December 11, 2007

New York Times Anonymous: The 12 Steps

Study of these 12 Sacred Steps is essential to progress in New York Times Anon. The principles they embody are universal, applicable to everyone caught in its web of murder, insanity, death.

In New York Times Anon (NYet Anon), we strive for an ever-deeper understanding of our addiction to NYeTimes' Blather&Spew® and devote ourselves to ending it forever in our lives through a constant devotion to FoxNews' Report&Deride® as we have come to understand it. We are always mindful that even one small sip of a Maureen Dowd column can lead to a life of despair and rapid intellectual bottoming out. Here then is our credo:

1. We admitted we were powerless over The NY Times -- that our reading lives had become unmanageable.

2. Came to believe that a FoxNews greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity, truth, justice and the American Way.

3. Made a decision to turn our New York Times subscription (and our lust to feel smarter than the guy next door who reads the Weekly World News) over to the care of FoxNews as we understood It, and to turn the cash over to in $5 increments.

4. Made a searching moral inventory of Bill Keller, Maureen Dowd, Paul Krugman, Pinch and the other Pillsbury Doughboys® bobbing in the NYet Times Op-Ed hot tub. Having done so we did not forget to shower and rinse off.

5. Admitted to FoxNews, to ourselves and to the exact nature of our misplaced credulity and lust after a front page review of our next book in the NYet Times Sunday Book Review.

6. Were entirely ready to have FoxNews and our local proctologist remove all copies of the NY Times from our memory banks.

7. Humbly asked Bill O'Reilly to remove our shortcomings. Got the last word.

8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed by quoting the NY Times in arguments and blatherfests, and became willing to send them gift subscriptions to the National Review.

9. Watched FoxNews wherever possible, except when to do so, such as overhearing a chance remark from Alan Colmes, would cause our teeth to burst into flames.

10. Continued to guard against reading the NY Times, and when we slipped promptly watched FoxNews, and, as penance, listened to six continuous hours of Michael Savage savage the English language and tongue kiss his dog.

11. Sought through seeking out Anne Coulter on to improve our conscious contact with FoxNews as we understood it, praying only for Geraldo to throw himself on an IED while on assignment in Bananastan.

12. Having had a huge amount of spare time restored to our lives, especially on Sundays, as the result of not reading the NY Times, we tried to extend the blessings of our watching of FoxNews to others who were still addicted to the NY Times.

Posted by Vanderleun at December 11, 2007 2:21 PM
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"It is impossible to speak in such a way that you cannot be misunderstood." -- Karl Popper N.B.: Comments are moderated and may not appear immediately. Comments that exceed the obscenity or stupidity limits will be either edited or expunged.

As always, a delight!

Posted by: Alexandra Greeley at April 9, 2006 4:48 PM

contra, not as good as usual - but the usual is darn good, as others are recently caterwalling. I visit four times a day and enjoy it very much.

Posted by: Doug_s at April 9, 2006 6:22 PM

Look at this typical leftwing, Bush-bashing garbage from the MSM:,1,7523153.story?coll=la-headlines-world

Posted by: Phil Sandesto at April 10, 2006 5:46 AM

I am proud to say that I have reached the point where no longer recognizes me when I make the ocaissional stop there to read a specific article. One less addiction to contend with.

Posted by: Jim Katz at April 10, 2006 6:34 AM

OK - but all kidding aside:

I am an American living overseas. My choices for news are:

NY Times via internet
International Herald Tribune, also via internet

Ha'aretz (yes I am in Israel) - this is Israel's only daily newspaper of record, suffers from the same narrow, politicized worldview as the Grey Lady, and most of its international reporting has NYT or IHT bylines.


The FoxNews website is full of trashy filler, and cannot be easily scanned for a morning update.

I basically read the NYT skeptically, then scroll through a few sites like Pajamas Media and MEMEorandum.

But I do have a life, and a job.

So despite the conservative presence in the blogosphere, there is no one place a person like me can go to for a balanced, objective news roundup.

Posted by: Ben-David at April 11, 2006 2:58 AM

I for one gave up the NY Times long ago for a much more informative, educational, exciting and intellectually honest news provider--"People"

Posted by: Murphy Klasing at December 11, 2007 1:07 PM