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June 13, 2010

To Any Criminals in the Portland, Oregon, Area

If you're looking for an easy robbery,

stop by the Red and Black Cafe. This left-wing anarchist-owned establishment, located at 400 Southeast 12th Avenue, Portland, Oregon, does not serve police officers, so you won't have to worry about a police officer being present when you rob it. Once you rob it, since the owners hate the police they wouldn't call them and you won't go to jail since they support "community forums" and "restorative justice" instead of punishment. Also, since it's a radical leftist hangout, the feminists and emasculated "men" who work and eat there probably don't carry concealed, so you won't have to worry about getting shot by an employee or customer. -- Flyover Libertarian

Posted by Vanderleun at June 13, 2010 9:00 PM. This is an entry on the sideblog of American Digest: Check it out.

Your Say

And the meek shall inherit what's left.

Posted by: David McKinnis at June 13, 2010 9:38 PM

Does the place make enough money for it to be worthwhile?

Posted by: Little Miss Attila / Joy McCann at June 14, 2010 8:24 AM

According to the proprietor, the cafe averages about $500 a day. That's more than enough to tempt your average junkie/crankster stickup artist.

Posted by: Aquila at June 14, 2010 9:42 AM

I imagine the ultimate punishment would be to force the perp to eat their slop.

Posted by: Blastineau at June 14, 2010 10:37 AM

Make sure if you go there to stiff the wait-staff. Tips are for bourgeosie capitalist pigs. Make them feel like real communist proles...keep your change.

Posted by: Anonymous at June 14, 2010 1:41 PM

And be sure to take obscene liberties with any female staff that isn't transgendered and unshaven.

Posted by: Don Rodrigo at June 14, 2010 2:05 PM

Stiff the wait staff, nothing. Stiff the restaurant. Paying bills is for bourgeoisie capitalist pigs. Aren't healthy meals a civil right anyway?

Posted by: Harry at June 14, 2010 2:22 PM

Surprising that no one has commented on the creepiest aspect of the story: that sales have doubled since these twits threw the cop out. It's an entire customer base of twits. What a city--

Posted by: Al Johnson at June 14, 2010 9:51 PM

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