March 1, 2005

Newspaper Hierarchy

1. The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.

2. The Washington Post is read by people who think they run the country.

3. The New York Times is read by people who think they should run the country, and who are very good at crosswords.

4. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don't really understand the Washington Post. They do, however, like their statistics shown in pie charts.

5. The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn't mind running the country, if they could spare the time, and if they didn't have to leave L.A. to do it.

6. The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country and did a far superior job of it, thank you very much.

7. The New York Daily News is read by people who aren't too sure who's running the country, and don't really care as long as they can get a seat on the train.

8. The New York Post is read by people who don't care who's running the country, as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated.

9. The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren't sure there is a country .... or that anyone is running it; but whoever it is, they oppose all that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the leaders are handicapped minority feminist atheist dwarfs, who also happen to be illegal aliens from ANY country or galaxy as long as they are Democrats.

10. The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country but need the baseball scores.

11. The National Enquirer is read by people trapped in line at the grocery store.

12. The Santa Fe New Mexican is read by people who are thinking of leaving the country or better yet want the other 51% of the people "out there" to leave, "so we can get back to the normal, right way of running the country."


Posted by Vanderleun at March 1, 2005 10:51 AM
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"It is impossible to speak in such a way that you cannot be misunderstood." -- Karl Popper N.B.: Comments are moderated and may not appear immediately. Comments that exceed the obscenity or stupidity limits will be either edited or expunged.

And web digests are read by?

People who run in circles?

Posted by: Hank Roberts at March 1, 2005 1:00 PM

Web digests are read by people who don't want their news to end up at the bottom of a birdcage for their fowl/foul poopery... And, by people who would rather link to find both sides than besmirch their digits with ink to find only one side.

Posted by: Amy at March 1, 2005 6:38 PM

Amy, I found out a long time ago that I am
allergic to printer's ink. Now, if I DO pick up
a page of print, I wear cheap white gloves. An
added bonus to this ... is that I can use the
same gloves to change the bird cage. When the
gloves get full of shit, I use them to work on
the car. Which reminds me ... newsprint is a very
good oil sop in the garage.

Posted by: Steel Turman at March 1, 2005 6:47 PM

Surely a hat tip to the fine comedic talents of Anthony Jay and Jonathon Lynn would be in order here?

Newspapers — who reads them:
The Times is read by the people who run the country.
The Daily Mirror is read by the people who think they run the country.

Posted by: Nicholas at March 2, 2005 2:11 PM

Steel, What a cool name. Anyway, I have to ask as the image entered my mind immediately - do you look like an effete snob reading the occasional dead tree publication? :) But really, I was wondering... have you tried waxing your car with the poopery? You could patent your used white gloves: Steel's Shit Shine Mitts - Never again will you care if a bird poops on your car!! Rub it in with my Magic Manure Mitts and carry on! By the way, newsprint is the *only* thing to use to clean windows.- A note from Amy Heloise.......

Posted by: Amy at March 2, 2005 3:07 PM