February 26, 2012

Comment of the Month (So far): Sherlock's "The Shit List"


Reacting to [The Cowardly] US President Barack Obama has apologised for the Koran-burning incident, Sherlock brings us up to speed on his advanced foreign policy for Muslim countries:

The Shit List. Ah yes. I put forward the idea several years ago in these pages and in others. Here's how I would explain it to the world.
First, the way you initially get on the Shit List is by having your society based on the inherently xenophobic and violent Muslim law. Unfair? Yes indeed, and I am sorry for you, I really am - you have drawn the short straw of history. Tough titty.
But good news - there is an easy way to get off the Shit List! You just have to renounce the parts of Muslim law that make it easy for you to do bad things to me and mine. Those would be the parts where I am considered no more than an animal because I am not a Muslim like you, and also the parts where even your own women aren't either. Free and educated women could exert a calming and civilizing influence over the hordes of sexually frustrated young men your societies seem uniquely adept at producing. Oh, and adopt democracy - that helps too. Democracies (real ones) don't tend to attack each other. Do I hear you say there are exceptions to that? Sure - but you see, it is no longer our job to be perfect, slick. No, siree.
So there is an Easy Way of getting off the Shit List, but there is also a Hard Way. Imagine for example the FBI's "10 Most Wanted" list. The Easy Way to get off it is to turn yourself in, serve your time, and then stay out of trouble. Simple - maybe not so easy if you are a habitual, addicted, criminal, but at least easy to understand, no?
The Hard Way to get off the FBI's List is like how Bonnie and Clyde got off it. Think of it as the way where there is zero recidivism.
Getting off our Shit List the Hard Way is similar. Say you don't clean up your act, and then somebody busts a cap on us. We trace them to you, bingo, you're off the Shit List the Hard Way. Or say we can't trace them, but we are so pissed, we just guess. You could get off that way too.
So I think we should offer this deal to every Muslim country in the world. It's a fair deal - we aren't dictating to them what to do. We are just telling them the new rules, just like they have been in the habit of doing unto others for thousands of years.
Rule 1: Play nice, or enter the big lottery where becoming the world's largest expanse of glass is the prize, and the odds are good.
Rule 2: Avoid breaking Rule 1.

Posted by gerardvanderleun at February 26, 2012 5:02 PM
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"It is impossible to speak in such a way that you cannot be misunderstood." -- Karl Popper N.B.: Comments are moderated and may not appear immediately. Comments that exceed the obscenity or stupidity limits will be either edited or expunged.

It is the only way forward. Let them know that we wish no ill to them, but if we are attacked we will defend ourselves and there will be collateral damage. If "moderate" Muslims don't wish to be collateral damage, then they can quit harboring or tolerating their Islamist cousins. No middle way. No quarter. You don't want to be on the shit list.

Posted by: Jimmy J. at February 26, 2012 9:11 PM

If I never have to hear my country apologize to "The noble people of 'Off-gawn-ee-stawn'" again it will be too soon.

Ironically, an apology only pisses them off more because it shows weakness.

You apologize like this "Yeah, we burned the Korans, sorry about that, it was a mistake. Now shut the hell up and go back to fucking your goats."

Sorry, I'm feeling grumpy tonight.

Posted by: Mumblix Grumph at February 26, 2012 9:44 PM

If only it were this easy...

Posted by: Fred at February 26, 2012 10:30 PM

The aforementioned method is brilliant. I heard something similar in the misty past, I call it The Godfather Method.

Imagine the Godfather parks in front of your humble store. His associate informs the store owner if the car is stolen, scratched, or anything in between the Godfather will retaliate against the store owner. The store owner can complain about the unfairness of it all, or he can send his best employee outside to stand by the car and shoo away any potential troublemakers.

The beauty of this plan is it greatly simplifies the evidence collecting, CSI analysis, and the building a legal case against the jihadi group or the specific nation of Crapistan that perpetrated the act of agression. It becomes the job of the jihadi groups or the various governments of the various Crapistans to not get blamed for what happens to us.

Terrorists don't live in the clouds, they live in countries, with addresses and accomplices. Beat the ever living snot out of whomever you can find instead of trying to wage war on the governments, but not the people, of Crapistan.

The Chinese have a fable called "kill the chicken to scare the monkey." Punish the eff out of the cheap and easy troublemaker to send the appropriate message to the less convenient troublemaker.

Now, all we have to do is elect some leaders that give a rat's rear about the American people, rather than displaying their ability to play by the old tired rules.

Posted by: Scott M at February 27, 2012 2:58 AM

From Gates of Vienna concerning the coverage by Stars and Stripes:

So how’s that COIN doctrine doing, fellows? Isn’t it about time to consider a different doctrine for Afghanistan?

Well, no.

A reader named HD sent us a tip about the latest analysis posted in The Stars and Stripes, the official news outlet of the U.S. military. As he says, “I can't let this one pass... the propaganda arm of the DOD has released the biggest piece of dhimmi garbage I have yet read on the S&S site.”

The article glosses over the murder of the two soldiers, saying only that “two U.S. officers who were shot Saturday by an Afghan worker”. Worker. Not “police intelligence officer”. Nothing to see here. Move along.

The rest of the report is just as bad. Notice that the author is an American journalist, but “Zubair Babakarkhail contributed to this report”. “Babakarkhail” is an exclusively Afghan surname, and Afghanistan is a 100% Muslim nation — except for those vile infidel soldiers and aid workers, of course.

In other words: The Stars and Stripes subbed out the research on the article to a representative of the enemy. Mind you, the U.S. military doesn’t consider Afghan Muslims the enemy, but rather our good friends and allies. However, a significant proportion of Afghanistan’s Muslims consider us their enemy, and we would be better off if our military leaders could acknowledge that and remember it.

Posted by: Jewel at February 27, 2012 5:50 AM

We'd need to conjure up the shades of Curtis LeMay (one of history's greatest Americans) and Arthur "Bomber" Harris (not an American, but let's get him anyway). That would be a good place to start.

Posted by: Mike James at February 27, 2012 11:29 AM

Bill Jones, trolling never really seems, to me, to get much traction on this blog. What part of your comment do you consider to be worthy of response?

Posted by: Mike James at February 27, 2012 2:23 PM

Rubble don't make trouble.

Posted by: St. Thor at February 27, 2012 3:59 PM

St. Thor makes a lot of sense. I will be quoting him in the future. Thank you.

Posted by: altered states at February 27, 2012 8:29 PM

This is called "going Roman". Back in the day, it was kill all the men, sell the women and children into slavery, and salt all the fields. We're civilized, we're not supposed to do that anymore. Although we came close at the end of WWII.

Sherlock's suggestion doesn't follow "speak softly and carry a big stick", which is a variation on Sun Tzu's keep the enemy guessing at your strength and intentions and willingness to wage war.

However, with the SCOAMF desperate for cash to fund his social-democrat nirvana, he's busily whittling that big stick down to a paltry few bombs of uncertain reliability. His only foreign-policy and military experience was as a Russian stooge supporting the Nuclear-Free Europe movement during the Pershing Missile days. So he goes with what he knows: disarm America, and spend the money on the folks back home (well, actually, pass out political patronage to his friends).

Liberal democracies (more or less) like the good life, and with a lot to lose, prefer trying to work it out without hostilities. These countries like us, are very slow to be roused, but being the strongest, are capable of wreaking great vengeance. Let us pray it does not come to that.

Posted by: John A. Fleming at February 28, 2012 2:44 PM

One little addition to such an announcement might be to land a concrete-filled ICBM warhead in the Grand Mosque and then broadcast a simple statement:

"The next one won't be a dud."

Posted by: Fletcher Christian at February 29, 2012 6:13 AM