July 31, 2008

Dream Tickets 2008: McCain-Clinton, Obama-Obama

You say you want a revolution
Well, you know
We all want to change the world

You say you got a real solution
Well, you know
We'd all love to see the plan

-- The Sacred Book of Beatles

You'd love to see the plan? Okay, here's mine. And, yes, I am a "sooper-genius" for coming up with it. If you think about it you'll know it's not only right, but that -- with a little of that all-American hope for change -- Americans will all say,"Yes, we can!"

Look, we all know where this campaign is going and it's not good. It hasn't been good for a long, long time and it gets worse by the day. But with a little creativity among the surviving candidates we can still snatch victory from the jaws of wingnuts and moonbats.



My plan is simplicity itself as expressed in the bumper stickers above.

Step 1: Hillary crosses over and joins McCain as veep.

A lot has been made about how Obama's and Hillary's positions are pretty much the same, but they're not and we all know it. At this point Hillary's positions are much closer to McCain's since, as death-thirsting Conservatives are shrieking to tell you, McCain is actually the "Conservative Anti-Christ!!!" with a sheaf of centrist stealth-Socialist-Democrat policies that he can't wait to shove down the throats of our droolingly demented Congress. Clinton's positions are pretty much in a full overlap with McCain's' except for a few details about health care which can be hammered out with some birth tongs.

Clinton will be happy to come over and bring her huge chunk of Democrats with her. At this point the only thing she probably hates more than her husband are the Obamatrons. Time for some payback.

This Clinton switch gives McCain the women's vote (except for the 300 surviving members of NOW and an inconsequential million of so Democrat women and drag queens whose panties dampen at the mere mention of "O" be it Obama, Oprah, or "The Story of...." ). It also puts the fear of McCain's age to rest with the introduction of a younger, experienced running mate who has proved she is tough enough to take a media licking and keep on ticking. Hillary can also pick up some of the African-American vote from African-Americans who still believe she was indeed once married to "the first Black President" -- especially if she promises to divorce that sorry SOB after the election.


This ticket is an certified "Obama-slayer." Unless....

Step 2: Obama counters with the obvious aikido move and promotes his wife Michelle from bed-mate to running mate.

This makes home life for Obama that much easier on the campaign trail because he can send her far-far away. Will he do it? If he actually is smart and not just pretending for the cameras, yes.

Following a Hillary Right-Cross, Obama can only counter with a Left-jab. By making Michelle his Veep the "historic" nature of his candidacy becomes "double-Historic" with the first sorta-Black candidate running with the more-Black candidate for First Coupledom. And why shouldn't a man and wife be President and Veep? No law against it and it probably has some distinct advantages. In addition, Michelle as running mate running about the country giving speeches would make anything Obama said look brilliant and sensible by comparison. Plus, just think of the Hillary vs. Michelle VP debates. Catfight for the ages!


An important plus for Obama is that he can, with Michelle, stop some of the "Hillary or else" female leakage from his voter base. Add to that the fact that, for all her bitter spew, Michelle looks better in a pants suit than Hillary and you've pretty much sewed up the Feminists-in-Comfortable-Shoes crowd.

The "Couple Ticket" vs the "Clintonian McCain Ticket" also gets this "About Race/Not About Race" race out of the closet with vengeance. It will be pretty clear which race is being offered to a country that is now finally "Beyond Race" and the results will be illuminating to behold. That they might well be illuminated by many square blocks of burning cities is beside the point.

I think you'll agree that my proposed match-up of our current crop of Presidential wannabes makes a lot of sense and also promises much more entertainment than we could expect if the campaign went down the same old roads as it has for over 200 years.

With McCain-Clinton vs. Obama-Obama, the country would be given a clear choice between the Party of the Center-Sorta-Right and the Party of the Left-Sorta-Crazy. Which ever way it goes you can't say it isn't a campaign that "Looks Like America, 2008."

Posted by Vanderleun at July 31, 2008 8:19 AM
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"It is impossible to speak in such a way that you cannot be misunderstood." -- Karl Popper N.B.: Comments are moderated and may not appear immediately. Comments that exceed the obscenity or stupidity limits will be either edited or expunged.

And why shouldn't a man and wife be President and Veep? No law against it

Well, under the Constitution (Art. 2 and Am. 12) the President and Vice-President must be residents of different states. Dick Cheney had to move back to Wyoming before the 2000 election. It would be tough on a happily married couple with young children.

Posted by: Fat Man at May 25, 2008 10:48 AM

Confronted with those two tickets, my choice would be Option C: Hell-No!

Posted by: Rich Fader at May 25, 2008 10:57 AM

I've said it before: you're a frickin' genius!

All of the puzzle pieces are coming together...

Posted by: Doug Ross at May 25, 2008 2:57 PM

Who's on top?

Posted by: twolaneflash at May 25, 2008 3:16 PM

Too bad Bill Clinton's inelegible to run again for President or to run for Vice President, since that's one marriage where the husband and wife could plausibly argue that they are residents of different states. They live in the same houses in Westchester County, NW D.C., and maybe Little Rock, too, but never at the same time.

Posted by: Dr. Weevil at May 25, 2008 5:27 PM

Doc: What I said was: "a happily married couple with young children."

My dentist's sister lives in Boca Raton. Her husband lives in Toledo. I am sure they happier that way.

Posted by: Fat Man at May 25, 2008 6:22 PM

Obama-McGreevey would be a double-historic ticket too. Adds a whole 'nuther dimension to the question of who's on top.

Posted by: Connecticut Yankee at May 25, 2008 7:02 PM

Gerard, I still say that you are the funniest man on the internets.

Posted by: Maggie45 at May 25, 2008 11:32 PM

The most frightening place in the world: inside your head, for thinking up that Obama-squared nightmare ticket.

Posted by: baldilocks at May 26, 2008 10:51 AM

Sheer brilliant!!!

Posted by: Salim Mansur at June 2, 2008 7:51 AM

Woot for McCain-Clinton in '08! They would have my vote!

Posted by: McCainiac at June 3, 2008 6:49 PM

The unbeatable team for 2008 is Mccain/Clinton.

Posted by: maxwell12 at June 6, 2008 9:23 PM

Just discovered this website and wish I had a lot earlier in this recent circus, LOL! Good thing the Huffpuffers haven't found you yet, humor is RACIST you know,especially when directed at Him....

Posted by: Leigh at June 7, 2008 6:57 AM

" . . . the results will be illuminating to behold. That they might well be illuminated by many square blocks of burning cities is beside the point."

Oh you bad, bad, bad, funny (oops!) bad, bad, bad man.

Posted by: Cathy at July 31, 2008 3:40 PM


I say put Joe Lieberman as Vice-Presidential candidate on both tickets!

Posted by: FredJ at August 1, 2008 3:55 AM

Will someone closer to Seattle than I am check to see whether, as appears not to be the case, Gerard is taking his meds?

Thanks from all of us out here.

Posted by: Everyman at August 1, 2008 7:48 AM

Hillary is out of sight and out of mind where dead dogs lie. Leave her.

Obama and Pelosi reflect both sides of Marx's coin; "In Marx We Trust". Has she the guts to join the Obama ticket as VP? In her lust for power, will she attempt to become #2 rather than stay temporarily #3 in line for POTUS?

Vote anti-DNC and Pelosi loses the gavel. Then at least floor debate and subsequent votes can take place allowing taxed citizens their legal representation in Congress currently being denied by Czarina Pelosi.

Don't accept Pelosi's order that we all eat her Jim Crow substitute for turkey and stuffing dinner this Thanksgiving.

Survive and Thrive!
Pump, Produce, Prosper '08

Posted by: maverick muse at August 2, 2008 7:02 AM

Mccain-Obama or Obama-Mccain. whoever wins the general election wins the top position.

Posted by: scootie2008 at September 23, 2008 5:50 PM