Never apologize. It is a sign of weakness.
I was out running errands, standing in the line at Walmart for meds.
Behind me comes this guy, looked like he was on a Polack bowling team.
Mid-forties, wouldn't know matching colors if they bit him in the butt.
"Whassatcha got?" He asks, pointing to the cafe curtain rod I'm holding.
I spoke not a word, showed him.
"Oh" he sez, "thought it was one a them canes. My buddy has one with four feet".
"Yes, when we get older we lose equilibrium." I said (my mistake).
"Oh" he sez, "I lost my equilibrium when I had that aneurism, back in '97."
"You're lucky to be alive" sez I.
"I dunno, I'm waiting for them to come get me. Y'know, go up into space".
"I'm five foot ten." I said with finality, "you won't need any money up there."
He nodded sagely and I saw behind his eyes he'll be chewing on that for a while.
The art of conversation, one of my strong suits.
I can think of around 100+ people that letter would work for. Wouldn't appease the bastards but it would work for me.