June 23, 2004

Speaking of Using the Word "Traitor" as a Functional Part of the Conversation


I USUALLY LIKE IT WHEN BIG MEDIA picks up on my ideas ( "Exactly when did we stop using the word 'traitor' as a functional part in the American conversation?" ) , but I have to admit I'm less that flattered when big media shows up in the form of Bill O'Reilly.

At the risk of offending the easily offended, I admit that I can't stand to watch O'Reilly; not because I disagree with him, but because he is such a tool.

Nope, that's not quite true. I can't stand to watch O'Reilly because he grates on me like a concrete slide. The man tasks me by his very tone and look. The faux-sharkskin suits. The aging-Conan haircut. The stealth-French manicure. The arch of the eyebrow. The hectoring forefinger jab. The smug and smiling lean-away. The huff job and then the puff job. The last word but one given in a tone of grudging magnanimity. The staged shrug. In short, even a brief exposure to this persona can set my teeth on fire.

Nope, that's not quite true either. The truth is O'Reilly embarrasses me because he demonstrates daily what an insufferable, pompous blowhard I'd be if you gave me a television show. It would be a blatherfest of monstrous proportions much like, well, The O'Reilly Factor, a show that reunites the word "Irish" with "drunk."

I don't watch the show any longer, lest it encourage me to opine and bloviate more than I do, but a recent O'Reillyism caught my attention. Looking at the Durbin debacle and Air America, O'Reilly wanted to clear the air around the concept of treason:

"Everybody got it? Dissent, fine; undermining, you're a traitor. Got it? So, all those clowns over at the liberal radio network, we could incarcerate them immediately. Will you have that done, please? Send over the FBI and just put them in chains, because they, you know, they're undermining everything and they don't care, couldn't care less."
Not that he's wrong about this, mind you. Like many other Americans, if I have to see or hear much more of the clinically unfunny Al Franken, I could be talked into driving the van to Guantanamo. (Yes, I know about the ocean. The frantic thumping from the back would be the fun part of the trip.) It's just that a questionable supporter always puts a good idea in danger.

Having Bill O'Reilly call out other members of the media as a bunch of clowns? Well, its like having ringside seats at Winter Rehearsals at the Barnum & Bailey Clown College. Big shoes, seltzer bottles, baggy pants and poo-poo cushions all around. How many really are in that little car and why don't they all wear the Shriner fez?

If some cable operator really got religion about a "fair and balanced" reality news network for depressed housewives (big underserved demographic), they'd merge the two shows into "The Hot Air America O'Reilly Factor." They could put everyone on one gigantic sound stage with adequate drainage, lay down a lot of plastic tarps, and wheel on some trays with about 1,500 cream pies. Bill and Al could suit up in fright wigs and penis gourds and just let it rip. All guests, regardless of age, color, creed, national origin, or political affiliation would be shot at the end of the show as the credits rolled. Every night at seven. Must see TV.

That's not only entertainment. We're talking Emmy-Oscar-Tony-Pulitzer here, my friends. Maybe even The Nobel Peace Prize.

If it works out, we can merge it next season into the CSI franchise, CSI: Las Smegma in which our forensic team attempts to determine which cheesy rant killed the pundit. Theme song? The Who's I Can See For Miles of course.

Hey, dare to dream.

Posted by Vanderleun at June 23, 2004 7:56 AM
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"It is impossible to speak in such a way that you cannot be misunderstood." -- Karl Popper N.B.: Comments are moderated and may not appear immediately. Comments that exceed the obscenity or stupidity limits will be either edited or expunged.

Van der Loon:

you make me laugh. I kill you last.

hahahaha (Just kidding)

Posted by: Commando Ahnold at June 23, 2005 9:00 AM

So, whaddaya think of that Bill O'Reilly, eh?

Know what you mean. My current rule is you only have to piss me off once.
I'm watching a lot less TV these days.

Posted by: ed in texas at June 23, 2005 9:06 AM

That's a good rule. Mind if I appropriate it?

Posted by: Gerard Van Der Leun at June 23, 2005 9:17 AM

Quisling ... sedition ... yeah, traitor.

Posted by: mdmhvonpa at June 23, 2005 11:49 AM

"...[W]hat an insufferable, pompous blowhard I'd be if you gave me a television show."

Are you sure you didn't mean to say 'blog' instead of 'television show'? ;)

Thanks for saying what has bugged me about O'Reilly.

I know it shouldn't surprise me, but I still am taken aback when the Left breathes pure hate against America, all she stands for, all the men and women that sweat blood and tears trying to keep this grand experiment up and running, and President Bush and can call that 'dissent' with a sneer. And then expect the rest of us to nod our heads in complaisant agreement.

US Army? Nazis. Dirk Durben and his ilk on the left? Loyal political dissenters.

Posted by: Rusticus at June 23, 2005 1:21 PM

Well, with a blog you don't have to listen to me.

Although I am working on podcasting.

Posted by: Gerard Van Der Leun at June 23, 2005 1:28 PM

I watch O'Reilly almost every week night. He goes in cycles. He is in his super-ego mood right night Time for me, and probably others who watch his show, to send him an email to tell him he is getting too self-absorbed and overbearing again.

Posted by: Opine6 at June 23, 2005 1:57 PM

No, you could not or ever approach the stupidity of O'R!!!

Thanks for expressing my thoughts correctly!

O'R lost me in his rant about the Swift Boat Vets. He just doesn't understand. So forgive him for his stupidity and ignorance.

But I just can't do it -- so I don't watch or listen to his drivel anymore. Neither should any thinking person!


Posted by: ChiefTestPilot at June 23, 2005 2:13 PM

I love it when you are in a playful mood.

Do keep us updated on the podcast thing.

O'Reilly? He's a grating sort granted ...

... BUT I'd ride shotgun in that van to Gitmo
before I'd watch Franken.

Franken is like Grodin in a clown suit

Posted by: Steel Turman at June 23, 2005 5:51 PM

" (Yes, I know about the ocean. The frantic thumping from the back would be the fun part of the trip.)"

I'm glad the tall cool limeade was far, far away on the corner of the table.

I can't take O'Reilley. Never could.

Posted by: TmjUtah at June 23, 2005 7:44 PM

After your trip, could I have the van?

Posted by: Dennis at June 25, 2005 10:41 PM