June 28, 2007

The Liberal Porn of Michael Moore

The problem

Let's say you have an inordinate need for cheeseburgers but, like Wimpy, find yourself constantly short of the cash needed to support your corpulence.

Let's say you are stuck in a dead-end town in a dead-end life. All you have to your name is a borrowed bunch of movie equipment and not much skill in making movies.

But what you do have is a gnawing hunger and a smidgen of insight into a list of what causes the all-American liberal knee to jerk: Corporations (Bad), Gun owners (Worse), George Bush (Pure evil), Poor People Getting Doctor Bills (Worst of all). You also know, through mere casual observation, that telling big, big lies in any of these or a host of other areas confirms the assumptions of the anointed, and that there are no consequences for lying on a large scale, only large rewards. Liberals love to be licked in their sensitive ideological areas.

Why not crank out some ham-fisted films based on these obvious propositions? After all, you've got nothing to lose and an Oscar to gain.

Get them up to your apartment with some bad corporations. Loosen their inhibitions a bit with a couple of hits off the "guns are bad" bong. Then strip them down to skivvies with flash cards of George Bush. They're ready for you now. Lower the lights.... well, actually, fade to black.... strip off any pretense to objectivity and truth (Easy to do for one so practiced as you).... and have your way with them in the dark. Millions of them.

Lose the foreplay. They're already primed. Just slam it into them. Go ahead. They like it rough. Don't use any "protection." You don't need it. Everybody's already positive.

When it's over they'll stagger out of that dark room and tell each other how good it felt. They may even come back for seconds. What's more they'll give you the money before you do them.

Count the take and then take out the list of the lies they love you made so long ago. What's next and who's next? Pick up the phone and get those cheeseburgers ordered from room service. It's a wonderful life.

Posted by Vanderleun at June 28, 2007 11:15 AM
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"It is impossible to speak in such a way that you cannot be misunderstood." -- Karl Popper N.B.: Comments are moderated and may not appear immediately. Comments that exceed the obscenity or stupidity limits will be either edited or expunged.


You didn't like the film? ;-)

Posted by: Kevin Baker at June 29, 2007 8:44 AM

Hi! Please consider posting the best Mohammad's cartoon ever. See it here http://samsonblinded.org/blog/a-cartoon-for-a-cartoon.htm

Posted by: Alex at June 29, 2007 1:12 PM

Ahh, I LIKE your style, Gerard!

Just reading this, I know where some nasty minds have been... You have a knack...

'...lick their sensitive ideas...'

More, more, Moore!

Posted by: Karridine at July 2, 2007 9:43 PM