March 13, 2008

The Pitch *


It's late in the winter of 2005. Hillary and Obama are having lunch in the Senate Dining Room, brainstorming campaign ideas to pitch to the Democratic National Committee.

Obama: Why don't they have salsa on the table?

Hillary: What do you need salsa for?

Obama: Salsa is now the number one condiment in America.

Hillary: You know why? Because people like to say "salsa." "Excuse me, do you have salsa?" "We need more salsa." "Where is the salsa? No salsa?"

Obama: You know it must be impossible for a Spanish person to order seltzer and not get salsa. (Angry) "I wanted seltzer, not salsa."

Hillary: "Don't you know the difference between seltzer and salsa?? You have the seltzer after the salsa!"

Obama: (Just throwing it out there): This should be the campaign.

Hillary: What?

Obama: This. Just arguing. Arguing about nothing.

Hillary (Dismissing): Yeah, right.

Obama: No I'm serious. That sounds like a good idea.

Hillary: Just arguing? What's the campaign about?

Obama: It's about nothing.

Hillary: No real policies?

Obama: No, forget the policies.

Hillary: You've got to have policies.

Obama: Who says you gotta have policies? Remember when we were voting for... for that Senate resolution that proclaimed 'making good people feel good is a good thing' that time? That could be a whole presidential campaign.

Hillary: And who is running in this campaign about nothing? Who are the candidates?

Obama: I could be a candidate.

Hillary: You?

Obama: Yeah. You could run for President as a woman who is not really a woman, except when you cry, and I could run for President as a black man who is not really a black man, except when I go to church. Democrats would buy it. They really would. They're Democrats!

Hillary: So, on my campaign trail in 2008, there's a candidate following me around named Barack Hussein Obama?

Obama: Yeah. There's something wrong with that? I'm candidential. People are always saying to me, "You know you're a quite a candidate."

Hillary: And who else is on the campaign trail in this campaign about nothing?

Obama: That poof Edwards could be a candidate. Kucinich....

Hillary: Now he's a candidate..... So everybody I know is a candidate in the campaign?

Obama: Right.

Hillary: And it's about nothing?

Obama: Absolutely nothing.

Hillary: So you're saying, I go in to the DNC, and tell them I got this idea for a campaign about nothing.

Obama: WE go into the DNC.

Hillary: "We"? Since when are you experienced enough?

Obama (Scoffs): Experience. We're talking to Democrats.

Hillary: You want to go with me to the DNC?

Obama: Yeah. I think we really go something here.

Hillary: What do we got?

Obama: A concept.

Hillary: What concept?

Obama: A concept for a winning presidential campaign.

Hillary: I still don't know what the concept is!

Obama: It's a campaign about HOPE AND CHANGE. It's about nothing!

Hillary: Right. Who does HOPE and who does CHANGE?

Obama: I'll do HOPE and CHANGE because I can do nothing about them. You can do EXPERIENCE because you don't really have any. All these Republican candidates are going to campaign on something. We'll campaign on nothing!

Hillary: So, we go into the DNC, we tell them we've got an idea for a campaign about nothing.

Obama: Exactly.

Hillary: They say, "What's your campaign about?" I say, "Nothing."

Obama: There you go.

Hillary (After a moment of pause): I think you may have something there.

* Source

Posted by Vanderleun at March 13, 2008 11:11 PM
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"It is impossible to speak in such a way that you cannot be misunderstood." -- Karl Popper N.B.: Comments are moderated and may not appear immediately. Comments that exceed the obscenity or stupidity limits will be either edited or expunged.

Stop giving nihilism a bad name!

Posted by: Gagdad Bob at March 14, 2008 7:53 AM

I'd rather those two stopped trying to master our domain and concentrated on trying to master their own.

Posted by: Rich Fader at March 14, 2008 9:14 AM

No earmarks for you!! -cp

Posted by: cold pizza at March 14, 2008 10:37 AM

Barracks new message: Hilary - not-spongeworthy

Posted by: Rick at March 14, 2008 10:46 AM