January 11, 2017

Let’s Review: Peegate

Once upon a time I was, for many years, senior editor at Penthouse Magazine. Towards the end of my tenure there the owner, Bob Guccione, found himself -- as the direct result of decades of his foolish business decisions -- about to lose the magazine and all he had. Guccione had been a big winner in the game of life but he played the endgame poorly and was about to become a big loser. This was, as so many in his losing situation always think, not the result of his poor decisions but always because of outside forces and "enemies." With Bob there were always enemies. Everywhere.

As he felt his empire slipping away, as he saw his carefully crafted world evaporating around him, Guccione became willing to do anything. Towards the end this included commissioning, buying, laying out and publishing, long photo features of naked Penthouse Pets peeing on themselves and on others as a kind of kinky foreplay in a virtual fornication festival.

The Penthouse staff -- as no doubt many many readers -- were revolted by this turn of the screwings, but Guccione was convinced that he had some sort of insight into the secret sexual desires of Americans so he published these repulsive photo features over and over again. Result? He lost his magazines, his money, his house, and ended sunk deep into penury.

Having lived through that period of Penthouse insanity I thought I had finally seen the last of losers using urination to somehow, someway, claw their way back into the winner's circle.

Alas, just when I thought I was out, the perverted progressive losers among us pull me back in. It seems they are trying to make the world believe in Trump and "Peegate."

Really? This seems to be the way Peegate worked:

1) An international business man who has spent decades in the rough and tumble world of real estate development and skyscraper construction and may be presumed to have some sophistication when it comes to wheeling and dealing with governments of all sorts throughout the world travels to

2) Moscow. Not Moscow, Idaho, but Moscow in Russia. That would be Moscow the capital of one of the most paranoid and intrusive governments in the world (Both now and for the 19th and 20th centuries.). It is a society and a government with a long history of...

3) Secret police and the clandestine surveillance of its own citizens and visitors to the extent that the US was digging bugs out of the walls of its own embassy in Moscow for decades. When he gets to Moscow he stays at...

4) The Moscow Ritz-Carlton in the “Presidential Suite.” Since such accommodations are typically only taken by the filthy rich and/or representatives of foreign governments such as, say, presidents. And then this sophisticated and reasonably intelligent billionaire real estate developer...

5) Assumes that such a suite in such a capitol city of such a government has no surveillance equipment at all installed in its rooms, bathrooms, closets, and -- most importantly -- bedrooms. He then asks the hotel staff to show him...

6) The bed in which Barack Obama and his wife slept in when they were in this same “Presidential Suite.” Upon being show the bed our businessman then...

7) Contacts two high-dollar Russian hookers (who would never, ever, have anything to do with the KGB or other intelligence organs of Russia) and instructs them to.... Wait for it....

8) Urinate on said bed in order to give said businessman some odd sort of thrill and...

9) Said businessman remains utterly positive no agency of the Russian state is running cameras and microphones from every possible angle in the master bedroom in a “Presidential Suite” in a top hotel in the capitol of Russia and...

10) The two damp hookers will never, ever, reveal a word about their golden shower in the Ritz Carleton’s “Presidential Suite.”

While I know that millions of morons are nodding like the drinking bird over the glass in their deep and abiding belief in this overflowing crock, I still find it hard to believe that there are smart people out there that really are this stupid. But of course they are not that stupid, not the smart ones. Instead they know this is a crock and yet they find they must drink from it lest their #NeverTrump fantasy world dissolve.

Sad. Their repetitive manic desperation now has foam flecking their lips and jowls as they dive down deep, and not for the last time, into this fuming septic tank of their own political sewage. Without even a snorkel. If they ever get out of the tank they will need a long, long golden shower.

Posted by gerardvanderleun at January 11, 2017 5:53 PM
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"It is impossible to speak in such a way that you cannot be misunderstood." -- Karl Popper N.B.: Comments are moderated and may not appear immediately. Comments that exceed the obscenity or stupidity limits will be either edited or expunged.

So. . .you're saying the whole thing was too farfetched even for Penthouse Forum?

Posted by: smitty1e at January 11, 2017 6:41 PM

Sadly, many...too many dopes will believe it because though it isn't true, they would love it to be.

Get ready for at least 4 years of "comedians" winking and saying "Donald, urine trouble!" followed by raucous applause from the "smart" people who "know the score".

Posted by: Mumblix_Grumph at January 11, 2017 6:56 PM

So you are complaining about yellow journalism?

Posted by: ajwpip at January 11, 2017 8:51 PM

Meanwhile, we will be laughing at them.

Posted by: Jewel at January 11, 2017 8:53 PM

Wasn't Penthouse the first of the "big" porno mags that was known to have a reader write-in forum that became a cliche' with supposed readers writing in and starting with, "You'll never believe what happened to me"....

Yeah. Good call. I don't believe it.

Posted by: Speller at January 11, 2017 9:04 PM

As the buy-in gets more and more dear, and the commitment becomes more and more bizarre, the prospect of finally proclaiming "What the fuck was I thinking?" becomes more and more unimaginable.

I think that if this doesn't remind you all of the progress of demonic possession, you just haven't been paying attention.

Posted by: Rob De Witt at January 11, 2017 11:52 PM

"I still find it hard to believe that there are smart people out there that really are this stupid."

They're called liberals. They elected a dumbass. TWICE!

Posted by: harleycowboy at January 12, 2017 4:27 AM

Peter Turchin ("Ages of Discord," 2016) shows that the anger and discord among our ruling elites is at all time historic highs, exceeding even the period before the Civil War. He believes that unless the elites can somehow tone down their fratricide the US is in for a period of extreme violence, perhaps even Civil War II.

Posted by: bob sykes at January 12, 2017 5:25 AM

You can tell a lot about a person by the accusations they dream up about their enemies. You know they sat and thought, "what would I do if I were Trump?" and then revealed their own inner distortions.

Posted by: Joan of Argghh! at January 12, 2017 6:15 AM

I watched part of last night's Anderson Cooper interview with Kellyanne Conway.

Best part: Cooper's face which conflicted with his words. He was ultra-embarrassed and could not hide his mortification.

Guess he has some basic core of decency that he has not yet extinguished.

Posted by: JamesG at January 12, 2017 6:51 AM

I'm frankly astonished that they've not yet accused Trump of abusing that tiny giraffe.

Sunk New Dawn
Galveston, TX

Posted by: Jim at January 12, 2017 6:54 AM

You were a senior editor at Penthouse Magazine? Bravo, Sir, bravo!!!

Posted by: Frisco Scooter Trash at January 12, 2017 10:58 AM

Pygmy giraffe?

"Opulence. I has it."

Posted by: Rich Fader at January 12, 2017 12:52 PM

I feel somewhat encrudded, now.

Posted by: Jewel at January 12, 2017 6:32 PM

I always thought it would be interesting to work at Penthouse. Say, as the guy whose job was to put Vaseline on the camera lenses.

A commenter at another site nailed it when he pointed out that Trump is an alpha male. No alpha male would think that having hookers pee on a bed that Obama slept in years before would accomplish anything. Alpha males get revenge in a serious, public way.

Posted by: Gordon at January 13, 2017 3:16 AM

I always wanted to be a fluffer for the centerfolds.

(...and then, as it always does, the conversation turned to sex...)

Posted by: ghostsniper at January 13, 2017 6:32 AM

"I've read your Forum for years, and always enjoyed the stories of reckless billionaires paying for foreign hookers to urinate on the beds of their enemies, but I NEVER thought it would happen to me one day! But it DID!..."

Posted by: Gary Deyana at January 17, 2017 10:04 AM

As a music teacher, Melanie believes the most important
skill you can have is patience!

Posted by: mp3 youtube at January 18, 2017 8:13 AM