July 29, 2003

An American Not In Paris

Top Ten Reasons Not to Go to France This Summer
And, no, its not the money. We have money.

10. By the time you get there it will be August which means that even the French will have left France. What do they know that you don't?
9. Islamic Terrorists pissed because French Government still dragging feet on conversion of State Religion from Catholicism to Islam. Eager to kill Americans to bring Chirac to heel.
8. No more fine art on funny French money. All boring Euros from Belgium.
7. Nouveau Beaujolais is getting old.
6. Lance Armstrong has been and gone, and the French national sport of le traffic jam leaves you uninspired.
5. The French Riviera is toast... as are four inhabitants to date.
4. Email is required by law to be called "courriel," and when you hear "You've got courriel! you want to check yourself for a body rash.
3. Jacques Chirac remains as Le Grande Fromage; too soft, too runny and too stinky for your Cheese Whiz tastes.
2. You're Jewish and American and don't care to see two sets of cemeteries and monuments defiled, thank you.
1. Dominique de Villepin's 800 page doorstop, " In Praise of Those Who Stole the Fire," will be on sale everywhere: "From the bottom of my pockets, stuck to the back of my smock, hidden in the corner of abacuses, poetry gushed out..."

Take my advice: Stay home and stay out of the gush.

Posted by Vanderleun at July 29, 2003 4:09 PM
Bookmark and Share



"It is impossible to speak in such a way that you cannot be misunderstood." -- Karl Popper N.B.: Comments are moderated and may not appear immediately. Comments that exceed the obscenity or stupidity limits will be either edited or expunged.

Just got back from Paris myself. Lots of Russian tourists this time, and the only Americans I saw were church groups. Usually, half the conversation you hear on the streets is English. Not this summer.

Anyway... 10.(What do they know that you don't?) I know most of them get a 2 hr lunchbreak and what, 6-8 weeks of vacation a year? So yeah, they've left for vacation, while we sit at home and check the classifieds for help wanted.

Posted by: George W. Hussein at July 30, 2003 8:20 PM