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Issues and A**holes

There’s nothing in the street
Looks any different to me
And the slogans are replaced, by-the-bye
The parting on the left
Is now parting on the right
And the beards have all grown longer overnight

The Who, Won’t Get Fooled Again

As the days drift on towards the deeper daze of the coming summer it is becoming numbingly clear that the political divide in the nation is between Issues and Aholes. I say “numbingly” because the ceaseless screeching of the progressive witches, bitches, and snitches in search of stitches has risen to such a high keening pitch that human ears can no longer hear it as a pile of plaints but only as the dumb strum of millions of monolithic morons sucking their thumbs.

Once I dreamed that following the release of the Meuller Report I would have some shred of lost time returned, some moment of reprieve in which I could take a bit of a nap in the warm Spring breezes, one scintilla of an iota of a jot of a nanosecond wherein I could find surcease from the political progressive poltroons of the left and their inevitable Ahole blatherfests and exhibitions of autofellatio.  Alas, it was only a box of rain…

It’s all a dream we dreamed
One afternoon long ago.

Aholes cannot change their shape or their sphinctoid function. No matter what the Issue in our perverted politics Aholes must be Aholes. Example One –The Issue with the Meuller Report was simple: Did President Trump Collude with Russia In the 2016 Election? Two years of muck sucking and $40 million later the answer was, “NO.”

Game. Set. Match.

Right? Right.

When I get to the bottom I go back to the top of the slide
And I stop and I turn and I go for a ride
And I get to the bottom and I see you again, yeah, yeah

Issues-oriented Americans like to resolve an issue and then move on to another issue. Not Aholes if they do not get what they want. Every time that happens Aholes go back to the mattresses for a do-over because “not fair!” This time it was to ignore the no collusion conclusions of Vol. 1 and bellyflop into the soft and warm fecal pudding of the Meuller Report vol. 2 where their crackpipe media told them lurked the crime, the major and jailable crime, of “He wuz doin dat ob-struction thing.”  And so the dull death rattle of their insane ideology has increased in volume and violence until the sane Issues folks start re-reading the 2nd Amendment and buying ammo by the block.

In ordinary times, after a National Day of Ahole Adjustment in which each Ahole would be set adrift on a three-inch thick plank with their ears nailed to it, Issues people would get on with the task of making American great again. But these are the days of poisoned politics and we cannot catch a break, not even if we retreat to the break room. Instead, we are condemned to this three-ring circus where every day the Ahole Party tosses another Never-Winner into their Clown Car and drives them all around for a week or two seeing which Can’t-ti-date can out Ahole the others.

Jump in, let’s go
Lay back, enjoy the show
Everybody gets high, everybody gets low,
These are the days when anything goes

It’s a lurid and perverted spectacle and it is set to go on,  stopping only for a periodic pump-outs at their Dead Donkey Trailer Park and Bad Idea Museum down by their stagnant river, for 18 (Eighteen!) very long months.

If we were about to be taken through a long and deep and meaningful look from all sides at the Issues that beset the nation, that would be a wonderful thing. But it will not be anything like that. Instead, it will be a series of clowns trying to win the center while being pounded deeper into the progressive muck of madness. As these tales told by idiots blather on and on we’ll be treated to bidding wars on Reparations!, to appeals to love and accept morbidly obese men and bearded ladies who identify as five year old female weightlifters, to endless racial hosannas in which the ever more magical and noble negro is elevated into the heavens and the dastardly white man is plunged into the fires of hell after first being relieved of his wealth and property, to the righteous stifling all dissenting opinions so that the lies of fascist overpromising drown all thought and care except the death-diving desire to just be accepted into the warm and wattled arms of She, Big Nurse of the Suffocating and Eternal State.  Her prescription for all?

Everything within the state, nothing outside the state, nothing against the state” — Mussolini

Since the Fires, I have tried to dial down the shrieks of the Aholes in our poisoned politics. I rarely watch cable news and then only via clips on Youtube. I only glance at the Ahole sodden local and national newspaper headlines as I pass before the stacks of unread copies in the store. My Facebook time is self-limited since so many in my timeline have the Ahole disease in which their political opinions are those they are told to have by their news sources. Online, a brief blast of the daily Drudge Report is all I can handle since even that page has begun to carry a constant whiff of Aholeness. Since the Fires, I have been I dare say on a severe news fast equal to one glass of watery wine and a stale communion wafer a day.

It’s no go, it’s no good. In the past, a man could take himself off the map if he wished to avoid being infected by the virus of politics. No more. It leaks in around the sealed doors and drips from the ceiling like some universal solvent and spoils life by accidental exposure to Aholes when one least expects it… say at some all-girls sporting event. (So far Beach Volleyball is safe but just you wait.)

For the next 18 months, I am going to try harder to avoid the Aholes of our politics but it is going to be a losing fight. So I think now my sole Issue is going to be, “Is this person an issue person or just another in the endless line of progressive Aholes.”  I can live with that.


Of course, even in the best of times, the Aholes can win. They have before and not so long ago. If the Aholes win this time the results may well be the Aholing of America.  If so,

Let be be the finale of seem…
The only emperor is the Emperor of Ice Cream.

Once upon a time, the FBI cronies of Meuller took out an “Insurance Policy” in the form of falsely obtained FISA warrants. I’m going to use the time I have to buff up my own insurance policy. Instead of fretting over the daily Ahole items I think I’ll find and practice with the best target rifle one can buy in California with the least hassle. That should be much more soothing and relaxing than listening to the creaking bleat of the Marching Moron Battalion of the Ahole Army for the next year and a  half.

I’m an old man and these carping Aholes are starting to irritate me. As some calming therapy, I’m going to try to follow the advice of Clay Martin’s Guide to Urban Defense when he writes, “You need a rifle. And preferably several friends with rifles.”

Comments on this entry are closed.

  • Marica May 15, 2019, 10:14 AM

    No way I’m going to be first to comment, other than to say thanks, that was a great read.

  • tim May 15, 2019, 10:20 AM

    “Do not tell me ’bout your issues
    Oh god you’re gonna talk about them more and more
    I’ll get some tissues
    Soon you’ll be crying on my kitchen floor”


  • talgus May 15, 2019, 10:39 AM

    great read. more and more, politicians and Aholes are the synonymous. politics is not the reason for life no matter what the aholes say.

  • John the River May 15, 2019, 11:38 AM

    America is broken.
    I’m fairly sure that America wasn’t broken when I was very young. But it’s clearly broken now.
    So who broke it? Why did they do it? How do we fix it?
    And why don’t most of the people I see and hear realize it’s broken? Actually, when I go on the bus, or to the Post Office, or to Walmart; where are the Americans?

  • Rob De Witt May 15, 2019, 12:02 PM


    Surely I’m not the only person you know who’s noticed that “Assholes vs Issues” is just another iteration of “Feminism vs Reality.” We’ve been led to this by the ongoing feminisation of our culture – and there is no man who’s ever been married who can’t see the Mars/Venus allegory here:

    Quite simply, men desire results and women adore process, in the belief that talking about something is the equivalent of doing something about it. Lefties are rarely men in any way that truly signifies, and therefore they will forever be happier ‘n a pig in shit to just keep rehashing……everything.

    The only solution is drastic.

  • Eskyman May 15, 2019, 12:32 PM

    We are of the same age and generally of the same opinions, and I share your weariness of the “shrieks of the Aholes” as you so aptly put it.

    Over a decade ago I cut the TV cable, and like you only get my “news” from websites and select videos; but the poison does seep in. The worst part is, there is so much untruth mixed in with the truth; we no longer (if we ever really did) have many actual journalists that try to uncover the facts to reveal what is hidden, instead they embellish press handouts that support their chosen side. If only they were at least open about their partisanship, but they hide it and pretend to be unbiased; that is a damned insult!

    Often I am reminded of Michael Crichton’s speech, where he criticised the media; he coined the term “The Murray Gell-Mann Amnesia Effect” which he described thusly:

    “Briefly stated, the Gell-Mann Amnesia effect works as follows. You open the newspaper to an article on some subject you know well. In Murray’s case, physics. In mine, show business. You read the article and see the journalist has absolutely no understanding of either the facts or the issues. Often, the article is so wrong it actually presents the story backward-reversing cause and effect. I call these the “wet streets cause rain” stories. Paper’s full of them.

    In any case, you read with exasperation or amusement the multiple errors in a story-and then turn the page to national or international affairs, and read with renewed interest as if the rest of the newspaper was somehow more accurate about far-off Palestine than it was about the story you just read. You turn the page, and forget what you know.” (Following link contains link to the full speech, well worth reading in full.)

    Your “insurance policy” of getting and practicing with a good rifle seems like a good idea to me; but the way things are going, and much as I’d like to know all about your experiences, I’d advise you to think carefully about saying any more about that online.

    We are being watched, and notes are being taken; some tall poppies have already been cut, and the gardeners are keen to remove more. So far the censors have unpersoned Laura Loomer, Alex Jones, Milo Yiannopolis, Thomas Wictor, and many others; I don’t want to find you or your website suddenly vanished, but the pogrom has begun. There is also the very real danger that CA’s “red flag” law presents: anyone who takes a dislike to you can inform the authorities that you are a danger, to yourself or others, and then you’ll get a visit by the police, who will helpfully confiscate any weapons you may have, without any formalities like an indictment, trial or conviction.

    We are living in interesting times indeed!

  • Vanderleun May 15, 2019, 12:38 PM

    “I have no fear, for fear is the little death that kills me over and over. Without fear, I die but once.”
    I must not fear.
    Fear is the mind-killer.
    Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
    I will face my fear.
    I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
    And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
    Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.”

    — Frank Herbert, Dune

  • Timothy Patterson May 15, 2019, 12:55 PM

    Great line from one of my favorite Hot Mess movies Dune. The Mentat Chant.

  • Roy Lofquist May 15, 2019, 2:00 PM

    “Punching small holes in pieces of paper…”


  • AbigailAdams May 15, 2019, 2:33 PM

    Isaiah 41:

    10 fear not, for I am with you;

    be not dismayed, for I am your God;

    I will strengthen you, I will help you,

    I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

  • CT May 15, 2019, 2:56 PM

    I agree re: Drudge. Read breitbart.com.

  • Phil Ossiferz Stone May 15, 2019, 3:39 PM

    I suggest the Mossberg MVP Patrol in .223. It’s affordable, points nicely, and takes mags for the AR-15. 10-rounders if you didn’t buy any milspec mags during the Mad Mad California Magazine Bonanza. .22 is plentiful and cheap (for now) and won’t bang up your shoulder. And with bonded bullets like Hornady TAP, it makes a great deer/wild hog cartridge.

  • R Daneel May 15, 2019, 7:03 PM

    GVL – I suggest you read this:

    Gray Man Ethics

    Avoid crowds
    Make and nurture some “good” hard-hearted friends
    Be Somewhere Else when bad things happen.
    Save For Rainy Days.
    Live Within Your Means.
    Strong People Are Harder To Kill, and Generally More Useful.
    No One Else Will Be Coming To Save You.

  • R Daneel May 15, 2019, 7:06 PM

    Oh, and firearms. Mossbergs are dandy and cheap. Nothing wrong with the Rugers either.

  • TwoDogs May 15, 2019, 9:21 PM

    While idle paper punching at the local range with pistol or rifle is good clean fun, it pales compared to the cameraderie and excitement of any sort of action shooting match. Steel Challenge, USPSA, IPSC, Three Gun, whatever. Anything where you pit yourself against others on a course requiring speed and accuracy. You get a good idea of your skills and where they need to improve and you meet a bunch of people who restore your faith that America is not a country completely infested by liberal aholes. Look around. It would be well worth the effort to find your local shooting community and hook up with it.

  • Groman May 16, 2019, 4:06 AM

    We’re living in Bizzaro America. It’s sad to say it was our generation that threw it all away. Filled with hubris, knowing more than all those who came before us. Suckered in by Marcuse and others, we gladly and righteously flushed Christianity and normality down the drain. We were cool. We were hip. We’ve reaped the whirlwind. Got ammo?

  • M.Murcek May 16, 2019, 5:44 AM

    The problem, regrettably, is that collectivism is a sham. Whether it’s collectivism of the right or the left, it will fail on its own weight.

  • Casey Klahn May 16, 2019, 6:53 AM

    I was working my lil’ brain up the slippy slope last week, trying to determine the core and actual messages that both parties will throw up for the election cycle. Not the weekly and daily zig and zag (dems are so good at that), but the thesis issues.

    Trump will run on the economy, if he can avoid a war. It’s a winner, and historic cycles of 2-terms per plus an awesome economy equals Trump wins. Everyone knows this unless they are fully diluted by shit-for-brains daily pap from the media.

    The dems will run on socialism. I know. I know…that sounds absurd to us old-timers and realists. Fucking socialism! Communism’s reticent and cyclic younger brother. History’s worst idea for economics, and that includes some really bad ideas. This we know.

    But, the younglings don’t know it, and the old commies are just evil enough to try it again. They are weak of mind, and cannot grok a new concept, so they resort to fukking Marx. Goddamned, stupid, and failed Marx. The hell of it is: they might get some traction with it! They’ll need international support (ironic that). Commie-ism is an international movement, and Americans are fairly rock-ribbed. We are used to having property, and to success. But, the culture is on overdrive cranking on capitalism’s weaknesses, and Marxism’s supposed utopia.

    Marx and Mussolini fell out of the same tree. we know this. But libs think Fascism is simply racism, and that racism is the core evil of society. Especially American society. I don’t think my father (in fact I know this to be true) gave a rat’s ass about racial issues when he went up that mountain in Italy to fight the Teds. Freedom is property, and some other interesting stuff like conscience, religion, and language (such as speech).

    Anyway, them: socialism. Us: the great economy. They will try to use flashy issues to hide or decorate socialism, such as the environment, gayness, and race. How did the Soves do with race? I’ll wait why libs turn that one over in their heads. Race, hmmm, let’s see….how was Stalin on race???? OK. Now, how was Stalin on…the environment? Oh, I forgot. Americans will magically use communism for good things vis. race, Earf and gays. Got it.

    I don’t know if you can believe this or not, but I go days, weeks and sometimes months and never really give one shit about gays, the Erf or race. They totally rate zero with my mind. I had the extremely rude experience of being MeToo-ed when I went to Denver, and the last time I was in Seattle I had some asshole go aggro on me for some environmental shit. Ditto, in LA. Gawd, those people lead dreary lives.

    Buckle up, my friends. I’ll be reading here for some humor and the major pressure valve I need after reading the news every day.

  • Dave J May 16, 2019, 9:33 AM

    G, good call on the “news fast” but we both know the spew is not what we used to consider “news”. The progressives desire no discourse. There will be no surcease or lost time returned. Those of us that prefer to truck in reality will need to learn to find peace be it during trigger time or sleep.

  • JiminAlaska May 16, 2019, 10:47 AM

    Sitting up here on top of the world I’m able, to a certain extent, to just sit back grab the popcorn, sip a beer I brewed and watch the show. Though, just in case, I have mapped out all the exits from the theater, of course.

  • ghostsniper May 16, 2019, 10:51 AM

    I told everybody here a year ago to dial the whole thing back, get the fuck out of it. It’s going down and if you don’t get out you’re going down with it. The news. None of it can be believed. How many times can it cry wolf before you get that clue? Over in the right column: “No, Trump doesn’t make the best ham sando in the world.” sigh

    Using everything you got, get the hell out of dodge. I mean it. If you live in an urbania or suburbania you are doomed 9 ways from sunday. Location, location, location. It’s everything, including your life. Yes you can. You can pack your shit and get moving. Now. No matter what it takes. In your core you know I’m right. In your feelings you don’t want me to be right. You can live without feelings, without core you are dead.

    Shelter, water, food, defense. In that order. Mix them up at your own peril.
    Get the fuck as far away from society as you can, stockpile the shit out of water, food and ammo. Get off your lazy ass and get moving and stay moving. All. The. Time.

    Until you are relocated at a place far away from where you are now you need to turn everything off. All electrical everything. They are scrambling your brain and keeping you out of focus. Focus is your best friend. Does anybody remember focus?

  • JoanOfArgghh! May 17, 2019, 6:04 AM

    The millennial generation has not married and had families, ergo, they remain assholes like we all were when we were young and stupid. The ones who decide to have babies have decided they don’t need men, so they remain fantasizing assholes– the worst of the lot. There’s plenty remaining that can make a man wake up, but women today are making a good case for being relegated to chattel once again so that the Issues folk can clean up the mess their mewlings and fantasies have made.

  • sam carter May 18, 2019, 5:48 AM

    Well, I used to have a couple of guns and a bit of ammo, but I decided that they were more a danger than a defense so I sold them all at various gun shows. Now, if I need help, I will just dial 911.

    Just stayin’ alive.

  • sam carter May 18, 2019, 5:51 AM

    Well, I used to have a couple of guns and a bit of ammo, but I decided that they were more a danger to me and mine than a defense, so I sold them all at various gun shows.

    Stayin’ alive.

  • ghostsniper May 18, 2019, 7:01 AM

    @sam carter, I’m glad you did that, cause you are right.
    I’m one of those gun people that believes some people simply should not possess any gun.
    A hobby of mine is pondering the making and existence of nitwits.

  • Joe Smith May 18, 2019, 1:30 PM

    Always thought you were a fool and blowhard; now you have proven it.

  • Foo dog May 20, 2019, 7:57 PM

    Always come here at end of day, to cleanse the mind of the outrage addiction the media seem to be selling, and that social media has admitted to stoking.

    And get your humourous uniques sense of wonder.
    Lately I sense darkness gathering, and hope you can turn away from it, a bit, friend.

    Its pretty clear there is a small minority mostly left who are doubling down on the hate, and its not our job to fix them, just avoid their infection. Maybe pray for them.

    As always its a good time to find like minded friends, of good cheer, who are also resilient, and so you have, many online. You have already been thru the Fire. You are rich.

    Your Mom needs you in your best soul place too, G.
    So, Take a deep breath and unplug some. Seek out wonder and humor, like before.

    It will all be there when u come back, if ever…
    and if its gonna go blooey in Kkali, you will be that much further ahead, having been building resilience.

    Thats what I tell myself, anyway, and since you are far enough up the hill from the big city to be ok for awhile, my guess is a little bit by bit will be plenty. Mebbe set aside some extra drygoods in the back of the closet on each trip to the grocery store.
    Maggies Farm and all.

    PS, echo Gray Man and talk about it elsewhere.
    And three gun. Nice folks.

  • Vanderleun May 21, 2019, 8:41 PM

    Thanks for the kind words and warm wisdom, Foo Dog.