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I Feed Two Wolves

For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. –Ephesians 6:12

Of the seven deadly sins mine is rage. Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa is rage. My rage is a white-hot rage stoked both by my own inner demons and the numberless outer demons that infest our streets, schools, institutions, and politics. Blossoming this year  — as they did last year — are the rage-triggering mega-shitshows of Democrat policy and presumptions as played out daily in homes, towns, cities, and states across the nation.

These shitshows have now gone beyond media moments carefully calculated to get me to click and fume… these I can, to an extent, control. Of late, these have oozed out of the web to my town.

Right now the DemoShitshow has become manifest on the streets and in the stores of my town. I see the piles of the local shitshow in the proliferation of tents and tarps in the parks and along the streams and creeks and my gorge rises until my mind ignites into some sort of old man’s spittle-flecked fuming that requires me to clean the inside of my windshield. Since these rage points are usually passing I most often swallow my rage and drive or walk on. Then it is just a matter of waiting for my blood pressure to come down and my pulse rate to calm… oh SHIT! another one!

Then, if — and only if — possible I check my six and take up my now almost mantraesque prayer,

Lord, remove the rage from my heart and return me to Your new commandment,

“That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another.”

Yes, mantraesque because I find myself saying it with the frequency of a Tibetan Prayer Wheel hooked to the driveshaft of an Indy racecar coming out of turn two. I say it and feel chill calm and then, almost immediately, I see something on my streets or hear something on the news or read something on the Web or think something that drops me …  right back into the seething mosh pit of rage.

Local example 1: Junkies. The shambling and incoherent meth tweaker trying to run his Stamp Book scam on a young and overworked checkout boy at the Safeway. (Wolf One: “That cheap criminal junkie needs to have his head made into a canoe since nothing cures addiction except a spiritual renewal and he’s not getting one in this lifetime or the next, the scum.” Wolf Two: “I know it takes treatment and spiritual renewal but surely there is some way to reach that broken soul.”)

Local example 2: Masks in stores. Most here don’t wear them but about 35% do. Some even prance in  with three masks layered and an eye-shield and a cone mask on their frigging fake “Service Dog.” These marvels of prophylactically sealed hypochondriacs pitching me into silent grumbles of  Wolf One: “Oh bite me! Another freezer-aisle death dwarf strutting their personal Covid Porn and thinking they will live forever while condemning me to look at them forever as they judge all others from behind their great wall of masks. Need to punch the face… need….” Wolf Two: “Remember that everyone you see is carrying a burden you can not possibly know. This silly masking is what they believe has worked to keep them alive for a year and a half and they won’t abandon it just because somebody somewhere says it is safe. Their body. Their selves. Go with God.”

Local example 3: The Abandoned Mentally Ill. He stood outside the tanning salon every day. He had a coat of grime on himself and his clothing from head to toe. You know it was grime to the toes because he had no shoes on the days when the sidewalks were burning hot or ice-cold and covered in rainwater. Wolf Two:  After seeing this for a few days, I talked to him a bit and then went into a local shoe store and bought him some sneakers in his size and with three pairs of warm socks. He thanked me and put them on, stuffing the extra sockets in his pocket. I felt warm all over for my good, good deed. Wolf One: Back the next day and…. what? No shoes on his feet! Again! Hey! What happened to your shoes? You lost them? How do you lose a pair of brand-new sneakers off your feet? You gotta be fucking crazy to do that. Oh. Right. You are fucking crazy. What a moron I am.

In my town now I can’t let my Two Wolves off the leash when I have to see the streets — every damn day — hundreds of masked Biden voters who brought in a freedom-killing regime headed by a dementia patient in diapers just so they didn’t have to twist and untwist their panties over “mean tweets.” That wolf fight just makes me want to clear my head, calm my rage, and soothe my wolves by cleaning my guns.

These are the two wolves in my heart that I am willing to confess to the world at large. There are other wolves in my heart; wolves so dark and ravenous I keep them walled in the sub-sub-basement of my soul with the stones set up to seal in that Cask of Amontillado that Poe portrayed.

“For the love of God, Montresor!”

I’m not going to describe mine but you know those dark wolves well. You keep a pack or two of your own sealed deep inside your soul. Don’t deny them. I can see them pacing over the dry dunes of your soul’s desert…

In the desert
I saw a creature, naked, bestial,
Who, squatting upon the ground,
Held his heart in his hands,
And ate of it.
I said, “Is it good, friend?”
“It is bitter—bitter,” he answered;
 
“But I like it
“Because it is bitter,
“And because it is my heart.” — Stephen Crane
 

All decent people whose minds are not in shadow feed at least two wolves and maybe many more. And all these wolves now demand many feedings. Every damn day.

Comments on this entry are closed.

  • John Venlet December 28, 2021, 10:02 AM

    I know my wolves one and two intimately. Though wolf one is chained, it often strains at its restraint, spittle flecked and snarling. It is fed, even as I attempt to starve it. And while I feed my wolf two with the sweetest of daily bread, wolf one and his pack often attempt to force wolf two into submission.

    Excellent post, Gerard.

  • Richard December 28, 2021, 10:46 AM

    St. Thomas Aquinas, a Doctor of the Roman Catholic Church, has made clear that: to not be angry when confronted by evil is to be pusillanimous. I, too, have become concerned that I am angry – what seems to me to be – a good deal of the time. This despite not having the television on and NEVER watching the agitprop activism, otherwise known as the “news”. Still, if one is the least bit sentient, he cannot avoid being assaulted by the evilness that seems to pervade the world at large.

    Therefore, while I will attempt to not feed the first wolf, I will also seek to avoid the moral cowardice that is failing to call out evil when it is present.

  • Boat Guy December 28, 2021, 10:52 AM

    Once again, Gerard, you describe so well what is going on with me too. I’ve been far less effective at calming wolf one; I will adopt your prayer as my own, if you don’t mind.
    Many’s the time I’ve found myself ready to let slip wolf two.

  • Michael Anderson December 28, 2021, 11:17 AM

    I gotta feed Bad Wolf once in a while, just to keep Good Wolf on his toes. But not enough that I go around picking fights, or biting anyone.

  • patvann December 28, 2021, 11:20 AM

    That… As writ… A bit Larger…

  • ghostsniper December 28, 2021, 11:26 AM

    Alpha wolf is always right out at the very end of it’s tether where it belongs.
    Beta wolf is unleashed but naturally stays close to hotel sierra and enjoyed by a few.
    Alpha has been caged a very long time and if it gets loose there is no telling what the result will be.

  • Dave J December 28, 2021, 11:34 AM

    Timely and well put G!
    Recalling a quote by a long dead French dude sometimes helps me toss scraps towards my better wolf:
    “Every man is guilty of all the good he did not do.”
    Most recently saw it at the head of a chapter in:
    “First Train out of Denver”
    https://havokjournal.com/culture/firsttrain/

  • Double XX December 28, 2021, 12:01 PM

    GVL, GOD bless

  • KCK December 28, 2021, 12:05 PM

    I’ve been to Seattle only twice, I think, since the shitshow lockdowns began. Refuse and sleeping bags and garbage under every overpass and reaching out as far as Kent and Puyallup. A short year or 2 before the SSL began, I visited LA for over a week. It is a place of great beauty and power, but now I see the news and am disheartened, to say the least, about the tent cities and squalor I witness on TV.

    All that to say that I live in a place with much less of the shitshow present. Seattle and Cali make the local meth houses look almost businesslike.

    I did see some good news. I understand that in San Fransisco now, they’re starting to require that you show a Covid Vax Passport in order to be allowed to shit on the sidewalk. sarc/

    Reagan looked to private organizations, and to the church, to replace a chunk of the federal help to the needy. Really, as your post indicates, it is the good wolf, the Christian mindset and charity that will be required when the addict and the homeless finally get adequate help.

    dems apply the law for their own ends: destruction of the American foundation. Destroy is their callsign. Is it my angry wolf that makes me wish for more of the politicos in jail? Or, is it common sense?

  • lh December 28, 2021, 1:06 PM

    Thank you for the timely post. I need to take it to heart.

  • James ONeil December 28, 2021, 1:55 PM

    I think an honest day’s work is excellent wolf control. Almost as good an attitude adjuster as alcohol. Yesterday I moved 4 tons of roof dumped snow (Assuming the on line snow mass calculator I used it correct.) from in front of my garage door so I could drive to the post office in North Pole to check my mail this morning. Didn’t feel at all confronted by the masked or any of the other many signs of mass hysteria.

  • Jack Lawson December 28, 2021, 2:15 PM

    There is currently plenty of input in our lives to feed all the wolves… and soon, those dark wolves locked in the basements of our souls will roam again…

    This will begin with the resurrection of human base existence, from life and death survival… and most of that action will be with little conscious thought expressed… most will initially be survival actions of those roaming wolves.

    But as those dark wolves are freed fully to their desire and will… soon their brutality will come from their boredom and their egos of being victors in surviving.

    Jack Lawson
    Associate Member, Sully H. deFontaine Special Forces Association Chapter 51, Las Vegas, Nevada
    Author of “The Slaver’s Wheel”, “A Failure of Civility,” “And We Hide From The Devil,” “Civil Defense Manual” and “In Defense.”

    “Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities.” – Voltaire

  • SteveS December 28, 2021, 2:20 PM

    Will the wolf survive? Which one? In these trying times I too find myself feeding both.
    They say Rush gained massive popularity by giving voice to what the people were thinking and feeling. I always value your subject matter and your way of presenting it. I’m sure the reason so many of us continue to return to AD is the commonality of life experiences we find here. I pray that there are way more of us than we can imagine. Those like ourselves who are outraged but yet desperately need to keep their better angels alive.

  • Joe Krill December 28, 2021, 2:39 PM

    I was saddened by this news. Something very wrong here. The America I grew up in is disappearing faster than a lightning bolt.
    House of Representatives Votes to Eradicate Blasphemy Against Islam
    Dems voted in lockstep yea…Reps. voted in lockstep nay. Yeas won.

    The word ‘combat’ in the text of the law is problematic but fits in perfectly with the concept of waging violent jihad against the countries deemed to have committed blasphemy against Islam. Almost every dictionary defines the word primarily as an action pertaining to war. While the internet firm Google’s dictionary defines ‘combat’ as “fighting between armed forces,” Cambridge Dictionary defines the word as “a fight, especially during a war.” According to Collins Dictionary, “combat is fighting that takes place in a war.” This is no hyperbole as the State Department has a long history of supporting Islamic terrorists such as Osama bin Laden, the Taliban, Al Qaeda, and ISIS. Former Assistant Secretary of State, Robin Raphel, ran her office as though it were an outpost of the Islamic Republic of Pakistan and she lost her security clearance when she was investigated for counterintelligence activities. Little wonder then that Newt Gingrich, the former Speaker of the House, used the term “Rogue State Department” and President Donald Trump described the State Department as the “Deep State Department.”
    The blasphemy law further requires the newly created office to be headed by a person appointed by the “President, by and with the advice and consent of the Senate” and the person to be responsible for the “assessment and description of the nature and extent of acts of Islamophobia and Islamophobic incitement” and for determining if any utterances constitute “instances of propaganda” or “promote racial hatred or incite acts of violence against Muslim people.” Since the word ‘Islamophobia’ is not defined in the text of the legislation and words such as ‘hatred’ and ‘propaganda’ are subjective, the head of the newly created office will be ultimately responsible for interpreting the Quran and issuing legal opinions on whether statements made around the world amount to hatred or anti-Islamic propaganda under such interpretation.

    • John the River December 28, 2021, 4:14 PM

      Funny I didn’t see anything about that on the news. (I’m kidding)
      “The blasphemy bill came into existence when it was sponsored by the Somalia-born Congresswoman Ilhan Omar”

      Well if this doesn’t get the Democrats out of the hole they’re in for the Mid-terms nothing will.
      I’m sure that all the moderate Democrats will be relieved to know that this issue, so important to them, has been addressed.
      Let’s help get the word out.

      • Mike Austin December 29, 2021, 4:05 AM

        Ilhan Omar would be better served if she got a law passed legalizing sex between brothers and sisters. That way she would be off the hook.

  • Fletcher Christian December 28, 2021, 3:16 PM

    Personally, my bad wolf is awakened by a-holes who refuse to wear a fairly easy to tolerate garment and thereby reduce the chance of spreading their filthy, potentially lethal germs to people around them who may be particularly vulnerable; and the good wolf reflects that this particular version of assholery will probably correct itself, permanently, fairly soon.

    Ditto those who refuse provably safe medical preventative treatment, having been prompted to do so by conspiracy theorists and those who know not the first thing about risk management.

    • Vanderleun December 28, 2021, 3:19 PM

      That’s one way to look at it. Much like this editor of the New York Times. His fate is also instructive. . . .

      • Mike Austin December 29, 2021, 8:47 AM

        I hope schadenfreude is not a sin. If not, then I’ll take three helpings please. With chocolate syrup if you don’t mind.

        At least that New York Times pest will not be around anymore to harass normal people.

    • David Spence December 28, 2021, 5:44 PM
    • ghostsniper December 28, 2021, 6:37 PM

      Fletch, you keep outdoing yourself.
      I don’t know how you can stand to come around here.

      • Vanderleun December 28, 2021, 6:59 PM

        Oh let Fletch be Fletch. I pay him to “thicken the plot.”

        • Mike Austin December 29, 2021, 4:15 AM

          Poor Fletcher Christian did not understand the parable. His “good wolf” and his “bad wolf” are really the same wolf. Gerard, could you re-phrase the parable in simpler terms so that he could appreciate its meaning?

        • Mike Austin December 29, 2021, 9:21 AM

          Increase his pay.

    • James ONeil December 29, 2021, 10:06 AM

      Huddle in place Fletcher.
      Wrap yourself in bubble wrap Fletcher.
      Quadruple mask Fletcher.
      Get your weekly booster jab Fletcher.
      Get your fingers off those keys, you might catch a computer virus Fletcher.
      Your bad and good Chihuahuas are both a-holes Fletcher.

    • Jake December 30, 2021, 12:38 PM

      you are a dick

  • John A. Fleming December 28, 2021, 3:16 PM

    All my life, when I had a choice of behaviors, doors to walk through and close behind me, I told myself “I should not disappoint my parents. I should be better than they are/were”. It has helped me make good choices, and temper my desires and behaviors.

    I’ve read that old-timers just before the end will be blessed to see and talk to their relations that have gone on before. The nurses report that this is a common sign of an impending passage.

    Now that my parents, uncles, aunts and in-laws have almost all passed on, I’m still not off the hook. I hope to see them once more, and be like Theoden, “My body is broken. I go to my fathers. And even in their mighty company I shall not now be ashamed.”.

    Sheesh. You can’t pick your parents, but you have to answer to them your whole life.

  • technochitlin December 28, 2021, 3:33 PM

    Never more truly was it said, but “from your lips to God’s ears”.

  • Bill in Tennessee December 28, 2021, 4:15 PM

    For most of my adult life I have realized that, although I appear cultured and urbane on the outside, my time in the USMC awakened my inner barbarian. So all these years I have kept my inner barbarian well fed and holding him in reserve for the day that is inevitably coming where good men are going to have to do bad things to save America.

    • Mike Austin December 29, 2021, 4:24 AM

      God commanded the Hebrews to release their “inner barbarian” upon the Amalekites.

      “Now go and strike Amalek and devote to destruction all that they have. Do not spare them, but kill both man and woman, child and infant, ox and sheep, camel and donkey.”—1 Samuel 15:3

      Good men will do what they must. That’s what good men are for.

      • Jake December 30, 2021, 12:44 PM

        And he caught Agag king of Amealek alive….
        And the word of the Lord came to Samuel saying, “I repent that I made Saul king, for he has turned back from Me, and My words he has not fulfilled.”

        Do not go against God

  • LadyBikki December 28, 2021, 6:02 PM

    The She Wolf is a bloodthirsty bitch, straining behind the wall, because a chain will not hold her.
    Waiting for heads on spikes in the square (h/t SoS), dripping red, raw and running and raging.
    Smiling, teeth bared.
    And raging.
    The wolf who lies with the Lamb is not as well fed.
    Yes, there is the bread.
    There is the daily Bread, mine to feast on, and yet the other wolf hungers.
    And it is definitely my fault
    my fault
    always and ever my fault
    …and Father, thank you for your saving grace, even though I know full well what I do. Usually.

  • Foodog December 28, 2021, 7:14 PM

    G, thanks for this. Your are un buen hombre as they say.
    I’m lately in a bitter mood, ready to rage, over whats being done to our country, by the Left.
    Then I say: dont take the black pill. They will have won if you do.

    Walk in the light, good sir.

  • Stretch December 28, 2021, 7:33 PM

    I see the Biden/Clinton/Bernie/whoever stickers and I see Red.
    “You! You are the reason the country grew up in no longer exists.”
    But no, not just that one. Rather the millions of like minded, over-educated but under-learned who voted the same.
    And I’ve neither enough ammo nor a large enough backhoe to deal with them all.
    So I turn to the Book of Common Prayer and The Psalms, along with the knowledge mother and both grandmothers would be “so disappointed” and do my best to put Wolf One back in the den.

  • Rob De Witt December 28, 2021, 7:38 PM

    Foodog,
    You got it. I learned that one a loooong time ago:

    I’m surrounded by people who don’t have my interests at heart.

    They delight in my pain.

    Absolutely nothing hurts me worse than my own impotent rage at my mistreatment.

    If I rage, THEY WIN.

    I come first.

    Fuck ’em.

    And anyhow….

    Harry Reid died today. How bad could it be?

    • Mike Austin December 29, 2021, 5:52 AM

      Reid would have helped this nation considerably had he taken this route 40 years ago. He would have been better off, and so would we have.

  • Borepatch December 28, 2021, 8:11 PM

    Of the Seven Deadly Sins, anger is…the most fun. To lick your wounds, to smack your lips over grievances long past, to roll over your tongue the prospect of bitter confrontations still to come, to savor to the last toothsome morsel both the pain you are given and the pain you are giving back – in many ways it is a feast fit for a king. The chief drawback is that what you are wolfing down is yourself. The skeleton at the feast is you.

    -Frederick Buechner, Wishful Thinking

    • Mike Austin December 29, 2021, 4:28 AM

      Anger for anger’s sake, and righteous anger, are not the same thing. Buechner was right about the former. The man who indulges himself in anger jumps into Hell arm in arm with his foe.

  • Terry December 28, 2021, 8:26 PM

    I have a short note on my computer monitors. It reads “Do The Right Thing”. I placed these notes about a year ago as a reminder to be patient. I have been certain for over two years that the USA was in dire straights and that all hell would break out in the not so distant future.

    I saw with my own eyes what starvation does to human beings who are caged “for their own protection”. These people were Hmong’s from northern Laos, in large fenced prisons in Laos on the Thai border. The Thai gov hated these people. I do not know why this was so.

    The demcraps hate you and me. They have some 800 “camps” built I have been told. Are they for you and me? If they are, the signs on my computer will mean “Do The Right Thing NOW” which may be to release the starving wolf.

  • iggy December 28, 2021, 8:44 PM

    What. Was. That?
    Specious.
    At first glance, seems Ok.
    But then.
    Do tell – What is wrong with regret?
    What is wrong with sorrow?
    What is wrong with guilt?
    What is wrong with anger?

    As I recall, Christ Jesus demonstrated Anger in turning over tables and whipping the (((money changers))) out of the House of His Father.

    That these things should not define ones existence, certainly.

    Perhaps punctuate it instead.

    If one looks, other examples of righteous behavior are recorded in the Bible.

  • Dirk December 28, 2021, 9:36 PM

    WOW, Gerard that’s amazing, my man you got talent!

    Not sure about wolves, pretty sure the lil devil in me gets loose from time to time, could that devil be the wolf you so articulately describe?

    VI

  • Mike Austin December 29, 2021, 4:49 AM

    This tale is the finest description of temptation I have ever read. And remember: no one escapes it, not even Jesus. Paul certainly did not. Many times he complained to God about “a thorn in the flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet me.” Yet that thorn was not removed. Saint Augustine, even as an old man succumbed to his temptation to indulge his flesh in Lust.

    Sometimes—every time for me—the only way to starve the bad wolf is to starve the flesh that feeds it. There is a reason why Christ says that some sins are only removed by fasting—by beating your own flesh into submission. I spent most of my life thinking I was in control of things. I was a fool; my flesh was in control of things. When I realized the truth of my condition my flesh had been indulged for so long that it thought itself invincible. The now 30 year struggle to starve it has seen a few victories but many defeats.

    This fight is—literally—to the death.

    • Dirk December 29, 2021, 8:25 AM

      Amen brother. A fight to the end! When I’m on my death bed, I wanna be broken down from pushing my body, my mind. I wanna ride it like I stole it, wanna die satisfied that I sample what life offered.

      VI

  • Wilfred Ruffian December 29, 2021, 3:08 PM

    Both of my wolves want to set them all on fire.

  • Annie Rose December 30, 2021, 8:15 AM

    I’ve always pictured my rage as a dangerously beautiful and hungry tiger. I have to keep her tightly caged with multiple heavy duty locks, as she has always been anxious to roam and feed. A few times in my life, I have chosen to let her out to freely feed on the evil and wicked. People deserving of her wrath have been those who have deliberately chosen to hurt the innocent, such as those with disabilities, little children, the elderly, animals, or those discriminated against. I hate people who enjoy being cruel to others, probably because I was raised in a family of people who could be casually cruel, especially to me. My tiger has enjoyed voraciously and deeply feeding as I have verbally iviscerated cruel people. I learned the art of cruelty at my mother’s knee and I know how to effectively use that sword against cruel people. She showed me through her actions how to find someone’s weakness and where they are most vulnerable to hurt. I have visually lapped up the tears of those not too lost to feel remorse. They are very satisfying. Afterwards, the tiger, with belly full, hascarefully been led back to her cage and the multiple locks snapped back into place, where she will patiently wait for the next feeding. There is a time and place for righteous anger. We must control our baser instinct for anger, but we must also not be afraid to confront evil and soundly call it out and defeat it. I prefer using words, but the time may come that words may no longer be effective. For now, my tiger rests, but she is becoming hungrier each day.