October 6, 2012

The Silence of the Legtingles


Maddow: You started anchoring at what time?
Matthews: Early, just before the first debate started. I had to sit down with a napkin from dinner in my lap. I knew I would see Obama soon and I was to aroused to stand up.
Maddow: You listened. Then something shook you, didn't it? Was it a nightmare? What was it?
Matthews: I heard a strange garble.
Maddow: What was it?
Matthews: It was... stuttering. Some kind of stuttering, like a moron's babble... but it wasn't Republican. It was like somebody blowing through a Flexstraw into a drool cup.
Maddow: What did you do?
Matthews: I went limp, flaccid, tingleless. I crept up into debate chamber. I was so scared to look inside, but I had to.
Maddow: And what did you see, Chris? What did you see?
Matthews: Obama. Obama was blathering.
Maddow: He was blathering at the podium?
Matthews: And voters were vomiting.
Maddow: And you ran away with him. You eloped with him at last?
Matthews: First I tried to free him. I... I opened the gate to his podium, but he wouldn't run. He just stood there, confused, a stuttering clusterfuck. He wouldn't run.
Maddow: But you could and you did, didn't you?
Matthews: Yes. I took Him. Held Him very very close to me, and I ran away as fast as I could.
Maddow: Where were you going, Chris?
Matthews: I don't know. I didn't have any food, any water and it was very cold, very cold. I thought, I thought if I could save just Him, but... He was so heavy. So heavy. I didn't get more than a few miles when the Network's car picked me up. The Network was so angry it sent me to live at Al Gore's station. I never saw MSNBC again.
Maddow: What became of your lamby-pie partner, Clarice?
Matthews: They killed him.

Illo and inspiration from Morgan

Posted by gerardvanderleun at October 6, 2012 10:08 AM
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"It is impossible to speak in such a way that you cannot be misunderstood." -- Karl Popper N.B.: Comments are moderated and may not appear immediately. Comments that exceed the obscenity or stupidity limits will be either edited or expunged.

The lamentations of their women, girly-man and manly-girl, evoke deeply satisfying schadenfreude. All ur tingles iz mine!

Posted by: twolaneflash at October 6, 2012 10:46 AM

Maddow's smug snarkiness is nauseous, but harmless because it is so obvious. Matthews is certifiable. He could end up hurting himself or someone else.

Posted by: BillH at October 6, 2012 12:26 PM

Oh Great! I have to return My Little Chrissie Doll with Tingle-Power to the MsNBC Store now.

Posted by: Jewel at October 6, 2012 1:44 PM

The look on our favorite Bird's face looks to me like:
"Shit. The Warm Tingles from last nights party was in-reality, the piss from a drunk I gave a BJ to, and I now remember all the gory details."

Posted by: Patvann at October 6, 2012 6:12 PM

I have been thinking that Chrissie looks like a lonely drunk at a bar, I did a search for "Chris Mathews drunk" and I am not the only one who thinks this way.

As far as R.M. goes, I liked the Karate Kid movies, and loved "My Cousin Vinney" but this opinion show is too snarky head shaking for me.

Posted by: Mike at October 6, 2012 6:17 PM

RM needs her hair pulled and a hard cock shoved inside her repeatedly. Someone needs to fuck her silly. Volunteers? Ball gag optional.

Posted by: Casca at October 8, 2012 11:13 PM

No. Condom. Thick. Enough.

Posted by: vanderleun at October 9, 2012 9:36 AM