December 8, 2015

Are you a Democrat, Republican or Southerner? Here is a little test that will help you decide.


The answer can be found by posing the following question:

You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you. You are carrying a 40 cal pistol, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?

Democrat's Answer:
Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!
Does the man look poor or oppressed?
Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
Could we run away?
What does my wife think?
What about the kids?
Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?
What does the law say about this situation?
Does the firearm have appropriate safety built into it?
Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?
Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?
Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?
If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?
Should I call 9-1-1?
Why is this street so deserted?
We need to raise taxes, have paint and weed day and make this happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior. This is all so confusing!
I need to debate this with some friends for few days and try to come to a consensus....

Republican's Answer: BANG!

Southerner's Answer: BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click..... (Sounds of reloading) BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click....
Daughter: "Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or Black Talon?"
Son: "Can I shoot the next one!"
Wife: "You ain't taking that to the Taxidermist!"


[HT: Never Yet Melted]

Posted by gerardvanderleun at December 8, 2015 9:39 AM
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"It is impossible to speak in such a way that you cannot be misunderstood." -- Karl Popper N.B.: Comments are moderated and may not appear immediately. Comments that exceed the obscenity or stupidity limits will be either edited or expunged.

Let's not confuse 'leading from behind' with 'leading with one's behind.'

Posted by: Howard Nelson at December 8, 2015 10:14 AM

Or being a horse's behind.

Posted by: Fat Man at December 8, 2015 10:50 AM

The referenced scenario is true for all asswipes as far as I'm concerned.

I haven't the inclination nor desire to channel my contempt for assholes into specific genre's defined by others.

Posted by: ghostsniper at December 8, 2015 1:06 PM

Obama isn't leading from behind.

He's bending over and presenting his behind.

Posted by: EndOfPatience at December 8, 2015 2:32 PM

If you knew a certain person was likely to rape and murder your daughter/wife, would you invite this person into your home for dinner?

Read the Koran and get back to me. All one needs to know about these shit piles is in that volume.

Posted by: Terry at December 8, 2015 3:43 PM

I've never posted here, despite reading your blog for years, but this post deserves a giant "thank you" -- I needed that laugh!

Although I'm from the west coast, I think I may be an honorary Southerner.

Posted by: Guest at December 8, 2015 7:03 PM

He's not leading from behind, he's playing for the other team. From his standpoint, he's behind enemy lines!

Also, I'm definitely a Southerner, although I'd prefer a rifle or shotgun. And a baseball bat, in case I somehow managed to only take out his legs. And some ham to stifle his whimpering. And a full bladder.

Posted by: Alfredo at December 8, 2015 8:42 PM

"If you kill enough of them, they stop fighting".
-Curtis LeMay

Posted by: chasmatic at December 8, 2015 11:33 PM

No, what you do is you find the ass who gave him the advice and blow his ass away. The less bad advice you have out there, the less there will be for nimrods to take.

Posted by: Alan Kellogg at December 9, 2015 6:19 PM