November 13, 2012

Oooooh ... Shiny!: One of the most wonderfully front-loaded distraction campaigns in recent memory

"In retrospect, Ambassador Chris Stevens would have gotten more attention sending snotty e-mails to random citizens." -- small dead animals

Over here we have this here general person. He’s a kind of hero type because.... well... because -- in ancient times when America led the world -- he led something called “The Surge;” which is to say he knew where to spend a billion bucks in Mesopotamia.

This here general's a good looking Gary Cooper type with the slim and rangy physique that comes from running miles and miles every day. Like Cassius he's got that lean and hungry look. And he has his hungers. He spends a lot of time away on Rome’s business in the far provinces and he needs a little stress relief from time to time. Now he might take his wife of more than three decades along but let’s face it. She has, as everyone is in a hurry to show you, let herself slide a bit across the years. Formerly cute she now looks like Barney Frank in a fright wig. Not at all the kind of thing to give the lean and mean fighting machine general the stress relief he needs at war or at his new job -- which is overseeing the failures of the finest spies a devalued dollar can buy.

Send in the babe with the big shoulders, fat lips, easily dislocatable jaw, large worshipping eyes, and the ability to run with the general across the desert sands to the little uparmored HumVee secured oasis under the Mesopotamian moon. Cue hippy girls with unrestrained breasts...

"Midnight at the oasis
Send your camel to bed
Shadows paintin' our faces
Traces of romance in our heads...."

Ahh love.... And who is hurt, really. After all, a man’s got his needs and a brawny man-girl adept at squat thrusts and push-ups has got her career ambition needs. She's doubly blessed in the "new action Army" as well as having it all back home with a high-earning worker bee and two swell kids. It’s the American Dream, really.

Paula Broadwell with her first best-selling suckupathon, "All In." No doubt she's now planning the sequel, "Balls Deep."

But dreams die hard. And, in time, of course, the always potent general has to move on from war and return to his central mission which is figuring out how to bring the bad/good news of American decline to the current residents of the Senate and Royal Palace in a way they’ll like. Like any other good and faithful servant he’s rewarded with pride, position, a first class health care plan unobtainable to citizens, and a plum job to keep his wife, more frowsy by the day, happy in her “help” for the poor “consumer.”

And then the power couple of the General and his spouse seem to be introduced into a continuing stream of hot swingers so that their odd deranged marriage can thrive by having a steady stream of sexual playmates while the General is hearing whispers that he too could be President.

Then the original Fatima from the desert jogging years comes back and decides, it would seem, that she needs to have the hot and ever potent general back form the latest miniskirted man muncher. Out go the threatening emails and in comes, out of absolutely nowhere, the Praetorian guard known as the ex-Marines of the FBI. And, in the fine tradition of absolute stumbling about tradition of the Three Stooges, the FBI “discovers” entirely by “accident” emails that the senders and receivers have somehow forgotten cannot ever be really “disappeared” from the Internet.

Meanwhile, I suppose, the weekend and on our little seminar trips out of town, the wife/mate swapping/lending orgies go on. And on. And on. And on in the tedious way that affairs work themselves out.

Meanwhile, with all the emailing and fornicating here there and everywhere, one wonders who is actually minding the store and doing the work and following up on the business of the nation at war or in Washington. Meanwhile, with all the finest technology trillions can buy, emails cannot be hidden but the real-time killing of Americans by Arabs can be watched. Meanwhile, as the President golfs and the Secretary of State wanders about the world in search of someone so blind as to actually give her a tumble, the burning goes on and the flames rise high leaping from this embassy to that third world sewer of a nation, to this failed policy, to that failed concept... moving with a grim determination towards that state where it can all be called a real firestorm.

But we don’t have to watch. We have this shiny thing. This shiny new -- look a puppy! -- distraction where we can watch these aging and marginally attractive secondary characters in DC literally go off and fuck themselves.

The country’s in the very best of hands.

Hi, my name is Jill Kelley. I don't always wear my lingerie to Pentagon sponsored brunette orgies, but when I do I like to wear the stuff that's short and makes me instantly accessible.

Posted by gerardvanderleun at November 13, 2012 9:31 AM
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"It is impossible to speak in such a way that you cannot be misunderstood." -- Karl Popper N.B.: Comments are moderated and may not appear immediately. Comments that exceed the obscenity or stupidity limits will be either edited or expunged.

And that's just the good news.

Posted by: John Kidle at November 13, 2012 9:51 AM

Sadly true. Sarcasm - not much!

Posted by: Tom at November 13, 2012 10:22 AM

Prologue to The Decline and Fall of the United States, Vol 1-3?

Posted by: BillH at November 13, 2012 10:31 AM

Too good NOT to be true -

"Oops: Denver News Station Airs Photoshopped Paula Broadwell Book Title — ‘All Up In My

Posted by: tim at November 13, 2012 11:18 AM

tim, I worked in television news. One of the first things I learned was "If it can get on air, it will get on air." We were not allowed to screw around and make up stuff like that for that reason. That was in the days of standard definition analog equipment. It just moves quicker now.

Posted by: Potsie at November 13, 2012 12:16 PM

Your cynicism and bitterness reflects my own, Gerard. I commented on this in another thread here but would add that the idea floating around in my head for years now needs saying.

If any General or Admiral had a shred of decency or honor they would in a high profile way tender their resignation in protest of the rules of engagement that our service men and women must shamefully endure. That this has not occurred proves not a single one of them from the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs, to the commanders in the field is worthy of the high traditions, honor, courage, and sacrifice of their predecessors in days gone by. They sacrifice nothing but require those in their command to give the ultimate sacrifice, sometimes without even being able to defend themselves. A recent story, just a week ago, saw a helicopter being fired at with an RPG. They were denied their request to return fire and then the enemy got in another shot taking the craft down killing all on board. This story is played out daily. We don't know why Amb. Stevens was denied support and probably never will because the GOP controlled house is too busy colluding with the Admin. and the American sheeple are too busy tut tutting about this pretty new shiny thing. For a second there I thought Petraeus was laying the groundwork for coming clean on the Benghazi affair, but that was before I knew what is now known about affairs more important to him. I guess the best option for those of us who really care is just to keep feeding them rope hoping they'll eventually hang themselves. How many oceans of pride does it take these days before the fall cometh?

Posted by: John Hinds at November 13, 2012 12:41 PM

Gerard. your rogues' gallery needs an update, to include Jill Kelley's twin sister; a senator from Rhode Island; and our favorite winter soldier reporting for duty: "And in court documents filed by Kelley's sister Natalie Khawam, she name-drops both Sen. John Kerry of Massachusetts and Sen. Sheldon Whitehouse of Rhode Island -- who both have ties to a Providence, RI, lawyer/Democratic fundraiser who loaned a whopping $300,000 to Khawam.

A spokesman for Whitehouse today that lawyer, Gerald Harrington, has dated and 'may have been engaged to Khawam.' Harrington has not returned a call seeking comment. . . . A spokeswoman for Kerry – who the Washington Post reports is being considered as President Obama's next secretary of defense -- in an email comment wrote, 'Senator Kerry’s friend Jerry Harrington introduced him to his girlfriend (Natalie) at a DSCC event.'"

Yep, the country's in the very best of hands.

Posted by: PA Cat at November 13, 2012 1:06 PM

The most insightful synopsis of this greek tragedy that I've read so far. And the captions made me laugh.

But it's no laughing matter. Soldiers and ambassadors are dying in far off lands while these meat bags are busy sniffing each other's crotches.

If George Washington alive today, they'd all be facing charges of treason.

Posted by: Boots at November 13, 2012 1:33 PM

The top pic is the cast of Jersey Shore, isn't it?

Posted by: Don Rodrigo at November 13, 2012 3:15 PM

Rush had the perfect title for this farce: "The Real Housewives of West Point."

And here's the best quote of the entire scandal - all Rush's: “I don’t want to prejudge this, folks, but it sure seems to me that we have way too many generals taking orders from their privates.”

Posted by: newton at November 13, 2012 4:39 PM

Bingo. We have, with Rush, a Weiner!

Posted by: vanderleun at November 13, 2012 4:44 PM

Newton and Gerard FTW!

Posted by: Lorne at November 13, 2012 7:15 PM

That bling in the top pic did it for me. Too gangsta wannabe for me. I say we stand him against the wall.

Posted by: edaddy at November 13, 2012 8:25 PM

OMG. Check it out ... Paula Broadwell pic has a pimple on her forehead. WTF!

Posted by: edaddy at November 13, 2012 8:33 PM

Damned well done G-man. I have the sinking sense that the bar cannot be set so low that they have not already passed underneath it.

Posted by: james wilson at November 13, 2012 8:41 PM

I'll know when this is over when I see "This has been an Irwin Allen Production" credit on the screen.

Posted by: TmjUtah at November 13, 2012 9:27 PM

Caption on photo" Hey GI me and my sister numbah 1 boom boom girls...we love you good time all night long"

Posted by: bill at November 13, 2012 10:19 PM

I just noticed the sub-title of the book, "The Education of General David Petraeus".

I imagine the good general will have enough material for an addendum that would make a book of its own after he's finished being "educated" by the Chicago machine.

Posted by: Tom at November 14, 2012 5:55 AM

And the book is crummy, too.

Posted by: Sarah Rolph at November 14, 2012 6:33 AM

Regarding Mrs. Broadwell and Mrs. Kelly: Like my grandmother in her broken English would say:
NO SO CUTE! These general fell for these women, as long as they were going to throw everything away why not pick woman who were nicer than these two. I mean WTF

Posted by: mag at November 14, 2012 8:01 AM

The Kardashians are everywhere.

Posted by: indyjonesouthere at November 14, 2012 8:47 AM

I wish I had something insightful to say about this and recent events, but I'm boggled. WTF, America?

Posted by: SteveS at November 14, 2012 5:01 PM

Since 2001, or before, I've followed this site. You have a way with words, a gift. But this article? This is too much.

A few days ago you reposted "Today it makes me feel cheap and contemptible to think of the things I did in my youth to point out all the ways in which this country fails to achieve some fantasied perfection." You must not have read your own writing. David and Holly Petraeus have spent their lives, their entire adult lives, making us a better nation than we would have been without them. Not perfect, just better; in fact a lot better.

Something changed after your heart attack. Your writing is still as talented as ever, but there's a streak of cruelty or meanness, the desire to destroy just for destructions sake. The Petraeus' deserve an apology.

Posted by: hudathunkit at November 14, 2012 8:14 PM

Hey hudathunkit, give it a rest, dude. Another martinet, a self serving media star general bites the dust. Meanwhile while he and Allen are diddling the army groupies , the grunts are getting hung out to dry in the valleys of Hell in Afcrapistan. Screw Petraeus.

Posted by: bill at November 14, 2012 10:11 PM

Am I missing something here?

The "video" (which was not a video, but really just a trailer to a video, yet to be produced), the Petraeus-Broadwell infidelity, the Other General's 20,000 pages of emails to the "socialite", the half-nekkid FBI agent and whatever else are simply distractions from the central point of this story:

In Benghazi, we now know we have an American President, knowingly or unknowingly, acting as a broker to transport weapons from one al Qaeda group (in Libya) to another (in Syria).

Isn't this just Iran-Contra all over again, and isn't that why the media and the Left (BIRM) are trying to distract us with all these other shiny objects?

Posted by: azlibertarian at November 15, 2012 12:56 PM