January 20, 2010

The Vast Wasteland of Little Green Footballs

"I Got Plenty O' Nothing" | Johnson, Charles | Anti-American | 2009

As the devolution of the once important and now only self-important LGF Blog continues I note, more in glee than in saddness, that Charles Johnson's main page is becoming as vacant of content as a Charles Johnson photograph.

Simply put LGF is out of gas (though still gassing on) and it is gratifying. The only time you're thrilled to see an old clunker run out of gas is when that clunker is a Charles Foster Johnson.

Here's the current wheezing and tired line up on LGF's home page. Ponder, if you will, the sheer entertainment value of this page for those among us who yearn to be filled with inertia. It's amazing how Johnson can ask for so many donations and give so little in return. Even more amazing would be if anyone were donating more to him than twenty-five cents and two Wheaties box tops.

The "Lineup:"

  1. Johnson as failure Hates Glenn Beck's success item
  2. Cut chunk of text and paste it in item
  3. Open thread made by the patented Johnson method: "Cut "upmarket" quote and paste it in"
  4. Obligatory "Yes Scott Brown won but he's a killer..." one sentence item
  5. Cut and Paste tea party item with favorite photo item and state it's a bad thing.
  6. Terse open thread announcement mercifully typed on iphone
  7. Cut and paste item on Sarah Palin
  8. Open thread with a reference to being out in the big world but soon to be "safely ensconced in Lizard HQ." A Lizard Nation tenses up.
  9. Pained item about Coakley Brown election. Depressed, snivelling, and snappish.
  10. Yet Another Open Thread. Travelling and just can't be bothered.
  11. Video posting on Global Warming #12,834 but who's counting.
  12. Yet another open thread
  13. 100 words on Tim Blair and Danny Glover. Blowjob for Glover. Slam on Blair who has been puncturing Johnson at will for over a year now.
  14. Yet Another Open Thread
  15. One sentence intro into a link to a New York Times article about the latest bomber.
  16. Yet Another Open Thread (evening)
  17. Yet Another Open Thread (afternoon)
  18. Yet Another Open Thread (Midday)
  19. One sentence intro into an item on Iran
  20. Yet Another Open Thread
  21. Onion video embed item
  22. One run-on sentence leading to a link
  23. One link for "Read of the Day" (Killer category title that)
  24. "Outrageous Outrage of the Day" Item (That title took a while I'll tell you) [Warning: Johnson actually tries to write something here so your tendencies towards narcolepsy may be overwhelming.]
  25. Limbaugh slam to balance Beck Slam
  26. A Johnson photograph with even less content than the zero content that made him famous
  27. Geezer music Youtube embed
  28. Yet Another Open Thread
  29. Republican slamming Youtube embed
  30. Link to Michael Totten doing a real writer and journalist's job.

And that's all folks. That's all you get and you're glad to have it. I've long been considering an essay entitled, "The Rainbow Colored Prose of Charles Foster Johnson" as a bookend to my previous effort but he's giving me (mercifully) damn little to work with.

Still it's little wonder that Johnson's page is failing from a brief glance down that menu of Stone Soup Specials at the Famous Famines Restaurant. You get out of things what you put into things and at this rate Johnson's going to have to rename his page "Little Green Less Than Zero" before the year is out.

Perhaps Johnson would be better served if he heeded Lady MacBeth when she commanded:

I pray you, speak not; he grows worse and worse;
Question enrages him. At once, good night:
Stand not upon the order of your going,
But go at once.

Posted by Vanderleun at January 20, 2010 11:10 AM
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"It is impossible to speak in such a way that you cannot be misunderstood." -- Karl Popper N.B.: Comments are moderated and may not appear immediately. Comments that exceed the obscenity or stupidity limits will be either edited or expunged.

Saw this in one of my old Ogden Nash books and for some reason thought of Johnson:

No Bonds Today

Every time you buy a bond
Adolf has a stroke.
Why annoy Adolf?
Can't you take a joke?

Every time you buy a bond
Hirohito's harried.
Wouldn't you feel guilty
If he hara-karied?

Every time you buy a bond
There's Benitos pout.
Is anybody cad enough
to tease a stylish stout?

Every time you buy a bond
The Axites see red.
Don't irritate the Axites,
Buy a drink instead.

(p. 35, "Good Intentions")

Posted by: Cameron Wood at January 20, 2010 11:58 AM

Not forgetting his tiny stock of repetitive verbal ticks, including "bad craziness," "good grief," and "vicious personal attack."

Posted by: Gagdad Bob at January 20, 2010 12:03 PM

Gagster: Don't forget "Heh".

Posted by: Aquila at January 20, 2010 1:25 PM

Good grief, Bob- that was a vicious personal attack. There's a bad craziness going on here.


Posted by: jwm at January 20, 2010 7:14 PM

Chucky is Keith Olberdouche with a ponytail.

Posted by: The Osprey at January 20, 2010 10:17 PM

The Osprey,

Chucky's ponytail is in constant interface with Olby. And no more will I say, out of mercy to the reader.

Posted by: Richard Lund at January 21, 2010 7:21 AM

Well, at least the horse pulled out.

Posted by: vanderleun at January 21, 2010 8:17 AM

Surely, Chuckles also has a post or two discussing the well-documented fact that all "teabaggers" are really racists who only oppose Obama because he's black.

Posted by: Bru at January 21, 2010 10:14 AM