October 20, 2006

A Man With A Plan Panama -- Vacation, That Is

One of my more clear-headed email correspondents has a plan for a little R&R for Iraq Operations at this point in the game. To wit:

Speaking of vacations, the corn-eatin' asshole in me has been thinking that what we should do in Irag (to both save face and try something different) is to announce that, due to our busy election season, and the need to attend to "other affairs," the United States will be leaving the area immediately for a:


.....adding that this is not a change in plans, but a routine part of operations and that we expect those left behind to, "behave, take good care of themselves, and do the best they can."

We would then depart immediately, noting that we would be "checking voicemail" but we would also leave some financial incentives to foster the viral growth of indigenous spy networks. For instance, we'd flood public places with stacks of tear-off application forms listing contact information and specific, generous rewards for:

  • Confirmed IED factory: $1500
  • Confirmed Suicide Bomber Instructor: $2500
  • Confirmed Suicide Bomber Trainee: $14
  • Confirmed Insurgent Weapon Cache Location: $2500
  • Confirmed Death Squad Organizer: $2500
  • Verifiable Photo of a Mullah in Compromising Position: $3000
  • Verifiable Photo of a Mullah with Pants Off in Compromising Position: $6000
(your list continues here..)

Then we use the three vacation months to:

  • Save the lives of 200 hundred US soldiers -
  • Accumulating vast amounts of unused money, fuel, ammo -
  • Catch up on the best YouTube postings -
  • Visit the folks back home for some much-deserved R&R,

and most importantly -

  • See what the fuck happens, but from a safe distance..
After three months, we weigh our options:
  • Use the info (and money) we have accumulated to try something more effective
  • Not go back at all cause "everything worked out OK.."
  • Broadly announce that we've received a "better offer from a country more eager for our help."
At which point they would be free to continue grinding each other to bits while training more ignorant youngsters how to make push-button car headliner installations of themselves.

I don't see what we'd lose by doing this. Do you?

I have to admit that I personally see no downside to this strategem.

Posted by Vanderleun at October 20, 2006 6:44 PM
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"It is impossible to speak in such a way that you cannot be misunderstood." -- Karl Popper N.B.: Comments are moderated and may not appear immediately. Comments that exceed the obscenity or stupidity limits will be either edited or expunged.

Some carrots will go a lot farther than 100,000 new targets. Easy for me to say, but help those who help themselves and all that. It is a drop in the bucket compared to what we are spending now.

Posted by: sockpuppet in training at October 20, 2006 7:17 PM

I think its a great idea, and definitely outside the box. Now, it is possible some of our troops may still be itchy for action, perhaps we could deploy them along our southern border. Not to kill anyone, mind you, but put a laser sight on every rifle, and let them put red dots on the folks coming across. Could be funny.

Posted by: Mr Jones at October 21, 2006 5:32 AM

The first problem is that, if one really did what you suggested, there would be no political will to go back after three months. Second, whatever infrastructure that you had put in place would be looted/destroyed; i.e. forgetting Iraqi infrastructure, I'm talking about U.S. facilities. Along these lines it's not just the U.S. troops but a whole mess of contractors and their infrastructure. Another consideration is that the expense of actually removing everyone and everything is probably alot larger than the expense of the current rotation program. It may be more logical to pull back into remote bases and see how things turn out. Regardless, if we don't have the political will to do something about a pig like Muqtada al-Sadr now then what the heck is the point. The Shiites will/are cleansing the area of Sunni's and the Kurds will cut some sort of deal with the Shiites...assuming the Turks don't come over the border and really mess things up. As an aside, if the U.S. really did pull out the Turks would most definitely come over the border and probably take Kirkuk. They have already dusted off the old deeds they have for that land under the Ottomans.

Posted by: Barnabus at October 21, 2006 4:46 PM

Et tu, Brutus?

Posted by: Webutante at October 21, 2006 8:02 PM