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The Right Fool for the Right Job

“No problem. I’ve done this thousands of times….”

Every time I think that mankind really is “the crown of creation,” something like this comes along to confirm we’re just God’s experiment with “the smart monkey” to see if He can glean better monologue material for “The Eternity Show:”

A man has been severely injured after attempting to loosen a stiff wheel-nut on his car by blasting it with a shotgun. The 66-year-old American shot the wheel from arm’s length with a 12-gauge shotgun and was peppered with ricocheting buckshot and debris. According to a sheriff’s office report, he was taken to Tacoma General Hospital with severe but not life threatening injuries. His legs, feet and abdomen were worst affected, but some injuries went as high as his chin.
The man had been repairing a Lincoln Continental for about two weeks at his home near Southworth in Washington state, about ten miles from Seattle. He had successfully removed all but one wheel-nut on the right rear wheel and resorted to firepower out of sheer frustration on Saturday afternoon. — Man hurt after blasting wheel with shotgun

How I would have loved to have been listening in on that thought process:

“One damn nut to go…. just one. Just fit this lug wrench over the nut, and

…t…w….i….s…t, and…..”


“ARRRRGH! SHIT! Barked the knuckle….

no problem….

just get this big Visegrip and lock it down…. there…. now just whack the sucker

with this small sledge hammer and…..”



Deep measured breathing and slowly rising wrothful rumblings ensue as the afflicted limps and hobbles about the shop.

“That’s it. THAT’S IT! You sombitch nut.

You’re COMING OFF BABY! OFF! Time for the BIG GUNS!….


Yes, that’s it. I’ll just BLOW THIS MOTHER OFF!

“Git that shotgun out of the cabinet. That’s it. Load both chambers. Saves time.

Won’t be effing around this time. Got to get in close.

Get that barrel right on the steel nut which is on the steel wheel which is on the steel axle which is on the steel car…. and…. stand at an angle so that there won’t be any chance of ricochet and just s..q..e..e..z..e off a round and….”


And then a silence over which we hear a slowly rising siren and then a small voiceover saying, “I wonder if they’ve got Monster Garage on the hospital’s cable system….”


Comments on this entry are closed.

  • Casey Klahn October 1, 2021, 7:35 AM

    There are few problems a 12 gauge will not solve. Stuck lug nuts, for instance.

    • James ONeil October 1, 2021, 9:40 AM

      Yep 12 gauges work.

      Years ago a buddy’s septic system froze up in 50 below weather. He took his 12 gauge, pumpkin ball loaded, put the barrel down the septic vent pipe, sighted down it, pulled the trigger.

      Cleared the system just fine but blew back quite a bit of “stuff” up the vent, into his face, on he parka, dripping down on the rest of his clothes.

      The wife made him leave all his clothes out in the entryway before she’d let him back in the house.

  • tim October 1, 2021, 7:56 AM

    Well…did it work?

    Anybody in their right mind knows that’s a job for a rifle, large bore.

    • gwbnyc October 1, 2021, 8:06 AM

      jump up&down on a pipe wrench.

      if it breaks the stud it’s an easy fix, and I know for a fact you can get around on less than a full compliment of nuts 🙂

      • Tooldandtired October 2, 2021, 6:45 PM

        Four guys driving in a car get a flat and pull to the curb. 3 of the guys start changing the tire. The fourth guy is just standing around taking everything in. The guy sees a man at a locked gate behind them. A sign above the gate announces that they have come to a stop with their flat tire just outside of an insane asylum. The guy inside the gate continues to stare. Doesn’t say a word.

        The trio of men have pulled off the hubcap from the flat tire, put the lug nuts inside of the hubcap and are wrestling the spare tire into place. The first man steps onto the hubcap and sends all five lug nuts into the storm drain. Chaos ensues.

        “Now we’re stuck”, says the second man. “What are we gonna do?” says the third.

        The man behind the locked gate speaks. “You could take one lug nut off the other three wheels and put them on that axle. Then drive slowly down the road to the gas station and have them replace the missing lug nuts”

        The fourth guy looks at the man behind the gate. “ Thanks! That’s genius! So…why are you locked up in there?”

        The man says, “I’m locked up in here because I’m crazy, not stupid.”

        • Mike Austin October 4, 2021, 12:59 AM

          In a village there once was a man known to be an imbecile. He was a local celebrity, as local folks would bring tourists and newcomers to the imbecile to show how stupid the man was. The method was always the same: The imbecile would be shown a dime and a nickel and asked to choose. Without fail the imbecile chose the nickel. When asked why, he would respond: “Because it’s bigger.” Everyone would laugh at such stupidity.

          Finally one visitor, after watching this game, whispered to the imbecile: “You know that the dime is worth twice what the nickel is, don’t you?” The imbecile said, “Of course. But if I chose the dime the game would stop.”

  • Dirk October 1, 2021, 8:22 AM

    Pretty certain the rifle pictured belongs to one of the AP Staff haha.

    Casey the 12 is soooooo out of fashion, it is the M4 that’s the universal option, can solve any all problems!, cook dimmer and polish shoes.

    Around here the 12 gauge is an old friend. Got god knows how many. Got one at the front door, got one at the back door, each loaded with a verity of love. 25 spare rounds, all in places of hardcore cover, not concealment.

    He’s the thing, a shotgun like any rifle must have a shoulder stock to be a viable man eater. Yea pistol grips are in flavor, trash pure trash.

    Modern shotguns are amazing tools. Yet I find myself traveling back in time, my fav is the Ithaca model 37 feather weight. Simple effective devastating in ANY hands, just happen to have a dozen ish in all lengths. “ all legal of course”

    When m4s were unobtainum few years back, for like the fifth time in ten years, I saw that shortage coming. I went on a shotgun buying frenzy, purchased many many high end older shotguns for mostly 150.00 a pop, 200/250 for A5 brownings. Most were as new, very little shells launched thru them.

    Anything looked wrong an order to Numerichs and the parts were replaced.

    Past years I’ve left maybe 25 shotguns at friends homes, across the nation. Ammo’s on them.

    Lately my travel shotguns the Kel Tec bull pup, pump gun,,,,,15 plus one. Red dot, and Troy buis sights, a flashlight and 100 extra rounds. The Kel Tec is a formidable tool, but it’s not without its built in flaws. It’s a pump, the shooter MUST stroke the action cycling aggressively to ensure a load is accomplished, a “ short stroke” is the flaw. Mine required 100/150 rounds thru it to smooth it up.

    It’s flawless now.


    • Vanderleun October 1, 2021, 9:58 AM

      Another strong vote for the beautiful Ithaca model 37 feather weight.

      • Dirk October 1, 2021, 5:09 PM

        GV, even my beloved featherweights have issues. Single bar, and bottom ejection, loading is often thought to be a bugaboo point. I don’t happen to agree. Virtually 99% of issue with shooting shotguns can be directly traced back to the operator.

        A competent shotgun shooters magic to watch. Since you have a 37, I’ve got lots and lots of spare pieces and parts. Happy to help,you keep your SG running smoothly.

        Mike mike mike, sorry brother while a pistol griped SG, is certainly handy, it’s not ideal. Their are very few men in the world whom are truly capable of making a stock less rifle or shotgun work to their full capability.

        I started in the mini 14, 556 days, always had folding stocks, then to mp5s, attended lots of subgun classes, got relatively shooting the map , “ tight slung “ something some Brits were in LA teaching us. These guys were SAS, pagoda team, had just done the entry into the embassy after the Iranians jacked it.

        Only fella I recallwas last name, Singleton. Awesome dude, one dam fine trainer. Impressive. Anyway even then those fellas demanded stocks. Went thru the Mac 10 auto days, fun what a waste, nobody seriously into protection or enforcement had much good to say about em.

        I liked to carry the Mac 10 undercover. More for the esthetics then the weapons effectiveness.

        From the mp5s, we went directly into the colt commandos, we did their 9mm version but I preferred the 556. Very stable weapon with a reasonable rounds per minute count. If I was staying with the 9mm was with the mp5, fantastic weapon, just not for me, my team mates.

        About 1994/5 while using colt commando’s we incorporated a fifth man with a 308 caliber rifle. Vests were readily available, a SG right in front of him. Back then was a tricked out model 1100 remingtons or some length of Beneli auto.

        The 308 2as either a fnfal shorty,Or a H&K 91 with the sliding stock. By then I’d gone to theAug Styr 556, bull pup, admittedly mag changes were not as fluid as the Commando’s, but with work things were fine.

        From their I was issued a couple different G36 H&K autos. I did not like the 36, stock was to long, and the optics, and red dot, I had to peacock , stretch my neck extensively. The second and third gen 36s, we’re a much better weapon.

        At one point, we were offered Glock full auto pistols. We trained with agencies towards Portland who-used em, cool, just not for us. We tried Uzis, and we got ahold of two early Thompson’s which was really cool,,,,,,just not practical. And the 45 app grease guns, with the wire stocks. Really enjoyed the grease guns, simply not practical for our needs.

        Where I think I’m headed with this is every weapon offered something specific. End of the day,by far the single most practical-choice was the Colt Commando,with a 62 gr or bigger bullet. The 77 g was idea at that time.

        As a agency we had choices, we had huge tools budgets. Most will not have those opportunities. End of the day, it Is critical to be able to operate with what you have handy. It is rare that a man or woman will be forced into fighting. 99% of the time unassing the area IS the logical choice.

        Many here have the skills sets to-educate those whom need help. Find a group and work together. Keep your pie hole shut, go,shoot,and learn what others have offered to teach,


        • Vanderleun October 2, 2021, 7:59 PM

          Well my Featherweight is very special to me since it comes through a distant friend and compadre. I value it for that reason alone.

          Recently took a course with it called “Shotgun Defense for the Home.” Great course. Just may take it again.

    • EX-Californian Pete October 1, 2021, 10:46 AM

      Dirk- I agree with all that, except the “shoulder stock” part- I have several pistol grip shotguns, and find them extremely useful. (and fun) I’m also a fan of the folding pistol grip stocks.

      Nothing says absolute badass like firing a pistol grip shotgun at arm’s length with one hand, or even better- dropping both hammers simultaneously on a (18″ OAL) Howdah Hunter .20 ga with 120 grains in each barrel and .610 round balls or 000 buck.
      It also has an attachable, beautiful black walnut stock in case your wrist gets tired. Best o’ both worlds.

  • OneGuy October 1, 2021, 8:38 AM

    He must have run out of WD-40

  • ghostsniper October 1, 2021, 9:12 AM

    A good torch comes in handy in many ways.

    • EX-Californian Pete October 1, 2021, 10:31 AM

      Ghost- the guy is from Tacoma, Washington- which pretty much guarantees he’s a Libtard.
      Although WE know how to use to torch, a Libtard would probably apply it to the gas tank after stuffing his pants with road flares.

      Moral of the story- Libtards should NEVER own guns.
      Especially one that’s too stupid to just go spend $20 at Harbor Freight for a cheap-ass impact wrench.

      Positive aspects of the story- a Libtard shot himself.
      And maybe it’ll convince all his Libtard friends that all guns are “icky and dangerous,” and turn theirs in at a “buyback.”

      • ghostsniper October 1, 2021, 11:06 AM

        I have yet to see a lug nut that didn’t eventually see things my way.
        Traveling from Buffalo NY to Seattle WA as I was 60 miles east of Sioux Falls SD on I90 and a flat tire happened on the brand new Chev Cavalier I was driving. Lug nut 1 snapped off. Lug nut 2 snapped off. Lug nut 3 came off as normal. The last lug nut snapped off. DAMN! I put the spare on, tightened the lone lug nut and limped on the shoulder going 10mph. 10 minutes later the backend dropped down and the spare tire passed me on the left. Deadlined. All lug nuts came off and no shotgun was necessary. The guy in the original scenario described above was a limp wrist and a nitwit.

  • Roll-aid October 1, 2021, 9:20 AM

    I wonder if some substantial measure of grain-derived beverages were consumed during the process.

    • Vanderleun October 2, 2021, 8:02 PM

      Of course. Everybody knows you don’t start to really fix things until you’re loose as a goose. It makes for creative thinking.

  • Mike Austin October 1, 2021, 10:18 AM

    When my brother was nine and I was ten, we ran off from some boring family affair at a country church. We hiked over hill and over dale. We came to a fence that penned in some cows. He had to pee, and decided to pee on the fence. It was an electric fence. The lesson he learned there and then stayed with him for the rest of his life.

    I had to pee as well. I peed on a tree.

    • Vanderleun October 2, 2021, 8:03 PM

      Mark Twain: “A man who lifts a cat by its tail will learn a lesson he can learn in no other way.”

  • bwayne October 1, 2021, 11:01 AM

    We cant view that link but you can see the Nov 2007 story here

  • SteveS October 1, 2021, 11:42 AM

    As someone who has spent a big-ass bunch of time, energy, and frustration dealing with rusted automotive hardware, I totally sympathize with Shotgun Man. The guy in the pic looks like a nutter, though. Nobody deploys their eating utensils before the kill is finished.

  • Auntie Analogue October 1, 2021, 3:54 PM

    The oldest trick in the book, which I bet that Mr. Shotlug did not first think to use, is to try first to tighten the nut, and then to try to backing it off. Works about 40-50% of the time, and when it works it saves a hell of a lot of muscle strain and eliminates a lot of blue language.

  • Kevin in PA October 1, 2021, 7:14 PM

    When I lived in Mukilteo, WA, There happened to be a similar situation;
    A basket ball was lodged into th top end of a storm drainage pipe under the road. Local PG shows up and first thing out of his bag-o-tricks was the carbine. It did work, but seriously? Cranking off a round from an AR in a residential neighborhood to take out a basketball?

    Give a boy a hammer and everything looks like a nail.
    Give a dumb-ass cop a patrol carbine and everything looks like a target.

  • Kevin in PA October 1, 2021, 7:15 PM

    Local PD, not PG.

  • Dirk October 4, 2021, 9:39 AM

    Kevin, you got “Tackleberried”.