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May 2, 2014

An Open Letter to Bearded Hipsters


You GIANT PUSSY. Am I reading “Cosmo”? What the fuck is going on here? Betty White has bigger balls than you.
Look, I know I sound harsh, but I’m actually trying to rein myself in. A beard is meant to keep your face warm. Seriously, that’s it. You guys had your warm beards so you could go out and hunt us food, and we had our boobies with warm milk to feed the young’uns. That’s why I love beards. It is a natural, physiological response. I want a man who can keep me safe. How did it all get so twisted?
- - Beardsy.com

Posted by gerardvanderleun at May 2, 2014 1:26 PM. This is an entry on the sideblog of American Digest: Check it out.

Your Say

Elizabeth Raine look alike.

Posted by: DeAnn at May 2, 2014 2:04 PM

Nothing sillier than a pencil-neck with a beard.

Posted by: Don Rodrigo at May 2, 2014 2:12 PM

Beard oil? Seriously? Who even knew there was such a thing. And how is it different than 3-in-One?

Posted by: SteveS at May 2, 2014 3:02 PM

See? I keep telling you but you don't believe me. Maybe you think I am one of these Nuvo Neanderthals we've been hearing about recently? Uh uh, no such luck. I'm just a guy that thinks people like this wretched excuse for a male should get a good hard punch in the face. In this case, whoever took the picture is eligible too.

Posted by: chasmatic at May 2, 2014 4:11 PM

You deluded dunces! Don't you recognize him for what he is -- a symbol for the government's plot to gradually put razor-blade, shaving cream, and electric shaver manufacturers out of business, joining the ranks of those demolished by the burden of new taxes, new regulations, as well as reduced remuneration such as for doctors serving needy Medicare/Medicaid recipients.
The government's disdain for us is indicated by the image's bluntly brazen naked cheekiness above the jawbone.
In combination with chasmatic's pugilistic preference, I suggest we all shave our eyebrows to make the point that we will not be harried by creeping hairiness.

Posted by: Howard Nelson at May 2, 2014 4:57 PM

The way some of these hipsters wear their beard, it is not the equivalent of a "padded bra", it is the equivalent of a major boob job.

Posted by: edaddy at May 2, 2014 5:32 PM

A worthy quip to that sissy would be "Hey kid your face reminds me of your mothers crotch last time I was with her".

Posted by: Terry at May 2, 2014 5:36 PM

He cultivates around his mouth what grows wild around my arse!

Posted by: AlsoKnownAs at May 2, 2014 6:08 PM

No wonder women become lezbo's, most of the men are fat vag's.

Posted by: ghostsniper at May 2, 2014 7:15 PM

Wispy-bearded demi-man

Posted by: el baboso at May 2, 2014 8:03 PM

Somebody ought to piss on him, make him smell like a man. Then after another punch in the face shave his ass and make him walk backwards.

Posted by: chasmatic at May 2, 2014 8:47 PM

That's one of the many great things about NHL playoff hockey. This time of year many hockey players stop shaving completely. So when they drop the gloves to fight they look like Paul Bunyans throwing haymakers. Hipsters do not play hockey.

Posted by: Jason at May 3, 2014 8:18 AM

I went to a fight one time and a hockey game broke out.

Posted by: ghostsniper at May 3, 2014 2:29 PM

All you folks posting here are missing out on the
at the link...she really hit a nerve with both the she and he hipsters.

I bet they all used the same Gay-O-Matic app
on their iPods to compose their rants.

Posted by: Kauf Buch at May 3, 2014 2:59 PM

THis whole string is starting to sound like a cow pissing on a flat rock. Give the cow a punch in the face and move on.

Posted by: chasmatic at May 3, 2014 11:17 PM

"Somebody ought to piss on him, make him smell like a man. Then after another punch in the face shave his ass and make him walk backwards."

After you big guy.

Posted by: Anonymous at May 5, 2014 7:05 AM

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