September 8, 2009

Kids Today

pistolpants.jpgIs that a pistol down my pants or.... BLAM!

Where to begin with this newsquib? It exceeds the mind's capacity for bogglement.

So much for packing a, um, rod

A 15-year-old Brooklyn boy shot himself in the penis Sunday after fumbling with a gun that had slid from his waistband, authorities said yesterday.

Khamir Grant was then arrested for reckless endangerment and criminal possession of a weapon ... law-enforcement sources said.

Grant told cops that he was walking home from Amersfort Park at East 39th Street and Avenue J in East Flatbush around 1:30 a.m., when the gun began to fall into his pants, sources said.

When Grant grabbed for it, he accidentally pulled the trigger, firing a bullet right through his penis.

Grant staggered home and told his mom what had happened, sources said.

They took a livery car to Kings County Hospital, where Grant was released after treatment and then arrested by police.

There's so much now normalized wrongness here that the only thing it underscores is "the banality of evil" in everyday life. But let's review anyway.

The idiot in question is only 15 years old. This is a person still (ostensibly) in high school and, if what transpires is any indication, unlikely to graduate from same.

He is out walking about on city streets at 1:30 in the morning. There's nobody around to question why he is doing that, nor is there likely to be.

He is not a complete idiot, however, because he's packing a gun. An illegal gun to be sure, since New York is not known for giving pistols and carry permits to 15 year olds, but he probably feels the need of one. He's mostly an idiot, however, because he is wearing pants so loose that a packed gun can slip down into the commodious crotch area. Safety on? Perish the thought if thought should be found.

At this point his 15-year-old brain becomes alarmed because having a loaded pistol just flopping around inside your pants is not a comfortable, relaxing situation. And because his brain is 15-years-old and, at 1:30 AM perhaps under the influence of unknown substances, that brain says, "Quick, grab the gun!"

Then there's the "idio-second" when the brain transmits the thought, "Ah... no... not by the trigger!" A thought that arrives an idio-second too late. Result, bullet through penis. Works every time you place a loaded gun against a penis and pull the trigger. Even for 15 year olds.

Young teen then "staggered home" (You think?) where mom awaits. (We note the absence of dad and pass on.)

Livery cab ride to hospital ensues because no real NY cab would be caught dead cruising in a neighborhood when 15 year olds have guns drifting around in their pants.

Free emergency room "health care" ensues, and we assume that the mom in question was smart enough to leave the kid's gun at home. Wouldn't want it falling out his pants again and shooting the surgeons.

Arrest ensues so that the idiot in question can either avoid his court date -- or be set free with a warning not to shoot himself in the penis again.

Likely outcome? The kid won't shoot his penis ever again. He'll shoot someone else or wind up shot dead himself before he's 19. It's how we live now.

HT: Kevin @ Exurban League

Posted by Vanderleun at September 8, 2009 1:13 PM
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"It is impossible to speak in such a way that you cannot be misunderstood." -- Karl Popper N.B.: Comments are moderated and may not appear immediately. Comments that exceed the obscenity or stupidity limits will be either edited or expunged.

With luck, he'll be unable to reproduce.

Posted by: qwfwq at September 8, 2009 3:20 PM

I can hear Elvis now:

Then one night in desperation
a young man breaks away
He buys a gun, grabs it quick,
slips down his pants, so he shoots his own dick
And his mama cries

Posted by: Gagdad Bob at September 8, 2009 4:42 PM

That tattoo is a good way to get yourself shot by the cops.

Posted by: Exurbankevin at September 8, 2009 4:43 PM


Posted by: rickl at September 8, 2009 5:11 PM


Posted by: rickl at September 8, 2009 5:11 PM

(Yeah, I probably would have yelled it twice.)

Posted by: rickl at September 8, 2009 5:12 PM

Well, at least there is a very strong possibility that he won't be breeding any more little gun toting (Ahem!)citizens ..(depending on calibre).

Posted by: Phil B at September 8, 2009 5:12 PM

Well, I can finish my book now!
"Thousand and one ways to prepare skid marks".

Posted by: Ricky Raccoon at September 8, 2009 5:27 PM

That's a Darwin Award winner, if I have ever seen one.

Posted by: John at September 9, 2009 4:09 AM

I hope someone will council this youngster to obtain the proper holster for use during his evening constitutionals. But seeing how Mexican carry is all the rage with our urban youth, I doubt it.

On a separate note, I find it funny this tough guy ran home to his Mommy for help.

Posted by: Chris at September 9, 2009 5:07 AM

Well, at least there is a very strong possibility that he won't be breeding any more little gun toting (Ahem!)citizens ..(depending on calibre).
Doubtful. That would have required a hit in the crotch. At most he was shortened at bit...depending on the caliber.

Posted by: kahr40 at September 9, 2009 7:35 AM

Prince're doing it wrong.

Actually, even if you do a Prince Albert right, you're doing it wrong. If God had meant for man to have another hole in his penis, He surely would have put it in Himself.

Posted by: Rich Fader at September 9, 2009 9:05 AM

Why is a 15 year old out on the streets at 1:30 in the morning?

And he ran home to mommy because daddy took a runner 14.9 years ago which answers all the other questions.

Posted by: Lucy at September 9, 2009 10:18 AM

Lucy, add to your question; what's a 15-year-old, and apparently a rather immature one at that, doing with a gun?

Posted by: Fletcher Christian at September 9, 2009 1:28 PM


I wonder if Plaxico Burress is his favorite pro football player.

Posted by: 11B40 at September 9, 2009 10:25 PM

Gagdad Bob, that's awesome! :D

Posted by: Stephen R at September 11, 2009 10:25 AM

as a certified firearms trainer, I am using this as one of many unsafe examples...

Posted by: George at September 15, 2009 4:37 PM