March 25, 2004

Scrappleface Headlines We'd Like to See


Posted by Vanderleun at March 25, 2004 11:46 AM
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"It is impossible to speak in such a way that you cannot be misunderstood." -- Karl Popper N.B.: Comments are moderated and may not appear immediately. Comments that exceed the obscenity or stupidity limits will be either edited or expunged.

Ted Kennedy's Liver Found To Be In A PVS: Court Orders Chivas Tube Removed

In a tragic move today, a Massachusetts District Court ordered the Chivas tube removed from Ted Kennedy's liver. In a bitter dispute between Ted's liver's legal guardian, Senator Chris Dodd of Connecticut, and Senator Kennedy himself, the court found that both Senator Kennedy's brain and liver were likely in a PVS.

Senator Kennedy countered that he was "not dead yet, and that there was nothing wrong with him that three fingers of Scotch neat wouldn't fix."

Senator Dodd countered to the contrary. "Ted's liver told me years ago that should it ever cease functioning, that I was to stop all Chivas applications, and believe me, Ted's liver and I were on intimate terms."

Senator Kennedy complained bitterly that the ruling was a "travesty of justice. What's this country coming to when a man can't control his own bodily functions."

Experts insisted that Senator Kennedy's liver would pass peacefully.

Posted by: Old Dad at March 25, 2005 12:28 PM

... Mary Jo Kopechne was unavailable for comment.

Posted by: P.A. Breault at March 25, 2005 1:20 PM

And the funny thing of course is that it is just the opposite.

Must make some people really sick to obesrve the vast majority of Americans seeing through the slime of Bush, Delay et al et al.

Posted by: David Sucher at March 25, 2005 1:50 PM

David, with all due respect, you are highly delusional, as the elections of 2006 will make clear to you.

Posted by: Gerard Van Der Leun at March 25, 2005 2:56 PM

Gerard, if the elections of 2002 and 2004 did not clarify this matter for David (who's a little unclear about what he considers "slimy", but let that pass. I'll take it as a general and all-encompassing statement)... anyway, if the last two election cycles haven't made it clear to David, what makes you think the next one will?

Posted by: jaed at March 25, 2005 7:10 PM

That may be so -- that I am highly delusional: most of my liberal neighbors thinks so too -- Gerard; but in any case the election will not turn on the Schiavo case.

Btw, I am astonished and a bit bemused that you would link to my blog. While I appreciate your ascerbic wit, I think you are dead wrong, fascinatingly wrong, on just about every issue. So why am I so honored?

Posted by: David Sucher at March 25, 2005 7:13 PM

Because your page is extremely interesting.

I don't require agreement. That would be very uninteresting.

Posted by: Gerard Van Der Leun at March 25, 2005 7:24 PM

As for "Must make some people really sick to obesrve the vast majority of Americans seeing through the slime..." I assume that is a reference to all the polls being tossed around on this issue. Well, let be be the finale of seem.... but so far in the last six months I score it:

Control of the Presidency
Control of the House
Control of the Senate

Doing okay in Iraq.
Doing okay in Afghanistan.

Palestine and Israel may be coming around.

Head of the World Bank

Stock Market chugging along

Inflation under control

Job growth positive

Etcetera and so forth....

Against which the Left has...

A couple of opinion polls and a dying disabled woman in Florida to chalk up in their "Win" column.

Pretty thin gruel, don't you think.

Oh, yes, it just could be that the coming death of Terri Schiavo might just make it that much easier for the administration to appoint new judges to all levels of the Federal bench.

And as for the idea that "the election will not turn on the Schiavo case," you might want to think back to Florida in 2000 and the Elian Gonzalas case. If Janet Reno hadn't sent in the marshalls, enought Cubans might have voted Democrat to make Al Gore President.

But don't let that trouble your sleep. History will tell.

Posted by: Gerard Van Der Leun at March 25, 2005 7:35 PM

Like George W. Bush, I sleep very well.
Of course that is no indicator of wisdom for either one of us.

Posted by: David Sucher at March 27, 2005 8:03 AM

No, but it does say something about peace of mind and a clear conscience.

Posted by: Gerard Van Der Leun at March 27, 2005 10:59 AM