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Of Phone Fashions and the Excreta of the Nose

Many millennials like to fool themselves about their elders by thinking that older folks “just don’t get it” when it comes to current fashions and trends among the pampered denizens of “the really not great at all generation.” They’re dead wrong about this and, indeed, so dead wrong in so many ways that many millennials may end up both wrong and dead before their time. I’m an elder and I know the difference between a lost generation and a stupid generation. For millennials think the latter. They’re not so much lost as too stupid to find their commodious asses with both hands. As usual, when it comes to the young and stupid, fashion is a dead giveaway to their lack of functioning neural circuits in their atrophied deep-fried tofu brains.


      1. It could not have escaped anyone’s notice that smartphones are expensive be they iPhones from Crapple or Android phones. Regardless of all the sweet and confusing comeons you pay a lot for your phone and even more if you lose it. Right? Right.  And yet endless hordes of numale/female/gaymale/transmale morons en masse seem to think that the right place to carry a $500+ accessory is sticking halfway out of your very tight jean ass pocket. These brain-bleached bozos seem to think that this little fashion foible is NOT a walking invitation to pluck-pocket the phone. Seems to me that a swift and industrious pluckpocket could harvest a half-dozen phones in a halfternoon. It probably doesn’t occur to the plucked-pocket packer until after their phone is down the road and they are on the hook to buy another. At which point the 1984 group thinking millennials will stuff their new phone right back into the pocket previously pillaged.
    1. Millennials have a lot of fashion accessories jammed into various holes in their bodies to keep up with the relentless pressure to become, not more attractive to others, but more and more grotesque. All our cities and towns are now overrun with Etch-A-Sketch savages who think they are being edgy and original by sporting vast acres of third rate or jailhouse tattoos on their corpulent bodies and then forcing others to observes their deep and abiding hideousness. But tats only scratch the surface. Going deeper than a surface scratch we now have to endure the clanking collections of body piercings; bones in the nose, corks the size of saucers in the ears, nipple rings, scrotum bells, and worse clanking and clanging away down below as the “individualists” (aka Marching Morons) schlump along the aisles of your nearest Walmart or crack smoking gallery (aka Walmart restrooms). The latest little accessories in this Museum of Ugly are the “Nose Boogers.” At least, nose boogers are what I call them. These bits of “body jewelry” are tiny little spheres of silver of black that are placed just inside the nostrils in such a configuration that at first glance they seem to be dangling spherical boogers. While reminding others that your nose contains the crusts and detritus of dust caught in the mucus doesn’t strike me as a turn on it obviously gets the millennials purrbox pumping. The moment the bodymod movement comes up with magnet implants in the penis is going to give a whole new meaning to the term “nosejob.”

It could be that I’m just so old that I don’t see the sanity or beauty in these items since they are now everywhere. On the other hand, it could be that the first piercing a millennial gets is a burst from a nail gun right in the center of the forehead on the first day of school.

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  • John the River February 18, 2019, 6:01 PM

    Scrotum bells???
    I can’t unhear that!

  • jwm February 18, 2019, 6:53 PM

    The first gif says it all. One stupid move cost her a phone, another cost her her beauty.


  • PA Cat February 18, 2019, 8:17 PM

    Gerard refers to “the relentless pressure to become, not more attractive to others, but more and more grotesque,” but left out (or didn’t have space for) that other trendy form of millennial self-mutilation, transgender surgery. Here’s the website of a plastic surgeon in Florida (yep, in Broward County, no surprise there) describing the various types of “top” surgery (double mastectomy, IOW) for FTM transgenders, along with what he calls “ManSculpture® Body Masculinization.” Details not for the faint of heart.

    Interestingly, the good doctor has another page on his site for FTMs unhappy with the results of top surgery: “Have you had a Botched or Awful Result of FTM Top Surgery performed by another Doctor?
    Do you want your FTM Top Surgery performed by another Doctor to look better and have a better result?
    Did your other Doctor tell you they couldn’t fix your Botched or Awful Result of FTM Top Surgery performed by them?
    Dr. Garramone Can Help”

    No wonder I returned to look at Gerard’s latest photo of the lovely Miss Olive. Cats are too smart to disfigure themselves with tats, body piercings, and all the other human surgical follies.

  • ghostsniper February 19, 2019, 4:18 AM

    Join the retard club, bring your box of colors.

  • H February 19, 2019, 5:50 AM

    The guy over at thisisnthappiness.com has one up this morning that says [to paraphrase] when we laughed and said what’s the worst that can happen we obviously didn’t know what we were talking about.

  • OneGuy February 19, 2019, 7:33 AM

    The problem I have with the smart phone is that it is too big and too delicate to carry. I have put it in my back pocket and sat on it. I have had it fall out of my jacket pocket. Because the format is so awkward I often leave it home. I have considered getting rid of it and buying a flip phone like I used to have. Easy and safe to carry in my front pocket. But I do like some of the smart phone features. What to do? I have even considered buying the flip phone and having both phones. But that would be crazy, having a phone that was useful but so awkward that I would rarely carry it and having a phone that I could easily carry but lacking some of the useful features I want in a phone. Still a delimma.

  • jwm February 19, 2019, 8:19 AM

    The other day I was out on the bike path and I saw three millennial asian kids, all locked into their cell phones, and walking single file like some blind centipede. It looked like a cartoon. How many times have I seen families sitting down at a restaurant table, and every freakin’ one is tuned into their own cell? I see pre-school kids locked into the thumbling and zombie stare. I have a flip phone. I use it like a walkie-talkie. You know– call the wife if I’m going be out long. When I remember to take it along with me, that is.


  • ghostsniper February 19, 2019, 9:32 AM

    A friend stopped by and asked why I didn’t answer the text he sent last week. I looked around and my phone wasn’t obvious. Went out and looked in my ride and there it was, laying on the floor between the passenger seat and the door, where it had been for more then a month, according to the phone log. It’s an LG with the biggest screen I ever owned, but why would I suffer myself that way when I have (2) 28″ monitors on my desk? The reason all the onionheads stare at the tiny screens so long is they are trying to figure out what is on it.

  • Harry February 19, 2019, 12:02 PM

    With parents using their phones to entertain their one and two year olds, who are now entranced with those brightly colored shapes flashing across and around the screen, things can only degenerate.

  • G706 February 20, 2019, 1:37 PM

    Bless my bookstore, I haven’t seen a Tom Swift book in years. Went and dug out my dad’s copy of Tom Swift and His Giant Cannon. Only 6 pages until the modern reader would be offended.

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