WHEN in the course of human Events, it becomes necessary….
Saying Farewell
byVanderleunonJuly 24, 2019
On Sunday, we said farewell to my mother at St. John’s Church on Floral Avenue. It was not a sad event but one in the spirit of a woman who, over decades of tennis, won many trophies but was always proudest of winning “Best Partyer” seven times. Hundreds attended along with more members of my immediate family than I’d seen since her hundredth birthday and whom I know I shall not see together again in this life. My mother was the last of the World War I generation and the last with enough spirit to draw us all into the same town. Her ashes were there with us beneath a cloth at the altar.
At the reception, stories were told and memories shared as is the way of such things. At one moment I stood back from it all and, looking on, thought of Christopher Wren’s epitaph in the middle of the great St. Paul’s cathedral that he had built in London:
“Si monumentum requiris, circumspice” (“If you seek a monument, look around you”)
And there we all were; not for the first but certainly for the last time. And after a bit, we all dispersed, friends and family alike, back to our separate lives as is the way of such things.
Last week while helping my family sort, box, and clear out her apartment I’d opened a locked panel in the desk that was by her right hand whenever she rested in her chair. Inside was a small clear container of coarse ash. On top was a nameplate with my father’s name on it. He’d died over 40 years before but was never replaced in her heart or her life and was, as I had just learned, never very far away from her.
* * * * *
On Monday it was a fine and cool morning in Chico and Tom and Jeff and I went to a place in Bidwell Park where she used to love to picnic with us and with my father. There we blended the ashes of our parents and, taking turns, spread them onto the grass and under the oaks and upon the stream.
And then we were orphans. But not, we know, for long.
I bequeathe myself to the dirt, to grow from the grass I love; If you want me again, look for me under your boot-soles.
You will hardly know who I am, or what I mean; But I shall be good health to you nevertheless, And filter and fibre your blood.
Failing to fetch me at first, keep encouraged; Missing me one place, search another; I stop somewhere, waiting for you. — Whitman
When my father died I took his ashes to a place in Paradise where I put them into a stream higher up in the same canyon system…
The place we have come to is where the pines lean out from the rounded boulders lodged above the stream; where what the stream saves builds up in the backwater, making in the mounds of matter an inventory of the year: Rusted tins slumped under the fallen sighs of weeds, diminishing echoes of the blackbird’s gliding wings, laughs buoyed in the hollow belly of stunted trees, gears, tires, the bones of birds, brilliant pebbles, the rasping whoosh of leaf fall crushed to dust, the thunk of bone on bark, the thud of earth on wood, the silence of soft ash scattered on chill waters.
********
Is this life all that is and, once life lost, the end of all that was, with nothing left to be, with no pine wind to taste, nor sun to dapple mind with dream? Is all that is but ash dissolving, our lives mere rain in circles falling?
Or are we still the center of such circles, our fall a rise above the shawl of night, where all shall shine contained within that single soul, that heart of stars; that interface where souls and suns and Earth’s far scattered waters meet?
Meet in that one hand whose palm still remains held out forever, held out and for forever holding us even in the coldest light of day. — For My Father
So long for now. See you both a little further down the road.
My condolences, my father also passed earlier this summer.
McKiernanJuly 24, 2019, 5:43 PM
Vita mutatur, non tollitur, Life is changed, not taken away.
RickJuly 24, 2019, 6:51 PM
Wonderful! Your mother was honored by your presence all of you by hers. What more could any of us want than the love and respect of those that know us best. You had a wonderful mother, she had a wonderful family. There was no luck involved, she and your dad raised you to be who you are, they did well.
Walter SobchakJuly 24, 2019, 7:58 PM
May her memory be a blessing to you and to your family.
TerryJuly 24, 2019, 8:15 PM
Gerard, you have not been abandoned by any one of us who is a follower of American Digest. I hope I go before you, brother. I have only my dear wife Susie and you.
Be well.
GraceiaJuly 24, 2019, 10:34 PM
I concur with an earlier poster – your lovely mother must have been so proud of you and all the family. She and your father raised a gentleman and a wise man. We all make our mistakes along life’s path, but if we age to a time when those are faint memories, and the present is filled with love and graciousness, we have lived a good life.
Prayers are with you this evening and in the days to come as you settle into your new reality.
Blessings >
RebeccaJuly 25, 2019, 6:56 AM
Oh, Mr V. …
My deep condolences to you.
May her memory be eternal.
BobJuly 25, 2019, 12:29 PM
You were truly blessed to have such fine parents, and your mother for so long!! My condolences. I was really surprised by this news because for so long every year you’d write about her on her birthday and we could see how active she was. But, as I was reading Psalm 49 this morning, I was rightly reminded that there we all–even the wise–will go the way of all flesh:
7 No one can redeem the life of another
or give to God a ransom for them—
8 the ransom for a life is costly,
no payment is ever enough—
9 so that they should live on forever
and not see decay.
10 For all can see that the wise die,
that the foolish and the senseless also perish
Wisdom is knowing this truth and living with it in understanding: “But God will redeem me from the realm of the dead; he will surely take me to himself.”
ghostsniperJuly 25, 2019, 2:21 PM
I’m glad you shared Lois with us.
She lives in our memories until we join her.
Teri PittmanJuly 25, 2019, 6:43 PM
Thank you for sharing your mother with us. It was a blessing to have her in your life for so long.
The mingling of their ashes is ineffably lovely. In every way, a dutiful and loving son to an amazing and faithful mother is something to celebrate, something that tells us life should make us feel this way, even in death: satisfied in its wholeness. What a blessing you have lived with her and shared with us!
” All we go down to the dust; yet even at the grave we make
our song: Alleluia, alleluia, alleluia.”
Condolences again, Gerard.
I pray the three great women in my life; my mother, my wife and my Aunt, all having their own gifts and charms get to meet your great lady in the hereafter. They’ll be waiting.
Hangtown Bob and PegJuly 28, 2019, 11:27 AM
Gerard,
It was a beautiful and moving service and a friendly and joyful reception. It was our honor to have been able to be there.
Real World Address for Donations, Mash Notes and Hate Mail
Gerard Van der Leun
1692 MANGROVE AVE
APT 379
Chico, Ca 95926
Green Pants Interior by Klahn
Who Am I? by Carl Sandburg
My head knocks against the stars.
My feet are on the hilltops.
My finger-tips are in the valleys and shores of universal life.
Down in the sounding foam of primal things I reach my hands and play with pebbles of destiny.
I have been to hell and back many times.
I know all about heaven, for I have talked with God.
I dabble in the blood and guts of the terrible.
I know the passionate seizure of beauty
And the marvelous rebellion of man at all signs reading “Keep Off.”
My name is Truth and I am the most elusive captive in the universe.
Duty, Beauty, Liberty, Country, Honor, Family, Faith — Plus a few simple easy to follow rules for guys
Men saw the stars at the edge of the sea
They thought great thoughts about liberty
Poets wrote down words that did fit
Writers wrote books
Thinkers thought about it
Take it where you find it
Can’t leave it alone
You will find a purpose
To carry it on
Mainly when you find it
Your heart will be strong
About it
Many’s the road I have walked upon
Many’s the hour between dusk and dawn
Many’s the time
Many’s the mile
I see it all now
Through the eyes of a child
Take it where you find it
Can’t leave it alone
You will find a purpose
To carry it on
Mainly when you find it
Your heart will be strong
About it
[Chorus]
Lost dreams and found dreams
In America
In America
In America
Lost dreams and found dreams
In America
In America
In America
And close your eyes
Leave it all for a while
Leave the world
And your worries behind
You will build on whatever is real
And wake up each day
To a new waking dream
Take it where you find it
Can’t leave it alone
You will find a purpose
To carry it on
Mainly when you find it
Your heart will be strong
About it
[Chorus]
Change, change come over
Change come over
Talkin’ about a change
Change, change
Change come over, now
Change, change, change come over
I’m gonna walk down the street
Until I see
My shining light
I’m gonna walk down the street
Until I see
My shining light
I’m gonna walk down the street
Until I see
My shining light
I’m gonna walk down the street
Until I see
My shining light
I see my light
See my light
See my shining light
I see my light
See my light
See my shining light
Gerard Van der Leun
Comments on this entry are closed.
Epic life and well noted by this post. I am honored by this company, and undeserving personally.
Who doesn’t love to told of a great woman?
Take care, Gerard.
It is a fine thing to know you and read your writing. Love you brother
I’m glad to set down my morning ominous tidings, and borrow a little grace and beauty and warmth from you for a while. Helps my mind. Thanks, Gerard.
This is why we come here and why we come back each day. God bless you and thank you for this site.
Sorry to learn of your Mother’s passing. I’ve been reading about her here for several years. Through your writing your love for her was evident.
May God hold you and your family close in the days and months to come and comfort your hearts with pleasant memories.
Thank you for sharing. May God bless and keep her soul.
A celebration of a life well lived!
Would that can be said of us all.
They are still with you in spirit.
That was really beautiful. Your parents must have been very proud to have such a son.
My condolences, my father also passed earlier this summer.
Vita mutatur, non tollitur, Life is changed, not taken away.
Wonderful! Your mother was honored by your presence all of you by hers. What more could any of us want than the love and respect of those that know us best. You had a wonderful mother, she had a wonderful family. There was no luck involved, she and your dad raised you to be who you are, they did well.
May her memory be a blessing to you and to your family.
Gerard, you have not been abandoned by any one of us who is a follower of American Digest. I hope I go before you, brother. I have only my dear wife Susie and you.
Be well.
I concur with an earlier poster – your lovely mother must have been so proud of you and all the family. She and your father raised a gentleman and a wise man. We all make our mistakes along life’s path, but if we age to a time when those are faint memories, and the present is filled with love and graciousness, we have lived a good life.
Prayers are with you this evening and in the days to come as you settle into your new reality.
Blessings >
Oh, Mr V. …
My deep condolences to you.
May her memory be eternal.
You were truly blessed to have such fine parents, and your mother for so long!! My condolences. I was really surprised by this news because for so long every year you’d write about her on her birthday and we could see how active she was. But, as I was reading Psalm 49 this morning, I was rightly reminded that there we all–even the wise–will go the way of all flesh:
7 No one can redeem the life of another
or give to God a ransom for them—
8 the ransom for a life is costly,
no payment is ever enough—
9 so that they should live on forever
and not see decay.
10 For all can see that the wise die,
that the foolish and the senseless also perish
Wisdom is knowing this truth and living with it in understanding: “But God will redeem me from the realm of the dead; he will surely take me to himself.”
I’m glad you shared Lois with us.
She lives in our memories until we join her.
Thank you for sharing your mother with us. It was a blessing to have her in your life for so long.
and then we were orphans …
You have a touch with words, friend.
God bless you.
Deep condolences. She always sounded like a helluva lady.
The mingling of their ashes is ineffably lovely. In every way, a dutiful and loving son to an amazing and faithful mother is something to celebrate, something that tells us life should make us feel this way, even in death: satisfied in its wholeness. What a blessing you have lived with her and shared with us!
” All we go down to the dust; yet even at the grave we make
our song: Alleluia, alleluia, alleluia.”
Condolences again, Gerard.
I pray the three great women in my life; my mother, my wife and my Aunt, all having their own gifts and charms get to meet your great lady in the hereafter. They’ll be waiting.
Gerard,
It was a beautiful and moving service and a friendly and joyful reception. It was our honor to have been able to be there.