January 10, 2010

Flying; The Prophecy from 2005

Dateline: March 10, 2005 in The Brand-Extension Blight @ AMERICAN DIGEST

Please allow me to quote my favorite source, me.

FLYING: Everybody's favorite. On my first flight to Europe, everyone dressed for success. Now everyone dresses for Gold's Gym. And I'm sure the next step in TOTAL SECURITY will be to require everyone who is not of Arab descent to arrive with a note from their doctor attesting that they had a high colonic an hour before the airport to make the body cavity searches a bit more pleasant for the staff. Then there's the added coach thrill of a blood clot developing in the legs that stops your heart at 50,000 feet. Plus... no peanuts! After all, think of the allergic children! Add to that the new innovation, no pillows! I don't see why the airlines don't simply install hooks and, working in concert with government's laughable security cops, require everyone to hang from said hooks naked. It will come to that. You know it will.

Posted by Vanderleun at January 10, 2010 8:09 AM
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"It is impossible to speak in such a way that you cannot be misunderstood." -- Karl Popper N.B.: Comments are moderated and may not appear immediately. Comments that exceed the obscenity or stupidity limits will be either edited or expunged.

I'm thinking along the lines of a full cavity search and one size fits all paper gowns.

Posted by: leelu at January 10, 2010 8:31 AM

I am willing to show up naked, I just don't know if you folks could handle it.

Posted by: Fat Man at January 10, 2010 9:43 AM

“The United States does not have a security system; it has a system for bothering people.”

Hat tip to Proof Positive.

Posted by: Morgan K Freeberg at January 10, 2010 10:48 AM

For the money spent trying to reassure us they could hire an anesthesiologist to level the playing field completely. Then we could be stacked and packed like cereal boxes. No cabin crew, just an aerial RN. Profit margin zooms out of sight. Done.

Posted by: Hannon at January 10, 2010 11:31 AM

I remember centuries ago when one could smoke on a modern jetliner. I really miss how almost no one cared.
I wonder if the president can smoke on ours.

Posted by: Ricky Raccoon at January 10, 2010 6:15 PM

Here's a great idea...before boarding, just shoot everyone in the ass with a tranquilizer dart. Then, zip them up into a bullet/explosive proof bag in case they wake up in flight. No carry-on luggage is allowed, because baby...you ARE the luggage. When the plane lands, you are unloaded by a team of caring, gentle baggage, er, passenger handlers. Next you're put on a conveyer belt system which deposits you into the terminal to be claimed by your loved ones. The bags will then be collected, hosed out and ready to go for the next flight.

Posted by: Mumblix Grumph at January 10, 2010 9:24 PM

Body cavity searches?

Forget the colonic. I plan on gorging on curried fish balls and deviled eggs.

Those bastards will remember my cavities.

Posted by: monkeyfan at January 12, 2010 10:52 AM