ghostsniper [TypeKey Profile Page] at June 5, 2015 8:37 PM

All these ever "larger" options serve as a distraction. Over the past year or so, toilet paper rolls have gotten narrower by something close to an inch. They did it gradually, but I actually had a roll or two of the older stuff in the guest bathroom and was able to do a side-by-side comparison. The amazing thing to me is that in order to pull this off, all the tp companies (well, how many are there really? Two?) had to have agreed to the size change together, and introduce the new stock at roughly the same time. Otherwise, when you have the brands stacked side by side, the disparity is really obvious.

Posted by: Juliecork [TypeKey Profile Page] at June 6, 2015 6:11 AM

In order to satisfy tree-huggers and other Earth Stewards, who know more about everything than Mother Nature, we should consider the use of permanent toilet wipes rather than the disposable kind.

Walmart and other discount chains still sell plain white handkerchiefs. It would be easy to adapt to using one of them for personal hygiene. Should last about six months each with proper rinsing after each use.

Think of all the trees we would save. My uncle Letsgo says that back in the old days they didn't use anything disposable or otherwise. He remarked that there were trees all over the place.

Going brown to keep the Earth green.

Posted by: chasmatic [TypeKey Profile Page] at June 6, 2015 6:48 AM

About 30 years ago, a Doctor pointed out that you wouldnt use toilet paper if you got sh*t on your arm. He suggested washing, with water. Thats a lot better.

Posted by: pkerot [TypeKey Profile Page] at June 6, 2015 11:19 AM

Well, you could dump in one neighbors yard, then go take a dip in the other neighbors pool.

Toto washlets rule.

Posted by: ghostsniper [TypeKey Profile Page] at June 6, 2015 7:51 PM

Concerned people that don't want Earth to die from, I dunno, something or other, should ration their toilet paper usage.
If done properly only one sheet is required for each incident. Somebody clever jump in and tell us how to wipe ass with only one sheet.
A panel of international experts held a symposium recently and revealed findings that show that a population that uses no toilet paper whatsoever has a smaller carbon footprint than those that do.
We should consider it our patriotic duty to wipe out paper waste.
Kids, be good pre-citizens. When mommy or daddy uses more toilet paper than they are allowed, call your good old Uncle Green and let him know.

Remember, Wipe smart.

Posted by: chasmatic [TypeKey Profile Page] at June 6, 2015 11:14 PM

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