April 9, 2011

The World's Youngest Blogger Needs a Name


Hear the pleas of young Smitty, Jr.:

I'm not due for launch until July-ish, but already the dark clouds of crisis hang in my future, the way bricks don’t. I need a name that doesn’t suck. My father has suggested “Tiberius Claudius Drusus Nero Germanicus Smith,” which caused momma’s stomach to do a back flip. You don’t want to be next to a stomach that's doing a backflip, let me tell you. Especially when you’re depending on it for food during the last trimester.

Hear my plea, oh readers! I need a name that is unmistakably masculine, and will roll off the German tongues of the grandparents easily. Nothing like “FaSoLaTeShawn.” Also out: “Angus,” because jokers at school will cross out the “g.” Biblical is fine, but “Hezekiah” will also be a tough sell.

And a little note to all those blighted souls who think pregnancy is a license to kill: repent.

Some fool may have discovered a sophistry by which snuffing the unborn could be deemed "ethical." This does not mean you’re pleasing anyone but the Adversary when you frivolously crush a blessing from the Almighty. Repent, and may the Almighty have mercy on you.

Will blog more when my fingers are better formed.

Posted by Little Miss Attila at April 9, 2011 12:27 PM | TrackBack
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"It is impossible to speak in such a way that you cannot be misunderstood." -- Karl Popper N.B.: Comments are moderated and may not appear immediately. Comments that exceed the obscenity or stupidity limits will be either edited or expunged.

I like Joel Amos. Two consecutive Old Testament books that sounds like a reasonable first and last name.

Posted by: Cobb at April 9, 2011 1:06 PM

Joshua Judges Ruth, eh?

Posted by: smitty at April 9, 2011 1:21 PM

I'd definitely go Biblical: Ahab Nebuchadnezzar Jesus Smith.

Posted by: Jewel at April 9, 2011 1:50 PM

Can't name him Theophilus. "That's Theophilus name I've ever heard!"

A German Oma?! Lucky kid!

I'm thinking. . . Benedict.

Posted by: Joan of Argghh! at April 9, 2011 3:34 PM

... behold, there appeared a chariot of fire, and horses of fire, which parted them both assunder; and Elijah went up by a whirlwind into heaven.

Elijah honored God, and God honored Elijah. It is a blessed name.

Posted by: Deborah at April 9, 2011 3:46 PM

My first boy is due this week and his name is still not settled, the name can mean so much...and nothing.

Posted by: thud at April 9, 2011 3:51 PM

If I had had a son...Kurt!

Posted by: Barnabus at April 9, 2011 4:10 PM

Caleb. It's Biblical...and the idea that "my servant Caleb is of a different spirit" ...in that he stands against the majority to do what is RIGHT is a powerful story behind a name.

And no one ever will look at him upon hearing his name and wonder during that "awkward stage" if he's a boy or girl or wonder what type of person they are looking for when they call it out. Also, you can yell it really loud...which sometimes helps :)

I named my son Caleb Elijah (with a hat tip to Deborah above who also sees the meaning behind the name).

Posted by: Brian in BC at April 9, 2011 5:16 PM

Testiclese the Magnificent

Posted by: at April 9, 2011 9:19 PM

The folks in my family tree were really big on Biblical or Biblical-sounding names a few generations back:

Amos (I got tagged with that one as my first name, which I've never been called by)

Lots of choices. Some of them a bit odd: Heber??


Posted by: Hale Adams at April 10, 2011 1:08 AM

"Amos" strikes me as having the same physiological disadvantage as "Angus".

Posted by: Daniel K Day at April 10, 2011 5:26 AM


Posted by: St. Thor at April 10, 2011 6:26 AM

How about "Barry Dunham," since no one else wants it, and it was only lightly used by the original owner.

Posted by: Gagdad Bob at April 10, 2011 8:29 AM

"Daniel" is a fine name for a fine lad.

Posted by: Patvann at April 10, 2011 8:22 PM

Before "ET" appeared on the screen,
we named our son Elliott. Also way before
Elliott Stabler on Law & Order SUV.
His middle name is "Meyer"
(my maiden name that was dying
out because my dad had girls).

It rolled off the tongue in just the
right cadence when I was really torqued
at him . . . "Elliott Meyer!!!"

Talk about shuddering---can you imagine
nursing homes in 60 years or so? Huge
crop of Jasons, Chads, Jeremys, etal.
Worse still, girl names like Bambi &

In my neck of the woods old-fashioned names are back.
One church family's three kids are Elizabeth, Violet and Jasper.
However, same family has a son who chose the obscure monikers of Lilliana, Adalis, Macaiah, Zedidiah, and Adalai for his brood.

Obituaries in my area are starting to reflect the 1940's trend away from traditional names.
I'm starting to see names such as Patricia, Linda, Carol, Marjorie, Eileen and Deb.
Still a few oldies dying with names like Bertha, Hilda, Edna, Hertha, Viola, Pauline.

Posted by: NeeNee at April 11, 2011 7:01 AM

Strong, masculine germanic name -- Thor!

Posted by: CBDenver at April 11, 2011 3:59 PM

Boudreaux. (If you are not Cajun, pronounced
boo drow

Posted by: Cilla Mitchell, Galveston Texas at April 13, 2011 4:40 PM

Kudos! What a neat way of thinnkig about it.

Posted by: Shorty at April 27, 2011 4:01 PM
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