Rent-A-Minority is a revolutionary new service designed for those oh-shit moments where you’ve realized your award show, corporate brochure, conference panel is entirely composed of white men. For, like, the fifth year in a row. Suddenly you’re being called out on Twitter and you need to look not-racist and not-misogynist fast. Actually doing something meaningful to disrupt institutional inequality would be way too much work; so why not just Rent-A-Minority instead?
We have a minority for every occasion. Whether it’s a tech conference panel, an awards show, an advert, or a business meeting, we will collaborate to find the right minority for you. All of our minorities have been vetted to ensure they are not “too black” or “too Muslim” or “too much of a Feminist.” We know how awkward that can be. Each minority comes with bespoke pricing based on a proprietary algorithm that analyzes current states of supply/demand and the Degree of Diversity (TM) intrinsic to the potential hire.
“WANT MORE INFO?”
“YOU’RE DAMN SKIPPY I DO! “
Comments on this entry are closed.
“Rent a minority”? Seriously? No one is offering to rent me, a red haired, freckled, blue eyed one percent (1%!) example of humankind. What’s up with that? Seriously, I’m the rarest of the rare! And no offers? I have to say that I am seriously offended!
That is some funny shit. Well done site too.
They stink like 4 mfr’s.
How about including the “Nominal Christian”- guaranteed not to oppose abortion or trannys? Definitely need the “Non-Threatening Veteran” for those occasions you need to wave the flag! Guaranteed not to have PTSD or oppose sending troops into another foreign war. The NTV can also be an oppressed minority to double your virtue signaling in one package.
Better be careful. You rent one or two, next thing you know they own your company and you are fired for -phobia.
I just spewed Dr. Pepper thru my nose.
I started laughing uncontrollably, then I started choking. Now I’m dead. Best article in a long time.
Rent a minority… that is the funniest shit I’ve read in forever!
Do they rent colorless people? That would be people with no talent, no hobby, no interest, no purpose, no ability, no drive (maybe reverse), dull as mud, and dum as can b. If I cared, I’d volunteer for the job.
Lynne Wolfe, I feel your pain & wish to share with you hope. University of Utah has installed a “cry closet” in their library when the safe spaces, comfort animals, community hugs & other such consolements are insufficient. Of course, this is just a start & may not be enough, but we should petition Bernie Sanders (he’d likely accept the challenge) to demand the requirement that all buildings open to the public provide them & all new housing units to include at least one. May God bless & keep you knowing you are not alone, but among the near uncountable of us suffering unreported & unrecognized oppression, though every day they are widening their scope to include us. Hugs, pats on the back, & a few tears, –tex