April 21, 2009

The O-Baby! Boomlet - or - Come August There's Gonna Be Some New Obamas in Town

obama-baby2.jpgThe last few days have, at last, been sunny and warm in Seattle. As a result, I've been out walking around. Just about everyone else in this city where moss grows on your north and south side has been out too. By this time of year, Seattlites suck up any stray sunshine like jonesing junkies sucking their crack pipes.

On Sunday I went to Seattle Center for the low key Japanese Cherry Blossom festival. Blossoms, ikebana exhibits, one man in a kimono sharpening a samurai blade, calligraphy coloring books... done. Seattle Center also has a number of other attractions such as the execrable Experience Music Project that squats on the edge of the center like so much discarded rainbow colored tin-foil toilet tissue.

It also has a cheesy carny arcade, a ferris wheel, a dwarf roller coaster, and a number of other attractions designed to lure the younger set out for a romp. And when it is sunny and rompish in Seattle the younger set comes out stripped for action. Shorts, t-shirts, and the People's Republic of Seattle mandated sleeveless fleece vest. And since Seattle is, going away, the whitest second class city in the nation, you see a lot of pasty flesh pass you by -- or wobble by, as the case may be.

I saw a lot of it on Sunday and this afternoon as well. Up on the sky island of Queen Anne and down in the swampy arboretum as well. And I noticed one thing.

There seemed to be an unusual number of slightly pregnant 20-30-40 something women around. Not stunningly pregnant as in, "Ah ha! Another woman trying to smuggle a basketball into the park!," but slightly pregnant; just past noticeable and into "Now that woman is with child."

Now I grant you there are always a number of pregnant women bouncing about our cities in happy or cranky moods. I'm for it. But just from my own small sampling of three widely scattered parts of Seattle, there seem to be a lot of women around in the same stage of pregnancy -- say about five months.

Counting backwards, I arrived at a range of probable conception dates centered in the first half of November. It may well be that there was more than one second coming in the beginning of that month. If so, come August brace yourself for a global boomlet of Barry O's. Or just O's, because when you think about it, "Obama" works for boys and girls. It works across national and racial boundaries too: Obama Jefferson, Obama Chamberlain, Obama O'Hara, Obama Jesus Gonzales, Obama Hussein, Obama Le P├ętomane, Obama With Wolves, Obama Obama, Obama Wong.

Besides, what better way to get your child a preferred slot in the Brave New World of O to come than to name him after the man who might still be our Beloved Leader when you kid gets out of the State Education Center? With any luck, he or she might be able to intervene when you're scheduled for a visit to the State Euthanasia Center.

Or perhaps I am just imagining the O-Baby boomlet.

I'll tell you what. Take your own survey in your own town or city and get back to me. In another month, it will become very obvious just what's been happening behind all those slap-happy doors.

As for the legitimacy of the babies of this boomlet, I think that's going to be the new "Don't ask. Don't tell."

Posted by Vanderleun at April 21, 2009 8:57 PM
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"It is impossible to speak in such a way that you cannot be misunderstood." -- Karl Popper N.B.: Comments are moderated and may not appear immediately. Comments that exceed the obscenity or stupidity limits will be either edited or expunged.

I was driving through Ballard and Fremont on Saturday. (Gotta love that big-ass Lenin statue!)
I hadn't noticed many pregnant women...but then again, I zip through those parts of town at a pretty fast clip. SUV's without bumper stickers attract too much attention. I did see the usual number of sour faced lesbians though. Not even the joy of naming a kid Obama would be enough to make them pop one out through their withered loins.

Posted by: Mumblix Grumph at April 21, 2009 10:49 PM

Great picture of the President! I suspect he can be very good with kids.

Posted by: Roderick Reilly at April 22, 2009 9:08 AM

To paraphrase Obama on the campaign trail, "Looks like somebody's daughter made a mistake and ended up with a burden!"

Posted by: bustoff at April 22, 2009 2:07 PM

I'm shocked that these women don't understand their duty to Gaia. If they were good little Obadrones, they would have known that reproduction is just not cool, unless you are the surrogate mother for a gay boi and his trans-gendered five-times divorced papa (formerly but no longer a functional MOMMA) bear, in which case your pregnancy will be featured on Oprah and is a moral imperative for the new age.

Where is Planned Parenthood when we need them? At least in our brave new world these deluded, temporarily potential moms can still turn it around......abortion is possible and praiseworthy right to the very last.

If abortion cannot be arranged, the proper Obama voter should consider re-purposing her child immediately after birth. Madonna is always looking to adopt. At the very least, if a new mother is actually married to a male person, whether he is the father of the child or not she must divorce him posthaste and move into a vegan lesbian artisan commune, to spare her child the agony of being raised by one of the brutal oppressors of the earth.

How can these women be hotfooting it around Greenlake with smiles on their faces? They are in imminent danger of offending the environment, making a retrograde statement, causing unnecessary diaper run-off to pollute Puget Sound! Get a grip and focus on your duties, girls! Get back to work, pay your taxes and forget this crazy mommy business! Do it for the children.

Posted by: askmom at April 22, 2009 9:16 PM

I'm equally sure there probably was an O-Baby Abortion boomlet in December/ January but I don't know where to look for the numbers on that.

Posted by: vanderleun at April 22, 2009 11:44 PM

All part of the camoflage, dear sir.

Cunning, aren't I?

Posted by: ninme at April 23, 2009 7:19 AM