February 19, 2009

What a Bummer This Guy Is

bamaspeaks.jpgWhoa, dude, shut up, already! You've lost that loving feeling. You are bumming us out, harshing our mellow, killing our buzz and, in general, just bringing us down every time you open your mouth.

Here's a hint. Stay in the House. Kick back, take some deep hits on the clue bong, and chill out, dude. You're supposed to be cool, right? Right. So, hey, like be cool okay?

I don't know who's pumping the toxic text into your teleprompter, but get that guy on some pharmaceutical grade meds stat. I suggest 50 grains of Seconal IV twice daily. Anything to get that kid down from his high-grade Acid Flashback involving outtakes from Halloween IX. Too scary for the average American, don't you know?

Next thing up on your ever-expanding To-Do list is a Zen task: Practice doing nothing, zero, zip, niente, nada. For about two weeks. Stay at home and spend some quality time with your family that doesn't involve taking the wife out for dinner at a cost of around $10 million in air and limo charges after we warm up Air Force One and put the country's biggest SUV on the road.

Yup, do nothing except, well, get up in the morning and, like millions of others who still have a job, go to the job. Go to the office. Sit in the big papa bear chair behind the new sign that reads "The Buck Would Stop Here If We Had A Buck!" Close the mouth, open the mind, fo-cus and get some work done.

Enough with the skipping around the country like some Nordictracked male model hot for the next photo-op. Let the people see the President at work doing the People's business instead of on the road doing monkey business.

(And I'm not referring to that freaked out chimp who was locking lips with that weird chick the other day, or to any other simian moment or allusion that would get get Al Sharpton out of bed without strapping on his drool cup, but to "Monkey Business" as in the Marx Brother's movie of the same name.)

Except of course if you wanted to make like Harpo and just honk on a horn for a bit and then knock out a couple of soothing harp solos.

Soothing's what we'd like a little bit of right now, dude. Not more bring-downs and bummers. You are just not being the mellow dude we thought you'd be in those real sharp suits. Instead, you are harshing the mellow every time you open your mouth.

So just take a break for a bit and let the country catch its breath. Dig it. What ever you think you're doing, it. is. not. helping. It. is. bumming. us. out.

Enough with the endless billion/trillion bills and the fat fear mongering. Enough with the angry school marm lecturing. Enough with the big daddy warnings of stiffer punishment to come if we don't shape up like right now.

Face it, man, every time you talk about saving and creating jobs thousands of people get ejected out of their jobs with a JATO assist from whatever policy you seem to be whipping out at the moment. Every time you speak of the future it gets grimmer.

Lately it seems that all you have to do is glance away from the teleprompter and hesitate and, boom!, there goes another 100 point drop in the Dow. And then, when you find the next sentence and say it, whap! there's goes another 100 points. I'm not sure if the Dow can sink beneath absolute zero, but I'm not curious to find out. Maybe that sort of "experimentation" seems far out and groovy to you, but I'm not into smoking PCP myself so just put "the idea of the day" down and step away from the policy.

Enough with the FDR schtick. Get it on with your inner Calvin Coolidge. Don't declare a bank holiday. Declare a blather holiday.

Take a prime time moment on all networks, look the country in the eye and say, "Hey, I know I've been a buzz-killing, bummer, bring-down for the last month and I'm sorry. We all need to take a break and get some time off. My advisors tell me that the only thing wrong with the country is that everyone has gotten one drink or one toke behind. I don't know about you, but I'm going to catch up right now. Cheers and smoke 'em in you got 'em. If you need me, text me. I'll be chilling in my crib. See you in two weeks."

That's a change that could bring us hope.**

** Four Block World adds this note this morning:

Posted by Vanderleun at February 19, 2009 8:26 PM
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"It is impossible to speak in such a way that you cannot be misunderstood." -- Karl Popper N.B.: Comments are moderated and may not appear immediately. Comments that exceed the obscenity or stupidity limits will be either edited or expunged.

Well, we all get to learn a new sound:

What 52 million folks saying "oops" sounds like.

The media folk are going nuts; their guy is teh stoopid they painted Boooooosh to be.

Case in point is the news that a teleprompter may be built into the presidential podium. That any president would be acknowledged to be basically on a script during a presser is laughable by itself.

Bush, in the same situation, would have been viciously editorialized in columns and cartoons as a marionette, probably hanging from Dick Cheney's claw - like hands.

Barry O? Not a peep. He's cool. Hey, everybody wishes they could get a lifeline, right?

O. For ZERO.

Posted by: TmjUtah at February 19, 2009 11:03 PM

Interesting that the NYT announced today that it's suspending quarterly dividend payments to stockholders. As Thomas Lifson remarks, "Barack Obama is talking down the economy, and advertisers, especially purveyors of luxury goods who have used the Times as a showcase, are pulling back sharply. I wonder if anyone at the Times appreciates the irony that the man they supported is undermining the capitalism which created so much wealth on which the Times relies."

Bummer? I'd say the Crapehanger-in-Chief is just a bum.

Posted by: Connecticut Yankee at February 19, 2009 11:11 PM

"Monkey Business" as in the Mark Brother's movie of the same name.

Do you mean Marx brothers?

Posted by: Ray at February 20, 2009 4:17 AM

But of course. Thanks.

Posted by: vanderleun at February 20, 2009 5:26 AM

He's just a poseur. A flim flam man. The Potemkin Village Idiot. Flat Fatima.

Posted by: Jewel at February 20, 2009 6:55 AM

OK come on Gerard, I haven't had this much fun since Monica. Let the guy self destruct for a while.

Posted by: Fat Man at February 20, 2009 8:25 AM

It would be amusing if our stock markets. our strategic position in the Middle East and Central Asia, our potential to develop energy resourceswere not in jeapardy, and there's no relief in sight; so schaudenfreude only goes so far.

Posted by: narciso at February 20, 2009 9:16 AM

I'm with Fat Man. Not only is it more fun to watch Bambi flail and deliver gloomy harangues, but there is a sound reason to hope he keeps pushing fast and hard. Isn't it better to have him going full out now, while the public is focused on him? Because one scary alternative is for Bambi to develop sneaky efficieny and ease us into a worker's paradise while we are distracted by his wife's wardrobe.

No, far better to do it the way we are now. We have entertainment value AND Bambi is alienating the people who were his best Kool-Aid drinkers.


Posted by: askmom at February 20, 2009 9:18 AM

If you've not seen the Terry Moran quote that Obama is " . . . taking a step down into the oval office . ." - go here and scroll down to Terry's sweet adoring face and read the bold-face type:

Obama is too big to fail.

Posted by: Cathy at February 20, 2009 9:34 AM

"...so schaudenfreude only goes so far."

Yeah, it does, but I'm willing to see how far that "far" is. I will smile every time he steps on his crank (again) as my liberal friends wince and I say "told ya so". These friends (a couple in their mid-50s, slightly older than I) are nice, well-meaning folks who really, really fell hard for the hopey-changey thing, and now they already have serious buyer's remorse. I think this mostly has to do with the ever-shrinking value of their retirement fund. They're not having much fun right now. But I am.

Posted by: waltj at February 20, 2009 10:20 AM

Cathy, that broadcast should have been rated NC-17,and someone should have the good sense to edit it out. Walt you're right but it pains me to think we have at least another two years, before any relief is remotely in sight. I try not to look into some of the other links on this site, Scipio and V-man, because they are too distressing to think about.

Posted by: narciso at February 20, 2009 11:27 AM

Scary part of this is that Barry and the Dems may be doing exactly what they planned. They may actually believe that tanking the economy, screwing up international trade (with our friends) and letting the situation in the ME degenerate into a regional nucular (Brings back pleasant memories doesn't it?) holocaust is the right thing to do. That's what happens when the media goes in the tank for a bunch of corrupt and incompetent hacks.

Posted by: glenn at February 20, 2009 5:06 PM

It's the Morning After in America.

Posted by: Gagdad Bob at February 20, 2009 5:40 PM

And the morning after is gonna be a pi***r

Posted by: glenn at February 20, 2009 9:43 PM

One of 0bama's problems is that he had no idea - and I do mean _no idea...no clue_ how many of the people who voted for him are stockholders if only by way of their retirement accounts. Aside, of course, of the fact that he has no knowledge of economics and doesn't seem to have any advisors who do.

To borrow from a George V. Higgins book title, Wonderful years, wonderful years.

Posted by: pete at February 21, 2009 10:42 AM


Posted by: Susan at February 21, 2009 12:35 PM

FDR 1933: "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself."

BHO 2009: "Be afraid. Be very afraid."

Posted by: rickl at February 22, 2009 1:21 AM

Did remember him talking up the "record profit" that one of the oil companies made and how that should be put towards alternative energy research. My left-leaning acquaintances were so taken with that, they were positively beaming. I did point out to them that the record profit was because of the high price of oil, I think it was in the hundred-something dollar range. I told them that the profit margin was the same. That was dismissed as pure drivel coming from me, because I was a janitor (still am), and Mr. Obama is a Harvard grad.

Well, they seem to not want to talk about that now.

Posted by: Sean the Maggot at February 22, 2009 4:39 AM

What is this place? What misfits do we have here? This is the United States president we elected! Respect for him and for all of us who support him.
He can not make miracles - but he will- but the support of all of us transition us into a better country. The real problem is those people who are always there trying to put others down -find the wrong doing - underestimate the effort - mine the good path with evil sick comments. Thais not constructive. Find something better to do.

Posted by: Thomas Bhrotty at June 20, 2009 3:45 PM