April 28, 2006

GRINGO DE MAYO!: A Counter-Celebration for May 1

A holiday for the rest of us....

IS IT TOO LATE to suggest that we few, we happy few, we band of gringos (Gringo regardless of race, color, creed, gender or national origin, of course.) counter-celebrate next Monday as "Don't Pay Your Illegal Day" and follow it up on Tuesday with "Fire Your Illegal Day," followed on Wednesday with "Burritos Are Really A Revolting Food Day?"

Who says there's no good news coming out of this nationwide celebration of misdemeanors and felonies in the millions? This LA Times item Monday Protests Could Hit Local Economy Hard - Los Angeles Times gives hope: "Fernando Lopez plans to close his three local Los Angeles-area Oaxacan restaurants for the day Monday after his approximately 50 employees agreed to observe a planned immigrant rights boycott then."

By my count that's three less places that will be serving up the " hand-wrapped garbage disposal delight" known as the "Burrito" (so named because it contains scraps of otherwise inedible food that was, in the past, fed only to Burros.) Touted by the poor and the brain-dead alike as a "tasty snack," the Burrito violates the primary rule of dining, "Never eat anything bigger than your head," while recycling stuff usually found in the dumpsters of good restaurants through the innards of a human host who should know better and, shortly, will.

This last item is probably why the Burrito remains popular with liberal medheads hooked on keeping human ethnic pets on their political plantations. After all, if you can only afford to eat or to feed people once a day, the Burrito is your huckleberry. And if you can also reduce food scraps that would otherwise go straight to the landfill into human waste, you also have a food object that "walks lightly on the planet."

So it seems to me that the fall-off in Burrito production across the nation coupled with immense savings to be had in not handing out below-minimum wages to millions of dazed illegals is a two-fer-one win all around.

If that can be followed on Tuesday by a "Fire Your Illegal Festival" across the nation it seems to me we might be on the way to remembering the great truth that has been forgotten over the past few decades: "Actions have consequences." As many in the "professions" know, "Downsizing Happens."

Will mass sackings bring the country to its knees? I don't know but it strikes me that the sudden lack of Mexican restaurants will be a boon to Asian restaurants since you seldom see the people who run and work in those slacking off when there's money to be made. In addition, it seems to me that allowing all our grass to grow a bit longer should go a long way to upping the content of oxygen in the atmosphere. You want your grass cut? Stop guilt-tripped parents handing out $100 a week to their teenager. He'll be knocking on your door with a mower and a pair of shears the moment Doom IX is released.

The only real "problem" with illegal immigration in this country is that it so far has lacked the will to apply the solutions.

"Can't " build a wall? Here's brick the first. Stack and repeat until you get to brick the last. You don't think we can stack bricks in this country? Take a walk in midtown Manhattan and start counting. This argument is rooted in the post-9/11 argument, "You know you can't kill ALL the terrorists." Really? I guarantee you that we can make more bullets than there are terrorists. In the same wise, we can make more bricks than there is border.

"Can't" deport all the illegals? Really? Okay, let's start by deporting every single one that's currently resident in jails and prisons. After all, you can't say we don't know who they are and where they are. That would be a good start and we can move on from there since it would give us practice in how to load buses and drive, oh, south. This "can't" is a variation on the argument, "But you can't kill all the lawyers." True enough, but a couple of hundred killed at random every year or so would tend to make the survivors more thoughtful.

"Can't" get Americans to do the jobs the illegals do? Not if there are a lot of illegals scampering about doing a $20-an-hour job for $5.99 an hour. Take the wage down to a dollar a day in the manner of real third world countries and you'll have jobs that illegals won't do.

So, let's start by a day of not paying illegals and go on from there. In a way, Monday will be a gift. Despite the predictable raft of stories about lawns not mowed and burritos not wrapped, my bet is that we'll all wake up on Tuesday to find things did not, after all the dire predictions, fall apart when millions failed to show up for work. With any luck, the only things that will have fallen apart on Tuesday will be millions of jobs held by illegals. This, of course, will have the downside in southern California as thousands of roadside shape-ups swell until they choke the freeways, but traffic is a small price to pay for freedom under law.

Monday and Tuesday's glorying in the things that make America great (No pay for no work. Actions have consequences. ) would be made even sweeter on Wednesday's "Burritos Are Really A Revolting Food Day." The win here is, at the least, a blow stuck against the "Globally Warming Obesity Epidemic." Fewer burritos means fewer of our fellow American co-inhabitants teetering down the sidewalks threatening to topple over into otherwise innocent by-walkers, crushing them into damp red spots and gobbets of insta-carne asada on our sidewalks (which very well might end up in the evening's Burritos, thus completing the cycle).

Of course, fewer burritos means that the companies that make those proliferating obesity scooters might take a hit in sales, but never a rose without a thorn, right? Right.

Posted by Vanderleun at April 28, 2006 10:39 AM
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"It is impossible to speak in such a way that you cannot be misunderstood." -- Karl Popper N.B.: Comments are moderated and may not appear immediately. Comments that exceed the obscenity or stupidity limits will be either edited or expunged.

Please limit use of the word "teetering"" to once per week.
Thank You

Posted by: flannelputz at April 28, 2006 11:54 AM

Illegals don't take jobs Americans refuse to do. Rather, they prevent wages from rising to the natural level that would make those jobs attractive. As a result, food is much cheaper than it's supposed to be, so people eat too much of it and become unhealthy, which puts a strain on the healthcare system.

This especially affects the Hispanic community, which has a serious problem with obesity and type II diabetes. Therefore, to save the Hispanics, we must charge them more for food. And the only way to charge more for food is to prevent them from flooding over the border and depressing wages.

Save a Hispanic life! Deport an illegal!

Posted by: Gagdad Bob at April 28, 2006 12:12 PM

Right on, man! You tell it like it is! I love your article.


Posted by: Black Rabbit at April 28, 2006 12:38 PM

Jeez. 90% of what's said on this blog is worth of a tshirt...if you could somehow make the font small enough to fit it on a tshirt.

Good post, as usual. You've made me think. Tonight when I get 3/4th's schnickered on effen+ sprite, instead of going to Chicago's little village neighborhood to get myself a burrito, I'm going to go to white castle instead.

Posted by: dan l at April 28, 2006 1:14 PM

It was suggested by a caller on the Michael Medved show that unemployed Americans go to some of the employers that will be short on staff due to Monday's Teach-American-A-Lesson Day and apply for the protesters' jobs.

As for burritos, we make them at our house based on an ancient Mexican recipe, modified by a Polish grandmother, and remodified to conform with Jewish dietary laws. They rock. But we only put the best stuff in them.

Posted by: sonofsheldon at April 28, 2006 1:59 PM

As John (fought in Vietnam) Kerry boldly stated to congress, "we can't defeat communism everywhere". Roll over, stupid Americans, lie down and sleep. Stand for nothing. Only then will your hearts be pure. Free yourselves of criticism, understand the nuance. Forget the "can do" spirit of a past age or you'll be known as arrogant. Know the freedom of can't!

Posted by: Dennis at April 28, 2006 2:25 PM

With this
High Gas Prices Will Weigh on Americans Off the Road, Too

and immigration Bush is having abusy week

Posted by: mello at April 28, 2006 2:38 PM

I like burritos... but I make them myself. It's easy and they're tasty.

Support American-Made Burritos!

Posted by: B. Durbin at April 28, 2006 3:22 PM

Re the "T" shirt.
Du bist ein kluger mensch, bestimmt!

Posted by: John Hinds at April 28, 2006 6:35 PM

I say we allow Mexican citizens to enter this country on sociological asylum. Insofar as Mexican society and culture is broken, it fits. When half of Mexico's population is living here (legally and paying taxes I might add) it'll be easy to annex the country. By the 22nd century the USA will extend all the way down to Patagonia. We could then look to the acquisition of Africa.

Posted by: Alan Kellogg at April 28, 2006 6:56 PM

Since it is on 'May Day', I think it should be called: 'Pinko de Mayo'.

It's not even pro-mojado. It's anti-capitalist.

Posted by: Evan Larsen at April 28, 2006 7:05 PM

Does this mean we have to start calling burritos "Freedom Wraps" now?

Posted by: Mumblix Grumph at April 29, 2006 1:00 AM

Next Friday, which I understand some people celebrate as "Cinco de Mayo" (I NEITHER SPEAK OR SPELL SPANISH) I plan to fly and display the American Flag. I'm an American and I can fly my flag whenever I want!

Posted by: FastNed at April 29, 2006 4:24 AM

What really chaps is that they're gonna want Friday off, too... Cinco de Mayo.

Posted by: ed in texas at April 29, 2006 4:38 AM

I agree with B. Durbin. "I like burritos... but I make them myself. It's easy and they're tasty. Support American-Made Burritos!"

My ropa vieja/bean/cheese burritos rock!
Ditto my fajitas burritos. And my chili colorado.

If I do say so myself.

One nice thing about burritos is that they can be made in big batches and frozen. Nuked for restoration. Try doing THAT with your ham sandwich.

Posted by: Richard in Port Orchard, WA at April 29, 2006 8:22 AM

YOU always crack me up Vanderleun! Ha Ha
Now I am craving salsa!

Posted by: Liquid at April 29, 2006 9:14 AM

It worked for the muslims with the "Cartoon Riots" but may backfire on the Mexicans, just not scary.

But how about this:

Jury Pool Intimidation?

Black Panthers will demo at DUKE

next week!

"promised not to bring weapons!"

Now that the Muslims have proved that our media and book stores are afraid of their threats of violence, it is no stretch that this will be used by other groups.

I wonder if some of the "hung" juries in terrorist trials are not in fact;

juror fear of retribution by muslims?

It worked for the MOB.

All cable stations are reporting on Black Panther protest - and also reporting that students are fearfull.

So Duke got a "promise"!

Imagine White Male Athletes marching thru Durham - what would the media label that?

But now that the elites have given their imprimatur to "fear of violent groups" will it spread in popularity just as has the Monica/Bill unsexual relations relations?

Posted by: LARWYN at April 29, 2006 12:52 PM

Send the illegals home. And not to nearest port of entry as is current (unenforced) practice. Deportation to furthest port of entry in Mexico (furthest south) and release with $50 will be more than sufficient to slow the rate of immediate return.

As to common food comentary in the thread: I like mine as well, with steak and potatoes in them...

Posted by: dash at May 3, 2006 10:21 AM

Immigration rally coverage from across the country

this is quite something....

Posted by: nelson at May 5, 2006 1:19 PM

“The evil that is in the world almost always comes of ignorance, and good intentions may do as much harm as malevolence if they lack understanding.” - Albert Camus

America is the land of immigrants, and if you don't belive that that's true you can ask your parents and your grandparents how they got here.

You know why people hire immigrants, No? It’s because we lazy Americans demand too much and work very little, we like the easy way out. A Hispanic immigrant can do the work of two or even three Americans with the same low pay. You want immigrants out of the U.S.A. then prepare for chaos. Educate yourself before, trying to "Educate" others with a vague opinion. Unless you’re a Native American you shouldn’t oppose immigration because you wouldn’t be here today.

Posted by: Proud American Immigrant at May 10, 2006 11:51 AM

i do not like this

Bush to Send 6,000 National Guardsmen to Southern U.S. Border

Posted by: noreen at May 18, 2006 6:04 AM


Posted by: AL at May 26, 2006 6:35 AM


U.S. Warns Germany to Do More to Stop Human Trafficking

Posted by: TALIA at June 8, 2006 7:45 AM

in an aside what do you think of this

Robert Byrd Makes History as Longest-Serving Senator

Posted by: raymondo at June 15, 2006 11:51 PM

Ehud Olmert and Mahmoud Abbas Meet Face to Face, Agree to Future Gathering

the meeting should be interesting

Posted by: lauren at June 22, 2006 5:44 AM

I cannot understand this insanity

Hezbollah Launches Deep Rocket Strike on Israel

Posted by: lefferts at August 4, 2006 1:58 PM