May 6, 2005

Vampire Sucks Anne Rice's Brain Dry

YES, FEARLESS VAMPIRE MULTIMILLIONAIRE AUTHOR Anne Rice seems to have had her brains Hoovered right out of her shrinking skull. Or perhaps she's been caught by the intellectual black hole of the New York Times Op-Ed and pulled over the event horizon and out of the universe all together.

After a banal 3rd grade history of New Orleans and a list of reasons to save New Orleans it in Do You Know What It Means to Lose New Orleans? Rice reveals that she has absolutely no grasp or knowledge of the immense private and public relief efforts going forward second by second:

"During this crisis you failed us. You looked down on us; you dismissed our victims; you dismissed us. You want our Jazz Fest, you want our Mardi Gras, you want our cooking and our music. Then when you saw us in real trouble, when you saw a tiny minority preying on the weak among us, you called us 'Sin City,' and turned your backs."**

Whoa, whip out the crying towel and get down with your bad self, Annie! If the citizens of the United States want anything from New Orleans right now it would be 1) safety and recovery for all the people in the region, 2) the repair of the petroleum industry in that region, and 3) that the port complex be brought back online as soon as possible. We can put our need for gumbo and jazz on hold until then.

While it is true that in recent years, readers in increasing numbers have been turning their backs on Ms. Rice's potboilers, the same cannot be said of the United States and New Orleans. A cruel man might point out that this is sort of blather is nothing less than the honking of the full bull-goose looney. But I am not a cruel man and prefer to believe that Ms. Rice has simply been fed upon by Maureen Dowd and Frank Rich and turned into another Bride of Dracula. Let's grab a few wooden stakes and go save her. That first book was a doozy!

** In spring 2005 Anne Rice moved to [La Jolla], California. If you want to catch up, here's a map showing Rice's new digs near Prospect Street in the smarmy realms in which she currently exists.
Scarier still, the official AnneRice.Com: Messages From Anne reveals this promise: "A Citizen's Comments on the State of the World, 2005: Coming soon, new messages from Anne."
UPDATE: Jim Geraghty @ National Review drives the stake home: "I’ve heard a great deal of complaint in recent days that the federal government may not have allocated enough money to speed up the upgrades to those levees. This does, however, raise the question of why city and state residents were waiting around for the federal government to send enough money to upgrade this, instead of paying for it themselves. I mean, it was only your homes, businesses, and lives at stake. Perhaps these upgrades would have been expensive. If only this city had some sort of events to attract tourists, from which to collect taxes.

Anyway, your state and local officials decided to spend your tax dollars on something else that they (and presumably you) found more important, and then they waited for the rest of the country to pay for these life-preserving necessities."
UPDATE: Best headline yet on this sorry episode -- AMERICA TO ANN RICE: "BITE ME"

Posted by Vanderleun at May 6, 2005 6:11 PM
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"It is impossible to speak in such a way that you cannot be misunderstood." -- Karl Popper N.B.: Comments are moderated and may not appear immediately. Comments that exceed the obscenity or stupidity limits will be either edited or expunged.

That piece by Rice ought to be in the dictionary under "hysterical female". Yeeesh.

Posted by: Eric Blair at September 6, 2005 11:23 AM

Shorter Ann Rice: "Now I can't swan around New Orleans like a celebrity!" In any other town she's just another hack who writes phone books.

Posted by: Andrea Harris at September 6, 2005 12:08 PM

I think she wants to be turned over her Mistress's knee and spanked. (Sorry, that was one of her pseudonyms . . . )

Posted by: Yehudit at September 6, 2005 3:05 PM

Great comment Eric . . . I'm inclined to think that it's more like this: Wikipedia Entry for Anne Rice -- She was born and has spent most of her life in New Orleans, Louisiana, the city that forms the background against which most of her stories take place. Her fiction is often described as lush and descriptive, and her characters' sexuality is fluid, often displaying homoerotic feelings towards each other. The events surrounding the Katrina hurricane have tragically caused her brains to empty painlessly into the toxic swamp that has become her beloved city (see Hysterical Female Syndrome; Sado-Masochism; Obsession with Vampires & Witches; Sleeping Beauty [not the Walt Disney version]; and "Everything I Know About the Childhood of Jesus). Currently living large in La Jolla, California.

Posted by: Dennis Robbins at September 6, 2005 4:01 PM

Weird. It's like she never heard of Texas.

Or Mississippi, for that matter.

Posted by: Steve in Houston at September 6, 2005 4:29 PM

Anne Rice has made her living from writing trashy erotica and veiled homosexual propaganda such as "The Vampire Chronicles". Her comments about New Orleans show her complete (and typical) Liberal hypocrisy which was proven when she deserted her "beloved" New Orleans for California.
The good people of New Orleans stuck it out. Most of them the poor. Anne Rice the millionaire ran away and has done nothing to help. She shoots her mouth off while others are doing the hard work.
Her books aren't selling very well and her HORRIBLE Broadway venture "Lestat" has closed after just 39 performances losing millions for the producers as well as for Rice. She sounds like a bitter, ill informed old wretch who's now lost her audience just as she lost her sense of morality long ago. Go smoke some more marijauna Anne and hide in your new California home.
You are old news no one wants to read or hear from anymore.

Posted by: Susan LeVanue at June 4, 2006 10:49 AM

I live in Mississippi and vist New Orleans often (still) and all of you bashing Anne Rice is your personal opinon! She is a wonderful person and loves her home city very much I think you need to research more and write less God Bless New Orleans and Anne Rice

Posted by: Billie Millican at September 25, 2007 12:41 AM

This is ridiculous. Who does this person think they are. Anne Rice is an amazing writer who has greatly helped New Orleans with her writings. You apparently have not read her work. You also should not try and turn your own opinion into fact.

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