September 12, 2005

Piglet or Proud American?

A FOOD FIGHT OF SORTS has broken out within my family concerning the feeding habits of a distant relative. Some say his "habits" are merely those of a growing boy who forgot to stop growing upon reaching his majority. Others are shocked, SHOCKED!, with every passing meal and are suggesting an intervention.

Myself, I am unsure about the truth of the matter, but I put it to my readers to decide now that a family member has come up with "The Five Signs of Highly Hungry People."

1) The ability to move the cattle futures market on the CBOE "up limit" with one meal.

2) The ability to suck potted plants and small pieces of furniture into the vortex when feeding.

3) Decapitation of medium sized mammals on the front lawn with hand tools when "hungry".

4) Eating the undercooked flesh of a hapless member of the animal kingdom at a pig roast due to inability to wait until it was done, much to the horror of the other participants.

5) And finally, using the screen name "Cheesecake Man."

My question is not whether an intervention should be held, but whether it should be held at The Sumo-Samoan Buffet or The Cheesecake Factory?

Posted by Vanderleun at September 12, 2005 9:58 AM
Bookmark and Share



"It is impossible to speak in such a way that you cannot be misunderstood." -- Karl Popper N.B.: Comments are moderated and may not appear immediately. Comments that exceed the obscenity or stupidity limits will be either edited or expunged.

Good grief -- you're related to Michael Moore?

Posted by: Mary at September 13, 2005 6:57 AM

I would recommend ingestion viewing avoidance, but that's just me.

Posted by: Eric Blair at September 13, 2005 10:17 AM

Does he have his own ZIP code?

Does he have his own, noticable gravitational field??

Posted by: leelu at September 13, 2005 9:00 PM

You could sit him down and show him the opening skit in Monty Python's "Meaning of Life".
Probably wouldn't help, but at least you'd get to watch a Monty Python flic.

Posted by: ed in texas at September 14, 2005 5:11 AM