May 9, 2012

Coming Out Spinning: Obama's Evolution Towards Gay Gutsycalls

As the country's majorities again confirm at the ballot box they are not in favor of gay "marriage," the nation's ostensible leader continues an evolutionary decloseting whose speed is lapped, so to speak, by the platypus. The delay is puzzling to me. Given the fact that Obama is the gayest straight man ever to hold the office of the president, I fail to see what the problem is in his coming out of the closet on a rocket.

Oh, wait, can it be that African-American church ladies and gentlemen do not support the idea of homosexual marriage? Why would Obama care? Those groups are doomed to vote for him no matter what. In addition, those groups do not, as groups, have a lot of money after years of record Obama-induced African-American unemployment. In contrast the amount of money gay groups are expected to pony up for his campaign coffers is, in Hollywood alone, gigantic. When has money not trumped spirituality in Obama's career? Short answer, never.

Now it would seem that tomorrow we may at last see the latest "evolution" of this strange anti-American life form currently getting his free food-stamp card refilled daily at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

Gee whiz. I wonder if Obama will come out or not. He could of course avoid taking a "position" simply giving Andrew Sullivan one hot evening in the Lincoln Bedroom and leaking the photographs to, but some things are just too revolting to evolve into.

The smart money is betting Obama will avoid the Sullivan gambit and simply come out. This will, of course, require a bit of a makeover of the president's recent "I got Bin Laden" Sgt. Fury image but fortunately some groundbreaking work has already been done in this regard when it comes to the first lady.

There's no reason this kind of image modernization can't be applied to the president. It just requires getting him some somewhat larger shoes.

Posted by gerardvanderleun at May 9, 2012 10:36 AM
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"It is impossible to speak in such a way that you cannot be misunderstood." -- Karl Popper N.B.: Comments are moderated and may not appear immediately. Comments that exceed the obscenity or stupidity limits will be either edited or expunged.

I thought Prop 8 won because a couple million Okies snuck into California on election day from Utah and Idaho or something and voted for it. I find it inconceivable that a whole bunch of people who voted for Obambi on that same ballot could have checked off "YES" on Prop 8. Don't you? :-)

Posted by: Don Rodrigo at May 9, 2012 11:04 AM

There is always a lack of uniformity when the unions are stuffing ballot boxes.

Posted by: Casca at May 9, 2012 12:27 PM

Don Rodrigo: Blacks and Mexican Hispanics don't care for the "gay lifestyle" or its practitioners. But, they are half of the Democrat's votes.

Blacks in particular are pissed off at the claims of mincing white boys that they are being discriminated against.

Posted by: Fat Man at May 9, 2012 12:32 PM

Gerard: Hussein can't give Andy what he wants because they are both bottoms. Wait until after Hussein leaves the White House. He will come out and drop the charade. He will become the ex-president nobody talks about.

Posted by: Fat Man at May 9, 2012 12:36 PM

I always wondered what the precinct votes on Prop 8 looked like in Watts, Inglewood and Compton.

Posted by: Brad at May 9, 2012 1:54 PM

The looked to be against Gay anything.

Posted by: vanderleun at May 9, 2012 1:59 PM

What I really liked was the host's Rachel Maddow impression.

Call me silly.

Posted by: Rob De Witt at May 9, 2012 5:04 PM

Yeah, Obama is gay. 2008, Republicans got spanked by a gay man. A gay black man. War hero, POW plus Alaskan genius Palin lost heavier than anybody since Reagan II, to a gay black guy. That must make you proud.
Truth--Obama's smarter than you, stronger than you, and closer to the truth--way closer to the truth--than you are. Keep barking, wingnuts.


Posted by: ice9 at May 9, 2012 8:04 PM

@ ice9

2010 was just a warm-up..stand by.

2012, white guilt no longer applies, you might want to cover your ears in November.

Your cock-sucking, dope-smoking socialist will be on the ghetto lecture circuit for greasy fried chicken.

Too bad he screwed it up for other decent black men.

Posted by: Rocky at May 9, 2012 9:39 PM

The author:

1) Writes elaborate, detailed gay fantasies (commonly known as "slash fiction").
2) Ardently wishes, frequently and in public, that a celebrity that he is obsessed with is actually gay
3) Repeatedly describes himself as "compulsively heterosexual" while being obviously and completely obsessed with gay sex.
4) Has encyclopedic knowledge of gay porn sites; mentions them in public as "proof" of his heterosexuality.

However you feel about gay marriage, we've all seen enough closet cases over the past few years to know where this is going...

Can you ever imagine Sean Connery or any other legendary ladies' man having to describe themselves as "compulsively heterosexual"? The Mary doth protest too much.

Posted by: Angry Geometer at May 10, 2012 12:36 AM

I think a recent President who had a gay male prostitute masquerading as a reporter smuggled into his press briefings so that he could turn to him for comfort when the questions got tough -- and who loved to rub the heads of bald men, including the aforementioned reporter -- probably is the only closeted President we've ever had.

Posted by: phein39 at May 10, 2012 9:25 AM

@angry geometer
Gerard may take the high ground on your comments but I'll stick to your level: you're an angry little maggot.

Posted by: LT at May 10, 2012 10:18 AM

Not necessary to feed the maggots. They grow fat gnawing their own substance.

Posted by: vanderleun at May 10, 2012 10:37 AM

Oh. Dear. Gaia. I didn't think Michelle could get more hideous with her permanent angry eyes, but adding a hairy chest and five o'clock shadow only proves the fact that we living in the Troll Kingdom.

Posted by: Jewel at May 11, 2012 12:55 PM

There's always that unmistakeable smell of ass. You have two guys engaging in penile penetration of a sphincter, one with the other, then rubbing all around on each other, there's bound to be a thin layer of shit coating on both of them. Shit smells like shit. Always has. Always will.

Posted by: MarkInKansas at May 12, 2012 8:13 AM
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