It's time to pay up for the The New York Times in a couple of weeks, so binge and purge now.
As of March 28, cramming your brain full of the Times will cost you $420, $240, or $180 per year, depending. Here's what you get, or what you'll be missing.
When you subscribe, you'll get unlimited access to articles and blog posts, as well as video, slide shows and other multimedia features - on the Web site, on the mobile site and on our smartphone and tablet apps. With your subscription, you'll also get 100 Archive articles every four weeks. NYTimes digital subscriptions do not include Premium Crosswords or The New York Times Crosswords apps.
You can spend up to a half a grand on the NYET Times, or you can save that money and your mind by joining my patented and effective:
NYet Times Anonymous: The Twelve Steps
Study of these Steps is essential in order to progress towards sobriety and sanity through NYet Times Anonymous. The principles they embody are universal, applicable to everyone except Hopelessly Addicted Liberals who have not yet bottomed and persist in compulsive Obamallatio.
In NYet Times Anonymous, we strive for an ever-deeper understanding of our addiction to NYet Times Blather and devote ourselves to ending it forever. We are always mindful that even one small sip of a Maureen Dowd column can lead to a life of existential despair and intellectual bottoming out.
These 12 steps we have found essential for overcoming the NYTimes affliction in our minds and the plague upon the nation. We extend them here to our fellow sufferers.
1. We admitted we were powerless over The NYet Times -- that our reading lives had become unmanageable.2. Came to believe that a Fox News greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity, truth, justice and the American Way.
3. Made a decision to turn our New York Times subscription (and our lust to feel smarter than the guy next door who reads the LAte Times) over to the care of Fox News as we understood It.
4. Made a searching moral inventory of Maureen Dowd, Paul Krugman, Pinch Sulzberger and the other sagging bodies and colonized minds swapping spit in the NYet Times editorial hot tub.
5. Admitted to Fox, to ourselves and to our Higher Power the exact nature of our misplaced credulity and lust after a front page review of our next book in the NYet Times Sunday Book Review, or just one leetle link from Tom Friedman.
6. Were entirely ready to have Fox News and our local proctologist remove all copies of the NYet Times from our memory banks.
7. Humbly asked Bill O'Reilly to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed by quoting the NYet Times in arguments and blatherfests, and became willing to send them gift subscriptions to the National Review.
9. Watched Fox News wherever possible, except when to do so would cause our teeth to burst into flames.
10. Continued to guard against reading the NYet Times and when we slipped promptly watched Fox News.
11. Sought through Anne Coulter to improve our conscious contact with Fox News as we understood it, praying only for Glenn Beck's advertisers to come back.
12. Having had a huge amount of spare time added to our lives, especially on Sundays, as the result of not reading the NYet Times, we tried to extend our watching of Fox News to others who were still addicted to the NYet Times.
NTET Times Anonymous: Helping Timesaholics since 2004. "Keep coming back. It works!"
Posted by Vanderleun at March 17, 2011 1:52 PM | TrackBack
Going from the New York Times to Fox News is like swearing off heroin in favor of bubble gum.
Posted by: Scott Ferguson at July 15, 2003 4:41 AMyeah
Posted by: valvalla at July 15, 2003 5:12 AMKnow thy enemy.
Posted by: Richard Nixon at July 15, 2003 6:02 AMI didn't trade the NYT for Fox News, I traded it for the internet.
Posted by: Brian Perry at July 15, 2003 6:35 AMI find it easy not to fret about NYT when staring at E.D. Hill's legs (Fox and Friends). People can golf with whom ever they wish.
Posted by: Phil Spomer at July 15, 2003 6:55 AMI gave up the NY Times after my bird died and no longer needed it in the bottom of the cage.
Posted by: Mike Geer at July 15, 2003 8:00 AM12.1 Skip over all articles in local papers that have NYT bylines, or have obtained more than 1% of their facts from NYT.
12.2 Take remaning articles with a grain of salt.
Posted by: joel at July 15, 2003 8:01 AMAll the news that's fit to print, and made up stuff too.
Posted by: jim at July 15, 2003 8:14 AMI have moved 7 times in the last 10 years and have found the NYT wonderful for wrapping glassware and china.
Posted by: Diane Hirschfeld at July 15, 2003 9:41 AMI have moved 7 times in the last 10 years and have found the NYT wonderful for wrapping glassware and china.
Posted by: Diane Hirschfeld at July 15, 2003 9:42 AMI have moved 7 times in the last 10 years and have found the NYT wonderful for wrapping glassware and china.
Posted by: Diane Hirschfeld at July 15, 2003 9:42 AMI've admitted I'm powerless and that the NYT is toxic to my system,
I've canceled my subscription and will go write "Inventory".
Hopefully, I'll soon be "recovered".
bill ryan
Posted by: bill ryan at July 15, 2003 10:34 AMHi, Bill!
Posted by: Van der Leun at July 15, 2003 11:18 AMtwo words: Weekly Standard.
;)
Posted by: otis wildflower at July 15, 2003 11:30 AMReading NYT reminds me newspapers in my old countryCzecoslovakia Pravda(true)and Rude Pravo(red Justice).Excellent fantasy world.
Posted by: Tom Zahav at July 15, 2003 11:46 AMHi Tom!
Posted by: Van der Leun at July 15, 2003 12:15 PMThe NYTIMES is just a leftist rag...very much akin to Pravda...every leftie lucy issue to come down the pike...gets NYTIME support...including the Soviet Union! Castro! And even Saddam Hussein!
Posted by: JoMama at July 15, 2003 12:26 PMHi JoMama!
Posted by: Van der Leun at July 15, 2003 4:06 PMWe ARE the New York Times.
We are still smarter than you.
Resistance is futile - prepare to be assimilated.
It's interesting how you've transformed the original twelve steps. You've replaced "higher power" with "Fox." You're saying, in effect, that Fox = God.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I get it -- it's a joke.
Except it really isn't, is it? You really think Fox is Truth. You think Fox is as close to inerrant as it's possible for a news organization to be -- don't you?
Well, sorry, toots -- if that's what you think, you're the one in the cult. You're the one who's let a force take control of your life.
I live in Manhattan. Most people I know read the Times -- and most people I know complain about the Times: It's too biased. It won't take a stand. It's a mishmash. It's too pro-Israel. It's too pro-Palestinian.
But you Fox-worshipers think the light of truth shines out of Sean Hannity's ass. I don't know anyone who thinks the Times is always right, but I've never read a negative word about Fox from a right-winger, with the possible exception of a few muffled words of criticism for Alan Colmes (though most of you don't even bother with that, because you know what a fine doormat he is for Hannity). It's pathetic.
Congratulations on getting linked by Sullivan. Now maybe you can come up with a twelve-step program to get him to stop obsessing about a paper he despises. Hey Sully -- you don't like it? DON'T READ IT, FER CHRISSAKES!
Posted by: Steve M. at July 15, 2003 8:17 PMHi Steve, I'm not about to take your inventory, but it appears that you have a serious problem with satire. Continuing down that road leads to pursed lips, a big frown line over the forhead and constipated thoughts. Lighten up amigo, your world will be better for it.
P.S., Fox News isn't G--, but it's better and more entertaining then the NYTimes.
Posted by: George M. at July 15, 2003 9:47 PMI had to drop the {}imes; they keep loosing my password!
Posted by: Billy K at July 16, 2003 2:05 AMHi Steve! You shouldn't believe everything you read, especially in the Times. And beware of trying to cull out meanings where meanings do not exist. Otherwise you might become known as a Pecksniff.
Posted by: Van der Leun at July 16, 2003 9:34 AMUnderstanding the enemy is of the utmost importance. Besides, my wife likes the crosswords.
Posted by: Fat Man at August 25, 2009 2:52 PMFaux News sucks giant fake breasts (not much coming out). Understand cons, repeating words over and over and over again, does not necessarily make said words true.
Think faith.
Posted by: RayGun at August 25, 2009 6:56 PMWe dropped the NYT in 2004 and the abominable Newark Star-Ledger in 2008. The benefits were immediate and profound. We just read the WSJ now, but miss having something to read on Sunday. Are you listening, Murdoch?
Posted by: Jonathan at August 25, 2009 6:57 PMVanderleun, sorry, but someone who consistently makes such simple spelling mistakes as 'O'Rielly' and 'Weiner' in the last post is not to be taken seriously.
'Weiner' is nerve fire to anyone with enough knowledge to know that Wiener is sausage from Wien. Perhaps you're sloppy.
Ignorant or sloppy - I know you can do better. Get on it, please.
Pedantic? Maybe. Or maybe I like things to be right, unlike Democrats and other leftists.
Posted by: Fred Z at March 17, 2011 11:18 PMThanks for the pointers, Fred. I do what I can. You just keep pedanting on. Room for all in God's creation.
Posted by: vanderleun at March 17, 2011 11:26 PMIt just seals their doom.
Posted by: ahem at March 18, 2011 6:23 AMI'd rather take my money out to the back yard and set it on fire.
Posted by: rickl at March 18, 2011 6:35 PM"It is impossible to speak in such a way that you cannot be misunderstood." -- Karl Popper N.B.: Comments are moderated to combat spam and may not appear immediately. Comments that exceed the obscenity or stupidity limits will be either edited or expunged.
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